Someone has nicked my username!

[QueenMortificado]

Name changed to this off the back of another thread a few weeks ago where I used the word Mortificado and my previous name had had Queen in it

Today I see someone else is now registered as TheQueenMortificado.

Wtf. It's myyyyy name. Aren't there rules around plagiarism like this???

TQM if you see this come forward and explain yourself!

Right - so long story short - pomegranate seeds, who knew?!

What's going on? Has everybody left?

FFS, that's the last time I spent days clawing my way back up from the underworld.

How'd you stop being a ghost?

You better not have done a deal with you know who?!

That's right, I slept with Zeus!

Pomegranates came into it, but on a family-visible website I'm not sure I can exactly spell out how.

Now - what's this about you giving my throne to my murderer?

Oh, FFS, now I understand why the erstwhile perpetually balmy climate of this realm has turned so chilly. Not that I mind, but the corgis don't like snow.

Still got my axe, Princess.

Diamond encrusted now, natch.

"Flappy" is a term of affection.

He is registered as "ScaleClaw; Grand Dragon of the Matterhorn, Slayer of Biggish Mice, Destroyer of Persian Carpets, Immolater of Picturesque Alpine Cottages, Melter of Garden Furniture*, and Fondue-Maker Extraordinaire"

• He's not very big yet - largish mice are still a tussle

** We did have a small falling out over this, but he made me a fondue, I gave him a Bumper Bag of Mixed Moths.

He is cute - everybody admires him. He has already got himself a Saturday job crisping the tops of cremes brûlée in the local Michelon starred restaurant. He is saving up for a Magic Amulet.

I am so proud!

(Have nc'ed to avoid embarrassment. Naice ham, Pom bears, you know the drill.)

So - long story short, I recently had a short but extremely intense affair with a long-presumed-mythical god. So far no complaints, although he hasn't called or texted yet

Problematically though, my, er, lady garden is now electrocuting me every time I touch it. It's also occasionally attacking the servants, which I'm naturally less bothered by, but the smell of burning flesh is getting to me a bit.

Has anyone else had this problem and how did they fix it?

Oh god name change fail! Will report

PrincessM

Your "lady garden" attacking people, the burning smell, electric shocks etc- could there possibly be a baby dragonet (or dragonette!) in there?

I know that you and mythical god haven't long been finished, and I'm sure you took the necessary precautions (sacrificing a goat, dancing widdershins around the top of a volcano, avoiding pomegranate seeds . . . ) but accidents happen and you could well be up the duff, if I may use a medical term.

As an ex-Pope I will be delighted to officiate at the Christening, for a small fee.

... Avoiding pomegranate seeds? That LYING SHITTY BASTARD! "It'll help your throat" indeed

Off to buy pg tests. I had loads but someone helpfully cleared out my room when I was brutally murdered by our reigning monarch.

Glad your adopted youngster seems to be turning out well too, 2kids. Even without the amulet he's quite precocious, bless his little flame-retardant cotton socks!

Have nc'ed to avoid embarrassment. Naice ham, Pom bears, you know the drill

trumpets yes those

FROM HENCE FORTH

TIS DECREED BY ROYAL PROCLAMATION

That those citizens who wish to claim true and sincere MN Mortiificado identity must from this day produce as addendum to ye aforesaid "Pombear etc" list THE NAME OF MORTIFICADO

Those who fail to so include Mortificado in aforesaid list of proof of Mortificado MN genuiness are hence and here to forth identified as ye olde non-actualist genuine official mumsnetters Mortificados
ie. non persons.Banished.

Based on what has just happened, maybe I am a long distant relative for a reason

What? Lady Jane still alive?

I'm not sure I understood that proclamation. Is Lady Jane not merely staging a coup for the throne of the realm of Mortificado, but also claiming domination over the surrounding territories known as 'mumsnet'? Does the rightful Queen of those lands, Justine the Just, need to be alerted?

She can bet her pretty neck that behaviour will be Beyond The Pale

If anyone needs to be invested as Monarch of the Realm of Montificado, I, the ex-PapalYoungPretenderMontificado, formerly Pope following the Great Schism, will be delighted to perform the Investiture Ceremony, for a small fee.

I don't suppose she can gain support by persuading the sorcerer known as 'tech' to magically transform the peasants UserNNN... into MortificadoNNN... amusing though the ensuing chaos might be, I doubt we could cope with the population increase.

If anyone wants the suddenly increased population to be Christened in the True Faith, I, as ex-Pope, would be delighted to perform a mass immersion ceremony, for a small fee.

As the Actual Religious Mortificado...

I'll do hatches, matches and dispatches for a cup of tea and a filthy joke.

Evensong's tonight, in the Cathedral of the Holiest Hobnob. Songs of praise and worship to Single Malt, Juniper Gin and Naice Prosecco. Nightcap of espresso martini and jammy dodgers.

Be there or be sober.

Stop trying to undercut me, SisterMortificado !

Don't listen to her, people - her jammy dodgers are the Food Of Satan!

Here at the Alpine Church Retreat of the Blessed Ex-Pontiff and YoungPretenderMortificado (Windows cleaned, all types of gardening work undertaken, no job too small, Tarot readings by appointment only, ring between 2 and 4 Thurs pm) I the former PapalYoungPretenderMortificado, offer an exclusive and bespoke service involving Jaffa Cakes. (Parties catered for.)

think

?

"of the children"?