Little things that put you off going out with someone

[TakeAwayThatCaterpillar]

I was thinking today about the little things over the course of my dating years men have done/said that instantly made me think "nope, not you". They were probably perfectly nice people in retrospect...

1. Looked mildly nonplused about a woman in a picture having underarm hair.

2. Liked Miranda.

3. Used the phrase "wedding tackle".

There are probably countless more. Tell me yours...

3. Spent more than two minutes "grooming" to go out.

One night stand at university.

He kept whispering 'no falling in love' in my ear, mid-shag.

So I didn't.

I keep remembering ones - I must have repressed memories. A guy I met online sent me a fifteen page letter describing his infantilism fantasies in excruciating detail and how I would have to accommodate him in them.

The folk singer who brought his guitar on the date then proceeded to do the full stage performance with well rehearsed patter. He then sang and did that intense stare that folk singers do.
I started to cry laughing hysterically. He stopped mid performance and left.

The one who set fire to a fart.

The one who used his hand as an ashtray as in stubbed his cigarettes out on his palm.

The one who had chosen the names of 'our children' before we had even gone out on a date! He wrote a rambling letter to my friend who thankfully warned me. I heard he ended up incarcerated after stalking someone else.

The one who was vaccinated with a gramophone needle and talked incessantly especially about his ex wives. Jeez.

Jesus, Rapunzel where do you meet these guys?!

Funny.
Christ, you lot are REALLY picky! I would have gone out with most of this lot.

Moved his hips side to side instead of thrusting in and out in doggy.

tears

Rapunzel I think you should try a matchmaker service, time to let someone else choose some gentlemen callers for you! 😄

First date and he took me to fucking Sainsbury's.

diodati Hysterical!! That reminds me of the Sex And The City episode where Miranda is talking about the guys teeny tiny 'pencil' penis, and she says "I couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me, or erase me..."

On my first and last date with a man I met on POF, we were having a nice meal in a restaurant and he looked deep into my eyes and said 'I want to poo on your chest!'
I've didn't even finish my meal before I legged it out of there!

Eeeeeeooooow!!

Started off by repeatedly saying 'good girl'. I sometimes don't mind this in the bedroom but this was in public when I had helped him out e.g. By holding his jacket.

When we did make it to the bedroom he couldn't get it up, then repeated 'you're a naughty girl' the entire time we did it.

Starting to think he maybe has issues...

This will out me if I have colleagues on here but I also went on a tinder date with a guy who was obviously quite wealthy.

He told me he didn't get on with his mother; when I asked why he said 'she's only a teacher - I just feel like she hasn't applied herself well in life'.

He had a private pilots license and obviously this was usually enough for girls and was very visibly upset when I told him ex dp was a pilot and therefore it wasn't really impressive.

He had two house rabbits and it was becoming very obvious that his ex had just left him leaving said rabbits behind. I had to watch a three minute house rabbit photo slideshow on his phone.

The clincher was when to wind him up I insisted we go to Nando's after our drinks. He was so disgusted by the self-service he walked out and I had a lovely meal by myself

Another one wanted to take me dogging!
It would be quite interesting to get a mans point of view on this!

Oh heck Ive remembered another one. Again, first time DTD. I should've known it might be 'different' when I spied the red satin boxers with little black fornicating couples on them. But I let it go. Substance over style etc. However, he couldn't seem to errrmmmm manage to get it up despite lots of moans, groans and thrashing about. At one point, he was humping the pillow .... up and down up and down... that bit went on for ages...probably in an effort to raise the flag.

I was as embarrassed as he was because I've never known a pillow be more exciting in bed than me First and last time!

His ex-wife was away, so he delightedly invited me round to their former house. To smoke crack with the friend he'd brought with him.

I declined.

The one who, in the throes of passion, would curl up his top lip Elvis-style, fix his eyes on me whilst proclaiming "oh yeah! Oh yeah baby" 😱

Am crying with laughter at the man counting down to his orgasm from 5

And another recent - who told me he was going to show me what a real 'decent bottle of wine was'.

It was a blossom hill rosé

There was the actor/script writer who thought corporate jobs were beneath him became v famous

There was the slightly older man who told me he liked women who liked S&M (second and last date).

There was the nice, kindly chap who told me he liked women to wear skirt and pretty dresses.

As a pp said, chances are some of these men are now married to Mumsnetters. Will anyone admit to recognising their DH's triangular penis/weird verbal tics/orgasm countdowns?

I sort of want to meet the hey ho the wind and the rain guy, I think I'd find that endearing for several minutes

Laughing-through-sex guy was in all other respects attractive and normal, I assume he has by now found his perfect partner who also responds to intercourse as if watching a really good episode of their favourite comedy.