How to feel like you're on holiday when you're not?

[qualityjaisket]

I'm really craving a week (or several) in the sun but have no plans for holidays this year. How can I recreate that holiday feeling at home?

Secondhand hot tub!??? I think I did see a blowup floating bar on Amazon so maybe that would be an idea to go along with your hot tub?

Have a look at trip advisor and see what tourists like to do in your area and do some of those things.

Screech at the children for being so ungrateful for whinging and whining even thought you've brought them on a lovely holiday.

Have sex with your SO and then the two of you compare it to regular, home sex... just us?? Oh, well this is embarrassing! 😳😳😳

Take your kids to a restaurant that serves nothing that they recognise. Listen to them complain for the next 2 hours that they can't eat the food ordered because it is the wrong colour/shape/texture or - heavens above - the chef has dared to leave the shell on a prawn and they had no idea prawns came in shells.

Go to your local chain restaurant for 7am breakfast and order beer/bucks fizz or even guinness (weirdo man last year at Gatwick).

Go to the post office and join the queue just to recreate the joys of airport queuing. Tut loudly at the person in front of you who has waited for 15 minutes in the queue and only when they've got to the front start fishing around for the paperwork they need.

Put your swimsuit on and then pour sand right down the front of it. Then get sun tan cream and try to rub it in thereby making sure you polish your skin nice and smooth. Walk sand into every part of your house.

Have your husband wander listlessly around seeking shade, while puffing, blowing and moaning that it's "too hot" every three minutes.

Spray said husband with creosote to replicate the annoying phenomenon of gaining a full, year-lasting tan in the sole five minutes he spends actually out in the sun.

If you have DC, make them sleep on fold out beds in your room for a week (as it's stupidly expensive in school holidays to get two adjoining hotel rooms). Then make sure the whole family goes to bed at the same time- play a game where you try to decide whether it's better to go to bed when they are ready and try to quietly read or wait until later and risk grumpy children for the whole of the next day.

Eat foods that you like, but in odd combinations and at odd times. Smear you and your DC in grease at regular intervals (to mimic the lovely feeling of waterproof sun cream). The sit outside your front door and get DH to ask everyone who passes by where they are from, what they do for a living and whether they have been here before.

Oh god Maidofstars that's bloody it!

Get a free pass at a David Lloyd or some gym with an outdoor pool. Settle down on a lounger in the sunshine.....

Have a breakfast of a mini croissant, baked beans, jam made of a fruit recognisable only to the Spanish, garlic mushrooms and lukewarm tea, all served on one plate.

Invite any passing Germans and Austrians to drape their towels over your settee, armchairs etc at 6.30am, before vanishing for the day.

Ask your DH or a close friend to hide your car in the car park of any major supermarket within a 5 mile radius, and only give you the keys when you've found it and agreed to pay €500 in Special Damage Collision Insurance for 3 days' use.

Go shopping and barter really badly over some stuff you don't know why you want.

Eat sweaty cheese for your breakfast.

Dust off the Galliano/Kahlua/other random shite forrin alcohol and drink it with a paper parasol in the glass.

Go and look round a church making interested noises.

Take photos of some random people going about their daily lives. Like the trolley collector in Asda, for example.

Decide to completely change your life so you can live 'like this' all the time. Make a pie in the sky plan. Forget about it.

Feign an interest in art and sculpture.

Stand and watch a busker, and possibly dance a bit.

Use tiny toiletries and a shit hairdryer for a fortnight.

For a less exotic holiday experience, park on the M5 and argue whether to go to Strensham Services, or if you can hold on until the nice ones at Gloucester.

Yy to trying to hold out for Gloucester services . You basically feel like the Queen of the M5 if your family's bladders allow you to give Strensham a swerve.

Going to my parents, I exit the M5 before Gloucester services. Strensham is our last chance to stop

Oh, Maid. I am sorry . But you have sampled Gloucester's green curves and quiet cleanliness?

Don't forget to post your holiday Instagrams.
Hashtag to your hearts content.
You will be well traveled this summer!

Mumbod that made me lol!!

Find a gelati shop and pay 3 times what the locals pay.
Take a sick DC to a doctor who does not speak English and act out what the issue is.
Take medicine in suppository form.
Have a siesta just when your neighbour is doing really loud DIY involving 2 hours hammering and drilling.
Cross a road with several lanes of traffic including animals and no pedestrian crossing.
Take a taxi the long way round. Extra points for how circuitous the route is and how inflated the bill.

And have a riproaring argument with your DH about your navigation and his not listening.

Maid I thoroughly recommend a special detour.

Shamelessly bumping because these are all making me laugh

This thread is brilliant.

Holiday row

Spend too much

Eat crap

Eat nice food

Dry too much

Get dehydrated

Have fun

Be miserable

Yep. That's my holiday checklist ✅

Dhl your suitcase to a place you are not going,

Hang out in an overpriced, poor quality tie dye t shirt that is 2 sizes too big and a sarong for 3 days.

Ask courier to send your suitcase back after 3 days. Make sure you leave the house for 4 nanoseconds so they can try and deliver it.

Watch re-runs of Eurovision to recreate evening entertainment in the hotel

Visit your local corner shop every day and buy a selection of random dismal gifts on the final day to give to your nearest and dearest

Speak to your neighbours who you've happily ignored for the past 5 years and ask them highly personal questions about their jobs, all previous holidays they've ever been on and their views on Brexit

I have been liberally spraying Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess in the vain hope that it will make me feel like I'm on a beach.

Shamelessly bumping.

Bronze Goddess parfum is nothing like the eau fraiche. A lot of vanilla.