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Awkward moments caused entirely due to that British politeness embarrassment thing

243 replies

Piglet208 · 16/08/2017 10:43

I was recently having a meal in a hotel in France with Dh. After the main course, the lovely waiter ( he looked like Manuel from Fawlty towers) came over with the menu and said something in French about dessert. I speak some French but didn't catch the whole sentence so I nodded and went to take the menu. He pulled the menu away, smiled and said something else which I didn't catch. We assumed that he thought we didn't want dessert and decided to leave it as the restaurant was extremely busy. Suddenly Manuel triumphantly appeared with two desserts and handed a creme brûlée to Dh and a chocolate tart to me. Now obviously we should have got his attention and explained we hadn't ordered dessert but my embarrassment at having to try to explain in French and to be honest the fact that the desserts looked lovely led to Dh suggesting we just eat them. As we started to eat Dh noticed that the group of waiters were having a serious discussion and looking over worriedly at us. Manuel was beginning to sweat and it was obvious that we had someone else's dessert. So the whole time we continued to eat the desserts ( they were lovely) the entire restaurant staff were heatedly gesticulating and glaring while Manuel got more and more sheepish. After a while identical desserts were brought out to a table close by and eventually Manuel shuffled over to our table and asked Dh to sign for the desserts, avoiding any eye contact or mention of the mistake, which he obviously did much to Manuel's relief. I can't help thinking that Manuel must think we were slightly strange to accept 2 rogue desserts and eat them without saying anything!

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 16/08/2017 12:00

My husband and I on a tres romantic break to Paris years ago were eating a meal at La Gare. An old train station converted into a posh restaurant near to where we were staying.

We couldn't really decipher the menu. I went to catering college years previously and all the dishes we cooked had French names - I still didn't recognise anything on the menu Blush

My husband speaks reasonable holiday French - nope, still stuck.

We were to embarrassed to ask about the food and just didn't have the confidence or the vocabulary to ask a waiter.

So we ordered beefsteak Nebraska thinking it would be straightforward.

Well it seemed the raw steak had been cooked by leaving it out in a warm kitchen for a couple of hours then put on a plate. The potato had been mashed and processed until it was just about sauce consistency. This is pommes puree I believe.

We did our best to eat our food, feeling like twits, paid the bill and left.

Love Paris and always will but this was one of our less successful forays into French cuisine. Other meals at other establishments were delicious as expected.

(I couldn't justify the expense of a Christian Lacroix necklace either that was then £45 in a department store. Totally unrelated to food but still.)

Another time in Portugal my husband ordered lunch for us using the latin word for meat. When he went to pay the bill and to demonstrate that we had eaten beef casserole he put his fingers to his head as if they were horns - I think he even made the sounds too. He made himself understood but I said don't do that again they might call the police !

Josiah · 16/08/2017 12:02

NetMumsBastards

I'm ill! You've made me laugh and my chest hurts after having a coughing fit whilst reading your post!

That's just brilliant.

Thank goodness your husband didn't have a reason to open the cupboard!

Oh my! That really is too funny but I fully understand why you did it.

Grin
SouthWestmom · 16/08/2017 12:08

Oh mine is truly revolting and wee related and I've never told anyone.

Staying overnight with new boyfriend at his family home. Separate rooms. No idea where loo is.

Have to drink water in pint glass to create space....then I actually opened the bedroom window and tipped it out. God knows what I was thinking.

Ashbeckk · 16/08/2017 12:10

sugarpie that was hilarious!

NellieUnkles · 16/08/2017 12:25

I'm not British. Explain the thinking behind some of these to me, because, while they're often very funny, I find some of them incomprehensible!

Why would someone not tell workmen working in the bathroom they need to use the loo? (I can understand if you had to tell them every ten minutes you needed to go again, but surely once is not an embarrassment?)

And why all the 'avoiding someone inoffensive' complications? Surely you wouldn't expect to have another bout of smalltalk in the same supermarket trip with a neighbour you'd already spoken to in another aisle? Or getting lost in a wood purely to avoid a brief encounter with a colleague you quite like (unless you're very, very shy)? Or the person who didn't tell the person she was lunching with that she needed to get back to her desk for a meeting -- why would it have been so terrible to say that?

Others I can understand more easily -- some people find functioning in foreign languages intimidating, or aren't able to let go their own cultural norms of good manners in places where people do things different. I get that.

I suppose what I'm asking is -- why the indirectness/awkwardness around situations that don't objectively seem embarrassing to me? Are you putting it down to' Britishness' (and if so, would Welsh and Scottish people agree?) or would you say you are a shy person who finds it difficult to be direct? Also, is it gendered?

PatMullins · 16/08/2017 12:29

This is going to be one of those threads Grin

mummmy2017 · 16/08/2017 12:31

Moules Mariniere.
Walking towards our wine bar this was on the Menu.
3 of us are love that I am so having that tonight.
4th person walks to the bar and says the Mariniere is that by the pint or the bottle...

Bar goes by the pint.. he was serving it this way...
The look on the persons face when he got the pint glass full of Mucsles was a picture, he hates them.

derxa · 16/08/2017 12:35

and if so, would Welsh and Scottish people agree? No Grin

isthistoonosy · 16/08/2017 12:37

Another food one, I was in a street food place in Honduras at the time I was a vegan, nothing suitable on the menu so using my limited Spanish I ordered 'mountain fish' - the meal came, with lots of sniggering from the staff. About halfway through they showed me the English version of the menu - it was bulls balls stew.

Of course being British I didn't flinch, complimented the food and finished the meal and paid.
Even managed not to throw up afterwards

PatMullins · 16/08/2017 12:39

That's a good one isrhistoonosy, being so British you'd rather eat literal bollocks than admit your mistake Grin

isthistoonosy · 16/08/2017 12:41

I've made the mistake in Sweden of asking people with just a sandwich if the want to go ahead in the queue so they aren't stuck behind me getting a monthly shop in.

Honestly you'd think I suggested they slaughter their first born, apparently it just isn't done around these parts.

user8526831517 · 16/08/2017 12:45

I did languages at uni and during the summer vacation I went to a Muslim country back packing with a friend who wasn't doing languages. They made a big thing about how they spoke the lingo so they went to order at a small cafe in the back of beyond. We both wanted a cheese unfortunately my friend ordered ham. The two men behind the counter, both in very traditional dress, were far from impressed.

We left town very, very quickly after many profuse apologies and a swift kick to my friend's ankle

carnationlilyrose · 16/08/2017 12:46

I have another wee-related one...

I was staying with my friend and her DP abroad - their flat was tiny and to get to the only bathroom you had to go through their bedroom, right past their bed (the bedroom was tiny too). We'd been out that evening and I'd drunk quite a lot. After the first two times I snuck through their bedroom to use the loo, they closed the door and I was too embarrassed to try and go to the bathroom again.

So I weed in a pint glass in their kitchen and poured it down the sink afterwards. It was not a very tidy wee as I was a bit drunk still so I also had to mop the floor in the dark whilst hoping desperately they didn't come in as it was an open-plan flat and the kitchen was right outside their bedroom... Blush

IloveBanff · 16/08/2017 12:50

isthistoonosy Do you mean they actually get offended/angry that you offered? Surely it's clear that you're being kind. How odd.

Areyoulocal · 16/08/2017 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NetMumsBastards · 16/08/2017 12:57

Nellie It's a good question.

British people (especially women) are brought up to never put anyone out and never draw attention to yourself because doing these things is bad mannered. Unfortunately what counts as putting someone out or drawing attention to yourself is taken to the very extreme and defies all logic.

My perception is that British people are taught to try as far as possible to make themselves completely invisible and try to take up as little figurative and literal space as possible.

It completely defies logic and skews relationships. For example, I didn't want to ask the fitters to stop their work in case I interrupted them and they were annoyed even though I'm the one paying for their services. It's the same reason British people will go home after a haircut, cry in the mirror and start hacking with kitchen scissors rather than tell a hairdresser they don't like their hair.

LoneStarRising · 16/08/2017 13:01

BayLeaves, that's the first time I've ever admitted that wee-based cringe-fest. In fact the detail is a lot worse tbh. It's very cathartic getting it out there!

timefortea I still get anxious at the thought of one of hosts walking in to the kitchen as I was having a piss.

And NetMumsBastards thank you for making me laugh - we are soul sisters now.

OlennasWimple · 16/08/2017 13:03

British reserve is usually actually English reserve, I think...

The avoiding small talk thing is that we don't really want to make it, but feel obliged to do so and don't want the other person to think that we are rude by not making small talk at every opportunity. I realise as I write that it sounds ridiculous....

QueenofallIsee · 16/08/2017 13:03

DP is a nightmare for this - he has one of those faces that people seem to think they know, he often gets mistaken for someone else. I can not go to one particular chemist in town as the person who owns it thinks DP is German (yes really). There is one lady who walks her dog locally that thinks that we have 3 daughters and a son (its the other way round). Rather than correcting her DP inexplicably agreed and made up suitable names for the fictional daughters. I have to avoid her rather than endure questions about 'Maisie, Lilly and Hannah', He is a twat.

Fontella · 16/08/2017 13:05

Years ago - young and very unworldly, I got sent to Italy to attend an event on behalf of my boss. It was hugely exciting and even more so when I arrived to see I was staying at an incredibly posh hotel.

First night I went down to the swanky restaurant. I was virtually the only one in it and I felt much out of my depth as I had never stayed or eaten anywhere that posh. There was a single sheet menu with just a few things on it (in Italian) all of which appeared to have meat or fish in them - I'm a lifelong vegetarian.

Explained this best I could to the waiter who went off to the kitchen and came back saying he'd spoken to the chef who could rustle me up a vegetarian pasta ... reeled off all the ingredients .... and I said that sounded lovely.

After a long wait he comes back, puts a plate in front of me, then comes in with this silver dish and with a spoon and fork starts spooning it onto my plate. It looks delish, smelled divine - green olives and tomatoes and whatnot and I was dying to get stuck in, so after a couple of spoonfuls I said - 'that's great, thanks' .. .thinking he's going to put the dish down on the table and leave it for me to help myself.

No - he fucks off with it!!

I've literally got two spoons of pasta on the this great white empty plate and that's it.

Did I go after him and ask for more? Nope, I sat there and tried to eke out the tiny meal and then went off sheepishly to my room, still starving.

Fuck knows what that chef must have thought. Cooking me a special dish and the waiter goes back with it practically intact!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/08/2017 13:06

My Grandads name is Mick. This is relevant, BTW. Grin.
Anyway I took my dd on to Disney land Paris, and we obviously had a few stop offs.
So on our way home. We stopped off at service station. Got something to eat and drink. I ordered a coffee, anyway. The French lady behind the counter was saying mick mick, and I returned a puzzled look. I was thinking.
A. How does she know. My Grandads name.
B. How does she know he's my grandad.
C. That's a coincidence. That he's in the safe place as me.
I took me ages to release she meant milk.
I really shouldn't be allowed out.

Freshprincess · 16/08/2017 13:09

I joined an exercise class and the leader misheard my name and called me by it for weeks. I had to stop going to the class after he started posting the timetable on a closed Facebook group which I couldn't access as he didn't know my real name not the one he called me and obviously I couldn't draw his attention to it.

FridgeCut · 16/08/2017 13:13

Last week I was collecting my Tesco order and it is the same delivery person every week and knows me. My order last week was mostly snacky crap very obviously, I was explaining that it was for our road trip to France and I was preparing. He told me to enjoy my holiday and he'll see me when I get back. We don't go for another ten days, I have two more shops to get. I was just spreading it out. Anyway, I will be going to Aldi for the next two weeks to avoid the awkwardness Blush

GlitterBallSacks · 16/08/2017 13:15

Freshprincess I have a surname which can also be a woman's first name.
Lots of people get confused and call me by my surname. For years I didn't correct people. Then I started correcting people but I always apologise for correcting people.

Confused
Fontella · 16/08/2017 13:15

Anyway, I will be going to Aldi for the next two weeks to avoid the awkwardness

GrinGrinGrin