Someone has nicked my username!

[QueenMortificado]

Name changed to this off the back of another thread a few weeks ago where I used the word Mortificado and my previous name had had Queen in it

Today I see someone else is now registered as TheQueenMortificado.

Wtf. It's myyyyy name. Aren't there rules around plagiarism like this???

TQM if you see this come forward and explain yourself!

''Tis I - the twin you never knew you had "

< cue Mortificado dramatic ending theme song >

Prince, wake up! And ... Sister?

Go away, too early to hear about your latest fling.

I'm dead you insensitive shit! Do something!

FUCKINELL! DEAD?

Mummy, does that mean I have to get married to produce a spare? Or can we put one of the bastards in the line of succession?

If you need togged married I, PapalYoungPretenderMortificado will be delighted to perform the ceremony for a small fee.

It will have to be tomorrow, though. I was very sick last night - I think it was eating all them confirmed dragon eggs. I should have known that any egg with an iridescent blue yolk wasn't going to be terribly good for me.

Lovely flavour, though - reminiscent of aniseed, with a touch of walnut and sticky toffee pudding.

*to get - not togged

Sorry

*confitted - not confirmed - though I as Pope, could of course, confirm them if I liked

You what? My babies!!! If you think I'm going to take this you've got another think-

Shit, I've fallen through the floor again

Mum, dad, the spare is kaput! You better make another. Marriage is not my thing.

Ghost - don't come all high and mighty with me. If you'd cared about your eggs you would have been looking after them like a Proper Mother, and not gallivanting the wine cellars with an ex-Pope and a Whisky-knickered Nun.

You can see how this is going to look to the SocialServicesMontificado, can't you . . . .

Jane, I've told you to raise taxes and send it all though my bank account. Why aren't you replying to my texts? You and Guildford better not be falling in love and making up idealistic claptrap in some country estate, or so help me.

I DIED you ignorant cow!

Last thing I remember was ballooning to a size 781 and trying to find maternity clothes on the M&S website that wouldn't make me look like a fucking zeppelin, and then a sort of hazy light.

The moment I work out how to come upstairs again, it's on!

You're a bloody ghost, fly, DSis.

You'd think wouldn't you?

Shit!

Ok, I'm now in the cellar. In case anyone needs me.

You lot still here? You're fucking difficult to get rid of.

I'm so confused about who everyone is. Can someone draw me a family tree and some kind of diagram? Thanks!

Do I need to perform an exorcism?

I think I do.

After...

Was that exorcism or exercise? Because I don't like the sound of either.

Incidentally, did you guys know we have underground caverns beneath the cellars? There's so much gold!

Right cock - 'ow many taters do yer want?

There's so fucking many of them! Drawing up the will is going to be an effing nightmare

Exorcism, Ghost

Where, y'know, I wave the Saintly Censer around and shout about biscuits and apparently your head's supposed to spin around a few times and drop off.

Or something.

Care to bring up some of that there gelt, btw?

Err, sorry. Was just warming up.

The will and the core family are perfectly straightforward. Daddy, mummy, me. There used to be my DSis, but she managed to ghost herself.

There are many mistresses and illegitimate sprogs, half of them with some dragonblood, they all come and empty the cellars, but won't get the house or the crown. Bloody corgis, dragons and various holy warriors plus the staff are fed, watered and housed as needed.

We pay all those taxes and she does eff all for us and she's got more bedrooms than we've got bloody turnips .... that Sue Townsend had the right idea! Send the whole fucking lot of them to live on a council estate on 'the living wage'! ...........all grumble loudly and start looking for pitchforks>

........ and tune in next week for the Revolution! Will the subjects overthrow Queen? Will Queen get off her arse? How will subjects bowels react to food other than turnips? How will subjects redistribute the money they used to pay to Queen? And which council estate will Queen and family be sent to????