Aibu to think this doesn't make sense (behind my back)

[tccat]

Having an argument with Dh about this, I say the phrase "behind my back" doesn't make sense because if something was behind your back surely it would be in front of you?
I'm getting more and more irate trying to explain my point and only dogs and dolphins can hear me
Am I right?

The "behind" is relative to you! "Behind" and "in front of" work like "before" and "after", and you wouldn't think "before the beginning of the day" to mean "since midnight" would you!

I can understand your thinking, but you're imagining your back to be a separate thing that has its own "front" and "back", and hence its
own "forwards" and "backwards" and "behind" and "in front". Your back's "front" appears to be where you scrub with a backbrush, while your back's "back" is under your skin. But people generally consider it to be part of themselves, so their "behind" is the same as their back's "behind" and that of every other part of them.

I guess you don't have a problem with "behind me", which means the same thing? Americans can say "at my back", which we don't really have here, although "at the back of the house" is okay.

Bonkers! I you park at the rear (bumper end) of a car you park behind, you park at the bonnet you park in front, same for humans!

Jwrecks
(Side note: why do we get a single word for behind, but we have to use three whole, separate words for in front of?? Completely unfair.)

Originally 'before' was the opposite of behind, as in 'putting the cart before the horse'. Over time it has come to be used only in a temporal sense, as the opposite of after.

A development biologist on MN ?
Respect

Taken weirdly literally, behind your back would be your internal organs which are also behind your front. It wouldn't be in front of you, which would be in front of your front, rather than behind your back.

Reminds me of an old pome I read in "The Crusader" (Catholic mag for primary kids, way back in the day):

"One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other."

I don't get OP. If you are at a pantomime and everyone shouts "behind you" they turn round. Or is the "you" making that different. But it's still behind your back. In front of your back is your tummy? I'm confused at what you're saying 😂

I can't believe that this is still going!

The problem you are having here is confusing two words that do not mean the same thing, despite the spelling and the situation making them appear similar

back
noun
1.
the rear part of the human body, extending from the neck to the lower end of the spine. The dorsal plane

HOWEVER, back can also be a verb (used with or without an object) :

back
verb (without an object)
23.
to lie at the back of; form a back or background for

You are incorrectly assuming that the "back" referred to in the saying is being used as a verb and therefore has an opposite. It is, however, being used as a noun and therefore cannot have an opposite. There is no opposite of the noun back, only if it is used as a verb.

There is no front or back to your back, there is simply your back. Much like you would say you were behind the tree, or behind the car. The confusion you are adding is that you add the possessive pronoun "your: (a form of the possessive case of you used as an attributive adjective)" this is because simply saying behind THE back could refer to any back. You have to make it clear that it is YOUR back which they are talking/going behind- not the back of the nearest building.

Yes, you can be in front of something or at the back of something, but some somethings have fronts and backs which are NOT relative to the point which you are viewing them from. Your back is still your back because it is a noun, it does not suddenly become the front of something just because that is where you are facing it from. It is a noun, it is non directional. Unlike the verb, which is.

I'm beginning to convert to OP:s view ... 🤔

No, if it is behind your back it is behind you. Your back, not the surface of your back.

OP you asked above
If someone was standing with their back facing you and someone said " go and stand behind their back" where would you go? I would go to the front of them

Everyone in the whole world would stand still - or just step closer.

Except you. because you are being really obtuse.

You are soooooooooooooooooooooooo WRONG

If someone's behind you, you could say "behind my bum" because they are, or "behind my neck" because they are. Your back joins both your bum and neck, so "behind my back" is also correct.

Think of 'behind' as 'the hind of' as in the rear of. So would standing at the rear of someone's back make more sense to you? I usually think very laterally but I do not get your drift OP.

I think both perspectives are right! If someone is behind you, they are behind every part of you including your back. However, the surface of your back (and your buttocks and your calves etc) is facing them therefore they are before (using the definition as explained by RustyBear) or in front of your back surface / buttocks / etc.

No sleep - your back is before (in front of) them. They are still behind it.

It's simply a matter of perspective (whose - yours or theirs). The point is YOU are the subject of gossip, therefore it is correct to say it is said behind your back (out of YOUR sight).
YABU if only because you have to be right about something, even when you're not!

This is stonkingly funny but not quite as as my ex boyfriend who once said, in all seriousness post sex.....

'If you didn't shave your chest would it be hairy?'

Scene: The Oval Office..
Trump I know you FBI man from Queens, you say you'll do it in a meeting and then behind my back you'll do the exact opposite'
'FBI man from Queens: Donald, i' m from Queens just like you, if I want to say something I'll say it in FRONT of your back!
trump: from inside my own liver??!
FBI man: 'sactly..
END

It speaks volumes for your relationship that the pair of you think this to be an argument worth pursuing.

"So and so went behind my back and Gave it to Him any way. "
"My wife went behind my back and let our son take the car after I took his keys"
I say It all the time, Im in the US though, lots of people here say it.

Your confusion comes from what NoParticularPattern says - you're confusing a noun and a verb. Back in this case doesn't mean what you're thinking - imagine your back wasn't called a back but a ... let's say ... blah. You'd say "behind my blah" - that doesn't sound wrong does it? Imagine people whispering about you behind your blah. They are behind you and therefore your blah.

With respect, I also dont think you're hearing people explaining it to you, I think you think you're right and so aren't really listening to what anyone says.

But I do really believe the confusion is definitely the actual word back and it's other meanings. Substituting another word makes it really clear.

Behind my blah.

This is about perspective. You consider your back to be facing away from you. But in truth your back is just an object you own and cannot face in any direction. Like a vase or a door.
It's behind my back. It's behind my vase. It's behind the door.

Your back is behind you so behind your back is also behind you further away from your back.
Anyway what else are you going to say?
Don't talk about me at my back
Don't talk about me behind my front

Oh gosh. I should NOT have read this just before going to bed!