Cringiest thing you've witnessed at a wedding?

[Fourtwenty]

We were secretly sent the lyrics to the first dance and as a surprise we all had to stand up and sing it to the couple.

My toes were curling

I went to one where the father of the bridge got a huge scroll and produced it as a list of the many men that had come before (snigger) the groom. He said something along the lines of "she joined the army cadets, we all knew why" with an obvious wink. It was hilarious for some and awful for others.

My cousin's. It seemed a bit of a whirlwind romance, and there was mutterings how she was much older than him. But still...... It was a proper country church and meringue dress then her mother was going round telling everyone that it had all been booked for her daughter's previous fiance but when he dumped her she was determined to have her fairy tale wedding....

Her dad made a speech at the reception about how 'they weren't letting this one get away' and then he threw several packets of condoms at my cousin.
No, the marriage didn't last....

Another where the groom got bored and left the bride alone on the dance floor during the first dance. It was awkwar, her friends went up to join her while she cried. They split soon after.

Oh, I was also at a wedding in Italy where the elderly priest publicly presented the bride and groom, at the reception, with an orange plastic binder of projector slides about sex and conception, clearly culled from some very trad pre-marriage course in about 1970 which operated on the assumption that (a) all Catholics saved themselves for their wedding night and (2) sex is for baby-making.

Probably going to out myself now but

When my dad married my dsm, they had a 50's theme, my dad and his groomsmen wore teddy boy suits, dss and I were bridesmaids and wore circular skirts, and dsm wore a vintage 50's dress. They tipped off the local press before hand and when we came out of the registry office there were cameras and they took pictures of us swing dancing in the town square and we ended up in the paper. It was incredibly cringey I was

We've been to over 30 weddings now and most have been cringe-free

HOWEVER the one we still talk about was the one where instead of a ceilidh (we're in Scotland), the musical entertainment was some of the bride's family blacking up, complete with afros, and leading the crowd in a series of disco funk dance routines.

Loads of people seemed really into it. We were confused, wondered if we were just being terribly PC, and it was only when we went outside for a fag that we found a huddle of people smoking in the dark and the one non-white guest loudly asked "is the racist bit over yet!?"

Massive wedding that lasted 3 days. B&G rented a castle. They'd gone to dancing lessons for their first dance. They were so cardboard and wooden doing the dance and you could see them counting their steps. Bride had several meltdowns and bridezilla moments in the wedding day. She also fell out with the groom over the favours, prompting everyone to say it won't last six months. It didn't.

I was at one where the groom's cousin asked to do a best man speech after the actual (decent) best man speech. The groom's cousin stood up with at least 12 A4 typed pages and talked for over an hour about growing up and fishing trips they'd been on as kids, what fish they caught, what they ate. He detailed every fishing trip, fishing rod, fishing hut. Nothing of note happened on these trips it seems. The guy was Norwegian and spaced out every word and used no expression. One guest could be heard saying "oh God I've actually lost the will to live" over the stunned, bored silence.

Another wedding where the bride's mother insisted that after the first drink (mulled wine as it was a winter wedding) the bar was shut and no alcohol served while B&G did their photos. 2 fucking hours of our life we'll never get back. It ruined the wedding as by the time the meal came around everyone was bored and sober. The seating plan was also engineered so that guests at each table didn't know each other...without the benefit of alcohol it was dull and awkward. Then the best man did his speech his main joke being the bride was a fishwife because she was Aberdonian, to a room full of Aberdonians.

The church blessing, following the registry office wedding, where the vicar forgot the bride's name. The end bit where he said "... and we wish Mike and .... um ...., what's your name, dear?" "Oh yes, we wish Mike and Sue ...."

I'm afraid we all giggled

(not their real names, obv!)

Best mans speech was just a massive re telling of the gang bangs and orgies the groom had partaken in. Some of which were when he was in a relationship with the bride. Had to stop by partner from filming it

Oh and I went to one where the mother of the bride had had sex with the RC priest doing the ceremony. Her immediate family didn't know but a fair few in the congregation did

Not at a wedding, but I'm getting married this summer and have been on planning fb groups.

One woman went into a massive rant that her grandma didn't feel up to a long journey because she had had a small heart attack just beforehand this woman genuinely thought her grandma was being a giant dick for not going saying "it was only a minor one and it was like three weeks ago"!

During the wedding service, the groom sang a song he had written for the bride. " I love yooooo, oh yes I doooo" . I got the giggles and had to pretend I was coughing and go out for a glass of water.

Worst one was a same sex wedding. One bride got up to give her speech which started " this has been a great year for me " and went on to list all her achievements - getting a promotion, buying a flat, winning a sports event, bagging her GF.

Then ended with the words " so now I'd like to propose a toast to the most beautiful , amazing and talented bride here today - me ! "

Stunned silence in the room, followed by a few people who hadn't been listening trying to toast the other bride , some obedient guests toasting the speech making bride and embarrassed laughs from the rest who assumed it was a ( very poor ) joke.

Someone else's wedding: Groom was quite young and brought his football team mates to the ceremony with their WAGs, all seemed to think they were playing for Man U and we're generally obnoxious throughout including heckling during the service and singing along as the couple walked down the aisle to Busted, The Day I Crashed the Wedding.

Speeches were before the meal even though it was about 9pm at night and most people had come to the wedding after work. After the usual speeches loads of the groom's family stood up to make impromptu speeches preceding each one with dramatic tears and wailing about "they didn't know I was going to do this but I just have to share with you..." Everyone was starving and very bored after impromptu speech number four.

On another note, groom turned out to be an atrocious cunt and the poor bride is still recovering after their abusive marriage so I am at peace with my distaste.

My (first) wedding: Best Man made a long and rambling totally unfunny speech that focused on XH's antics at university with lots of 'in jokes'. My usually mild mannered cousin also took it upon himself to go and harangue the kitchen staff about the poor quality of the food. He was right but still! I later found out he'd been ordered off the premises

These are brilliant

Speeches - there have been a few cringers.

One in particular stands out. Best Man's speech.It was one of those awful jobs with a projector and goto slideshow charting their friendship from babyhood to 30 year olds. It was extremely boring and unfunny an it went on for EVER. Not joking. Half the guests were slumped drunk and crushed with boredom at their tables (bride included), the other half had mysteriously 'nipped to the loo' at some point in the proceedings.

Bride and groom sang 'Islands in the Stream' at the reception and at the end had to walk off stage to have balloons released over them as they couldn't fix them above the stage due to health and safety.

I was hired to fill in as part of a string quartet for a wedding once, my then bf was also playing in it. We were playing the bride down the aisle and the others were meant to all be watching me so I could signal them to end so they could start the ceremony but he was off in his own little world and so everyone except him just petered off and he kept playing until he finally looked up and then just ended in the middle of a bar on a total bum note, whilst the guests just stared at us in disbelief. The worst part was we then had to play again for the signing of the register

I've been to some humdingers but it would definitely out me!

However the last wedding I went to was a 'family' wedding of dh's. He has a tiny family and the groom was a very distant relative (I think we were only there to boost numbers on his side).
Anyway, someone had the bright idea to do speeches when we were all sat at the reception but before any food or drink was served. The speeches went on fir aaaages and we were all SO hungry and thirsty. I was getting really hangry.

Then after what seemed like hours of speeches, a woman on our table (incidentally sat next to me) stood up and started singing Ava Maria but really badly. I think it was a surprise for the bride but no-one knew why etc. It just went on and on......

Then food was served. A tiny dried up chicken breast, a new potato and some green beans. We were starving

Groom who thought the whole wedding was about his amazing wit, ignored the bride's efforts to be serious and played to his mates the whole time.

Wedding speech topped off by thanking a member of bride's family for not wearing any knickers, and thereby keeping all the flies away from the cake...

Was hideous.

At dsis wedding during grooms quite sweet speech groom's father heckled throughout. Painful.

This is all so hilarious but is really cringe! I am so glad OH and mine's wedding plan is to have a tiny legal ceremony and then jet off to Paris on our own. I can't be dealing with all this, but more seriously, people saying at their own weddings there were things they were dreading all day :(

Speeches, first dances, being a spectacle, entertaining others, inviting a load of people, 90% of whom are going to be completely ambivalent about me and OH getting married really, and the tonnes of money ploughed into just make the whole thing seem farcical to me really.

Couple's first dance was to Beach Boys' 'God only knows'. Equipment failed and song halted after first line 'I may not always love you...'
Awks!

I've remembered another....

Friend of dh's wedding - bride had dumped groom 3 times in the space of 4 years before they got married. She'd had affairs with other men. Anyway, they eventually tied the knot. At the reception the bride barely acknowledged her groom and in fact did some rather intimate 'slow' dancing with one of the ushers .

15 years on, the bride and groom have 3 children and are still together - however the husband is regularly kicked out to live in a bedsit for a while. I think they are the imbodiment of 'sticking it out'. Bit depressing really.

Father of the bride speech.

You could have heard a pin drop. He decided to include how he once beat the groom up after he impregnated his daughter. The whole wedding was hideous. Best man gave out viagra to guests as a 'joke', and the bridesmaid it turned out had slept with a lot of people there, including the groom, my BIL and my Dp!!!! (years ago) Was very awkward.