Little things that put you off going out with someone

[TakeAwayThatCaterpillar]

I was thinking today about the little things over the course of my dating years men have done/said that instantly made me think "nope, not you". They were probably perfectly nice people in retrospect...

1. Looked mildly nonplused about a woman in a picture having underarm hair.

2. Liked Miranda.

3. Used the phrase "wedding tackle".

There are probably countless more. Tell me yours...

3. Spent more than two minutes "grooming" to go out.

Shallow as I am, I cannot ever fancy a man who has child-bearing hips

As seen on James Argent (TOWIE)?

Hmmm... so many people have mentioned that funny damp clothes smell!
My DP had that when we first started going out, because he hangs clothes too close together to dry. I'm not sure I realised what it was! Glad I got over it though, and we live together and I do the laundry and he smells nice!

We went to a fairly decent restaurant, with proper cutlery etc.

After dinner... he blew his nose on the serviette. And no, it wasn't a disposable paper serviette, but a decent cotton one.

Never again.

My first BF had wide child-bearing hips! Mind you he was overweight but did A LOT of cycling so he had massive thigh - had quite a feminine figure.
He lived in fleeces - his idea of dressing up was to turn it inside out.
His music collection was TWO cassette tapes - one of them CATS the musical.
He NEVER tidied his room - his mum would come in every quarter or so with bin bags.

Also I think he had body dysmophia by proxy - when a diet consisting of the whitest carbohydrates and rivers of fizzy drink came to have the expected effect was convinced it was ME getting fat and ugly (nope it's you)

But the final nail was the massive sulk when I got better GCSE than him - he made a big thing about his maths grade (the only one better than mine) meaning he was more intelligent and that I only got good grades since I was a girl.

I dumped him in 6th form and watched as his grades fell faster than an object obeying Newton's laws at 1g.

My QC is much better these days.

I've just remembered one - he demanded I hide my dog's bone behind the couch 'in case someone is vegetarian and gets offended'. He wasn't vegetarian, I'm not vegetarian, we were the only two in the house and weren't expecting anyone else.

One guy half way through dtd started mumbling oh no these won't do, when questioned he informed me my nipples were the wrong colour, he didn't like them afterwards he said that it's ok I could keep my bra on in future...so thoughtful, obviously dumped.

happenstance

I want to pleasure you with my tongue OMG an Irish guy said that to me once...

I declined

(Thanks for the flashback )

Last year my ex told me that his work colleague asked ex what I was like. Ex said "she's intelligent and earns more than me". Also talked about me about putting him in my will (we were only together 8 months). gold digging asshole

Bad breath. Stale smelling bath towels. The absolute killer was offering me tarnished asset recovery costume jewellery because they were 'Karen Millen' and 'Vivianne Westwood'.....WTAF... still cant believe he did that - I chucked the whole bag to a charity shop...
Men that talk the whole time about either / or parents or children (I do have both myself but don't want to talk about them the whole bloody time!)
Theres more. I once dumped someone because he had a slight funny whistling noise when he ate. Men who are stingy with money ie Lidls £3.00 lilies but expect me to gush over them like they were something super special. Umm, the final straw to one relationship was the red DMs that an ex wore - I thought he looked like Coco the clown...

One early boyfriend used the word 'tricky' to describe my earrings, and then my hair clip, and probably my shoes (this was back in the 80s...!)

Triangle penis is by far the best one yet!!

The ex who used to say, "Curious!" when confronted with something he found baffling .

One weird bloke that made a point of explaining to me (ALL EVENING) how to keep the glass shower screen clear of limescale.

I had a guy pick me up in his car and thought it was funny that him and his mates just before hand had a farting competition in the car... there was no second date!!

Another bloke that talked about his mother the whole time like she was Mother Theresa. A tough question at the pub quiz and he was always 'Mum would know that'. V irritating.

Same bloke also said whilst watching some programme that featured a single mum with a gay son 'well he's like that because there's no dad around.' I am a single mum with three sons !!!!

Oh God just thought of another near miss - one guy that used the word 'swerve' about 40 times during the first date to indicate something he had avoided, at the same time making a silly chopping movement with his hand. He only stopped when I started copying him!

I'll stop now ! Sorry for hogging but am literally LMAO at work.... even had to show my boss when I couldn't speak for laughing til I cried!

He told me he wrote erotic literature from the female characters' perspective. And the lead male had the same first name as him!

He went for a very audible shit and then told me he expected to sleep over

Same guy

A bloke I had a few dates with kissed me he stuck his tongue in my mouth then just left it there. Stationary for what felt like quite a long time. I was just repulsed. I thought it was some sort of weird joke and waited for him to laugh. No. He went in for the kill and did the exact same thing. That was it for me, I made my excuses and left.

The strange thing was this about date 4, and not the first time we had kissed. It still makes me want to vomit every time I think about it he did contact me again to arrange another date, funnily enough I declined

One who walked funny. When I say funny, it was like when you see a film of how ape man used to walk in neanderthal times. He was a nasty piece of work too so his walk didn't help.

One who had the spindliest arms imaginable. He was a cyclist so his thighs were enormous but then there was this spindly top half.

A guy who... after a series of dates we DTD. Afterwards, in post coital pleasure, I felt a tremble. I looked up and he had tears rolling down his face and he was sobbing. (god, it wasn't that bad was it, I thought to myself). He then took big gulps of air, almost choking, and in between sobs said... "I was just thinking of my ex and how wonderful she was". On yer bike matey!

One who after deciding to spend the night together, I woke up about 3am and sensed something odd. I was a foot away from his face, and I surreptitiously partly opened my eyes. He was staring at me. Like really staring. Like an axe murderer. For the rest of the night I checked. Yep still staring. Next morning I asked how he'd slept. He said he didn't sleep at all because he didn't want to miss one bit of being with me. So basically he had stared at me all night

Also complained he had got dog hair on his clothes (he was sitting on the on the boy dog's chair,and that animal shot out hair like an enraged porcupine firing quills. I love that!

A guy who... after a series of dates we DTD. Afterwards, in post coital pleasure, I felt a tremble. I looked up and he had tears rolling down his face and he was sobbing. (god, it wasn't that bad was it, I thought to myself). He then took big gulps of air, almost choking, and in between sobs said... "I was just thinking of my ex and how wonderful she was"

Fucking hell 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤢

What has made me laugh about so many of these is how many men made it in to bed, despite us knowing these issues before hand!

Oh another one. Very early on, first time I had been to his house. We were in his bedroom, he still lived with his parents at 25 I was 18. He went into his wardrobe and took out a framed picture of his ex to show me what she looked like. We were not even having that type of conversation at the time