How to feel like you're on holiday when you're not?

[qualityjaisket]

I'm really craving a week (or several) in the sun but have no plans for holidays this year. How can I recreate that holiday feeling at home?

Take a bar stool and a cocktail to your local swimming baths, sit in the water at the side of the pool, and try to engage anyone who has the misfortune of making eye contact with you into an over the top personal conversation about how much they paid for their trip, what they do for a living and how much they paid for their house.

Introduce your partner to them in a way that would massively suggest you were both vacation Swingers.

Haha yes, drinking a G&T and going for a swim!

( disclaimer: Not recommended for H&S reasons obvs)

Hire a moped and ride around without a helmet

Get pissed and get a really inappropriate tattoo

Go to a karaoke bar

Go to a zoo wearing a cowboy hat and pretend you're on safari

Every morning put a tiny piece of wrapped chocolate on your pillow so you can discover it before bed.

One night get very drunk and sleep with face on said chocolate. Find somewhere in public to have breakfast. Don't look in the mirror first and make sure your DH also doesn't notice it so you are unaware that you appear to have an attractive smear of shit on your forehead.

Also, possibly the same morning to save time, cuddle a thin stray local cat and then feel itchy all day.

Please keep this going, it's genius - properly cheered me up !

Go to an exotic pet shop. Stock up on spiders and snakes to hide in your shoes.

Go into your local pound shop and buy lots of 'eclectic souvenirs' made of balsa wood and maybe some patchwork harem pants for good measure. Look at them in horror when you get home.

Make your bed with flat sheets tucked in so tightly that you have to pull them out completely to get into the bed. During the night wrap the four loose corners of the sheet tightly about every limb. Keep the heating on full all night to add to the sweaty panic when you wake up bound and immobile.

Crank heating up to max.
Fill bath with salt and lie in it.

Attempt to dry yourself with a damp towel with mushed in suncream, making sure you rub the salt roughly into your legs.
Settle yourself with a large glass of cheap plonk and some Ruffles crisps, while running blue after sun onto shoulders.

Wearing skimpy swimwear hire a row boat at the local boating lake. Load boat up with drink then voila your very own booze cruise. Optional sunshade umbrella.
Bonus is that if you fall out of boat it's only knee deep.

Wearing skimpy swimwear hire a row boat at the local boating lake. Load boat up with drink then voila your very own booze cruise. Optional sunshade umbrella.
Bonus is that if you fall out of boat it's only knee deep.

Oops, no idea why that posted twice I have not been trying out holiday cocktails or maybe I have

After a breakfast of things you would never usually eat spend the day getting slightly tipsy lying on a sun lounger. Then head up to your room for a shower before dinner. This will consist of random items on the same plate with token salad followed by a strange pudding which looked lovely but tastes of angel delight. Then head outside into the garden for the mini disco which will include Superman and the Birdie song but in forrin. Drink more. Sit through bingo which you cannot join in because they call the numbers in every language apart from English. Then relax with a cocktail whilst a 79 year old sings easy listening tunes, again in forrin. Make sure he is accompanied by a keyboard backing track from 1983. Head back to your room and fall asleep in a bed with one tiny pillow, a too small top sheet and scratchy blanket. Ensure you are either far too hot or cold in the middle of the night and wake up several times. Get up and repeat for 7 days.

Gatecrash a wedding reception?

Learn some foreign phrases. Go up to total strangers and repeat them. Feel embarrassed when they reply in perfect English.

Stay indoors for a week. Don't answer your phone, answer the door, but post pics of exotic places on your social media. Cover yourself in fake tan, then when Brown, go meet your mates down the pub and show off!

Get up at 2am.
Put on a full face of make up and shorts and a tshirt.
Pack the car so full you can't see any other vehicles apart from the one in front of you.
Drive around n freezing temperature until sunrise, come back home, down a pint of lager then arrange your dining room chairs in a row without any leg room.
Snort loud enough to wake the neighbours and dribble down your chin.
Go and find a coach that's not going anywhere for two hours and sit on it with a screaming baby and a toddler who shouts 'I've Poo in my pants'

Just have sky news on the TV all week. Nothing else.

Put some sand in your handbag.

Buy lots of bottled water to either drink cold or boil in a tiny saucepan to make tea.

Feed the local stray cats.

Go out to the pub and ask if they can put British soaps on.

ask your neighbours to mind your pot plants, feed your cat and put out your bin.

Make sure they don't have a key to have a cuppa in your house!

Hide in the attic /basement eating tins of beans and sardines, olives, cucumber and feta chorizo and Manchego. Not to worry if you get a tummy bug.

Get a fake tan spray, or a sun lounger to move about on the floor where the sun's shining through the velux. Sprinkle sand as a seasoning in all your food and on the floor. Buy a fan and angle it to blow sand into your eyes, and bikini.

Go out at night to buy fags and grappa and hope your wallet isn't stolen. Wear high sandals and twist your ankle if you can.

Drink plonk from a box.

Lather yourself in coconut oil, and spray salty water on yourself too. Remain in your hat for 8hours a day until your hair is unrecognisable.

Read some horrific shite like 50 shades.
Read up on some foreign castle/ Templar knights /plague/ finch beak.
There will be a quiz later.

Insert European plug converters into every power point in your house. Buy and use 'humorous' luggage tags in your handbags and the children's backpacks. Find your nearest 1 star hygiene rating tattoo parlour and get a charming camel tattooed on your foot.

Put your TV in the back garden and watch Only Fools and Horses on a loop.

willstarttomorrow you've just described every holiday I've ever been on

WicksEnd the sensible suggestions are what I was looking for but the silly ones have made me laugh and I am considering doing a few of them anyway.

Get up really early and queue in your bikinis with your towel etc at the back door for at least half an hour before breakfast to get the best spot in the garden. If you have dc, or dpartner and then get the best spot, sneak out during breakfast and move their towel.
Start drinking at 10am.