Cringiest thing you've witnessed at a wedding?

[Fourtwenty]

We were secretly sent the lyrics to the first dance and as a surprise we all had to stand up and sing it to the couple.

My toes were curling

We went to a BYO food wedding once too, Allegory but it was different. The food contributions were in lieu of a present and alcohol was provided and people were also told they were welcome to bring their own - we normally end up spending a fortune at hotel bars at weddings so it was much cheaper than usual. I suppose it all depends how and why it is done.

Pippa, I actually didn't mind the self catering nor the gift list really. I did mind serving and cleaning in my wedding outfit. I minded the b&g visiting each table drinking whatever was there and boasting that as they saved so much on the wedding they booked a fabulous honeymoon. Cold food on a winters day. I think I minded most not being treated like a wedding guest but more like a wedding employee?

I can understand that. And the wedding I am referring to was when the couple were struggling financially and they really didn't want wedding presents. Expecting people to clear up is a bit far!

At a wedding recently the ceremony included the registrar basically reading out the bride and groom's CV's 'after x had finished his first degree in A he met y while reading for his second degree in B. Y was studying her HND in C at the time, now she is a qualified m...' it also listed all the holidays (in summer 2012 they went on a cruise down the nile, that Christmas they took an all inclusive break to Barbados....) they'd been on since they'd got together ten years earlier.

Very cringey the whole thing.

One that could have been cringey but is one of my favourite wedding memories: friend raised in UK but from large Eastern European family. About 20 of her relatives would make the wedding, but another 100 or so would have to just send 'telegrams', which would be read out at the wedding.

The chief bridesmaid would have been doing the reading had some emergency and couldn't attend, but the best man took over her duties - until it dawned on him and bride that reading out lots of well-wishing messages in languages he knew none of was going to be a bit tricky.

So best man had a week's crash course in how to pronounce Russian and Polish and decode the older generation's handwriting. The time came after the meal, he stood up and was presented with about 30 cards with a good paragraph in each, and valiantly attempted to read them out.

It could have been mortifying, but the claps and cheers from the tables who understood the messages (sort of), and then glasses being thumped on the table at the end of each one and then someone proposing a toast to Great-Uncle Thingy, then Great-Aunt Wotsit, and the whole wedding toasting these people, and then the best man moving onto the next one, sometimes parent of bride standing up to explain something in English - made it a really funny and heartwarming half hour. Though best man practically collapsed at the end, and not just from all the vodka toasts!

This was at my own wedding. My sisters DH and I went on a few dates before I binned him off as unsuitable. He got engaged to a mate but it didn't work out and ultimately I introduced him to my sister and they got married but as it turned out the venue I married my now DH in is where I met this bloke for the first time. When I arrived at the venue, he and my sister came out to meet me and I was so angry about that as I could have done without it. They are really gobby and overbearing and they had done their kid up as a bridesmaid when I had already said it was low key and I didn't want a bridesmaid. She was dressed in purple too which is my least favourite colour.
Not only that but the husband then leaned in and tried to hug me saying, "Awww, it's all gone full circle hasn't it?" Well NO actually being as I'm not marrying YOU, you complete TOOL" I smiled sweetly as they were about to ruin my day and I wanted to tell them to fuck off! Luckily the photographer could see what was going on and told them to bugger off inside and give me some room to breathe. I haven't spoken to either of them for years now as a result of this and about a million other similar occurrences ranging from crass to criminal.

NotCitrus that is one of the loveliest things I have read!

A couple stand out.

At the reception the bride sang loudly and tunelessly 'The Greatest Love of All' (which is actually about loving yourself) to her groom while scanning the crowd and asking where he was. My DH had seen him meanwhile snorting coke in the bogs with his best man.

Another wedding where each speech topped the last through emotional outbursts finishing with the cocky Best Woman revealing that she and the bride had basically plotted for months how they could manipulate the groom into asking her to get married. He had no idea (thought he'd been spontaneous) and was suitably as were most of the guests.

Notcitrus - that's a proper best man, that is! what a heroic undertaking!

inner - your last e.g. - did they stay married long?

Best thread ever.

Well I thought this was a bit peculiar. At my friend's daughter's reception we were seated with friends of the groom (whom we met for the first time at dinner). During dinner the two couples seated on either side of me and dh swapped competitive stories about variously massive and disgusting shits their toddlers had done during toilet training, the noises they made when they fell in the pan etc. Just to be clear these were not sweet, charming or funny stories that happened to include toilet training, they were detailed, euphemism-free, full-sensory accounts of actual poos. It went on for some time. I felt like I was being hazed.

These guests were all probably almost 20yrs younger than dh and me. Is this usual dinner chitchat now? Perhaps I am just out of touch.

That's gorgeous @notcitrus - living up to his name

The DJ failed to turn up for my cousins wedding. We all waited two hours for a replacement to arrive, getting hungrier and drinker, especially my cousin (the bride).

I could see why she was pissed off with the hotel, but she was so drunkenly abusive to the manager I'm amazed they didn't call the police. Screaming and swearing abuse, raging at everyone, it was awful.

I cringed liked at my friend's wedding, when 3YO DS yelled 'No! STOP!' at the bit where you are asked to ease any objections. He was yelling at another kid who kicked his toy, but it was so embarrassing. Luckily the vicar saw the funny side - she just smiled and said 'Babies don't count' and everyone laughed.

Another one, I'd almost forgotten my ex's cousin's v posh expensive wedding, where the groom staggered up to me and tried to snog me in front of the whole family

They divorced after a year, wonder why...

thumbwitches they are still married nearly 20 years later. Although the same man 2 years later confessed that he loved me on the dance floor at MY WEDDING! I pretended not to hear and laughed as if he'd told me a funny joke then conga'd off with my bridesmaids.

inthesleeplessnightgarden

That sounds London he some weird immigration requirement almost- like they were trying to show they were a real couple by virtue of what they were doing and when.

Sorry sound "like" not London

Well that's quite impressive, Inner - maybe he just CBA to get out of it then! (Or they're made for each other...)

At an otherwise perfectly lovely wedding, the couple had a professional storyteller instead of speeches. He came on between the main course and dessert and just appeared in the middle of the room and started talking very dramatically, stopping all table conversations mid-flow. He wasn't 'announced' in any way so it took a little while for everyone to work out what was going on.

It could actually have been quite sweet if it was shorter but the story just went on and on and on (about 40 mins if I remember) and was a long, rambling, epic about knights and princesses and dragons with loads of characters, hammy delivery and sweeping gestures. I am pretty sure no-one was able to follow the plot and it got pretty awkward after 20 mins or so as we had no idea when he was going to shut up...

Luckily we had already eaten and there was plenty of wine on the tables but it completely ruined the flow of the evening and afterwards everyone just sat quietly whereas before the room had been buzzing with laughter and conversation. Felt a bit sorry for the B&G for that bit but the rest of the day/evening was fab so not a complete disaster!

Cripes Mcakes that's a strong contender. I'm turning inside out with cringe at the thought of it

I went to a very hipster-y wedding recently. Lots of beards and top knots. They played Christmas songs. In July. To be quirky.

You win. That's ridiculous

And I didn't go to this wedding but I know a couple who had their wedding rings delivered to the altar by owl. There's a 20 year age gap, she was 25 when they got hitched and he is quite wealthy. Very stereotypical couple of older bald unattractive bloke and young busty blonde. The bride got so pissed she got up on the mic at the wedding breakfast and said "i know you're all thinking I'm just with him for his money but you're wrong!!", then was sick on her dress and had to go home before the evening guests arrived. They're not together anymore.

Best Man's speech with so many inappropriate references to the groom's student antics, ex girlfriends etc that the Father of the Bride had to stop him.

This is so small time compared to some on here but... a wedding where the bride changed into trainers for the evening and spent most of the time on the dance floor hitching her wedding dress up in a way as to display them in a kind of 'I'm quirky me, look, trainers! Mad!' way.

The heel snapped on my shoe (they were cheap) so I ended up barefoot. Does that count?