Behind My Back: A Matter of Perspective
This is one of the many ridiculous, intense, and confusing semantic arguments I constantly have raging inside my head at pretty much all times. I did, however, eventually win this particular argument and settle the matter with myself - by using PERSPECTIVE. Here is the key: from where, exactly, am I envisaging this back of mine?
Well, from my very self!
I'm using the location of my brain - ignoring its orientation because it's a MIND and doesn't exactly have a directional orientation does it - as my point of perspective. I'm using the location of my mind, rather than the location of my back, or my whole self, to determine where the cow who's slagging me off is standing.
This gets confusing. Let me explain.
Picture a wall. The wall is simply a 2D plane, rather than like a proper wall in a house that has studs and insulation and cobwebs inside and is basically two separated surfaces. If you stand in front of it, it's a flat plane. If you walk around the other side and stand in front of it again, it's a flat plane from that perspective too. But if you go around and look at it directly from the side, it's just a line, almost invisible. It's only 2 dimensional after all. I don't know if that's relevant, but work with me.
This ---> | is the wall.
This --> \o/ is you.
This > @ is a flower.
In this situation: \o/ | @--
from your perspective, the flower is on the other side of the wall from where you are, therefore the flower is behind the wall.
In this situation: \o/ @-- |
from your perspective, the flower is on the same side of the wall as you - between you and the wall - therefore it is in front of the wall.
(Side note: why do we get a single word for behind, but we have to use three whole, separate words for in front of?? Completely unfair.)
Now let's say that the WALL in the above diagram is the very surface of YOUR BACK - the skin I suppose. I'll put the wall where your back is for the purposes of visual demonstration: \o| (you are now turned to the side, and we find out that your arms were stretched slightly forward. You don't have any hair. Or facial features, either. Sorry. Anyway, the o is your head, which houses your mind. That's our perspective.
But how does that relate to a 2D wall? Or my mind? Or "behind my back"?? Well...
Given that your BRAIN ITSELF is the location of the thought of whether something is happening in front of or behind your back, your brain itself should be the perspective from which you judge the answer, right? Yes, absolutely damn right!
Since I'm not good at pinpointing the exact location of a thought, much less explaining it, let's visualise this. (Due to the limitations of text and dimension, I'll have to expand you bodily quite a bit, but you get the picture ([like, you literally get the picture; here it is:]).
\o@--|
In this illustration, the flower is on the same side of the wall as the thought - it is between the thought and your back - that is, your mind - and the two dimensional plane that is the very surface of your back. The flower is in front of your back!
\o| @--
Here, the flower (or the cow slagging me off) is behind your back! Your back is the thing that is between your mind and the flower - the flower is on the other side of your back (from the perspective of your mind, mind). Therefore the flower is behind your back!
See, from this perspective, anything that is IN FRONT of your back is actually INSIDE YOUR BODY. Your mind itself is in front of your back. The cow who is slagging me off is BEHIND your back. And as you can see, these illustrations not only demonstrate this proof, they greatly simplify things.
QED.
(Now the only problem is, if you change perspective - say you alter the location or directional orientation of your own mind, maybe with magic mushrooms I guess - then all of this changes again, and you have to go back to the drawing board! But I still claim QED.)