Help! What rhymes with cuntweasel?

[squishysquirmy]

Other than teasel, easel, or measle?
Writing a sweary poem, and really wanted to include it but struggling to find a rhyme that isn't completely out of context.....

That is brilliant! Another standing ovation from me!

Wow! That sums him up to perfection!

Brilliant. Needs a very sharp, acerbic reading on YouTube. Hats off to you!

Please feel free to share or repost if you like. If you want to credit it to someone, credit it to "Harriet" or "a mumsnetter". It remains my intellectual property, but you are welcome to pass the poem on.
I am actually working on a redraft but if you want to copy it, do it now.... not everyone likes it and there's a possibility it may be deleted.

Reading this is the first time I've been properly happy since the election so thanks!

I've a feeling it doesn't remain your intellectual property now you have posted it in MN. I hope that doesn't matter.
George
X

What? Bugger. How do you PM someone then, has it moved?!

This is amazing.

A good point George.
I suppose I shouldn't use legal terms I don't understand...
Anyway, I have no objection to anyone copying this as long as they don't pass it off as their original work, iyswim.

That's good then
I think you spell it cuntweasel not cuntweasle

Love it!
PS. flaccid not flacid :)

It is your intellectual property. By posting on MN you grant them a non exclusive licence to publish but that has diddly squat to do with other reproduction or your own rights.

Similarly, granting us the licence to republish properly attributed doesn't permit anyone else looking at you "journalists" in the Fail offices publishing it for financial gain.

Thanks Mrs Hathaway. That's exactly what I hoped.
Thanks also for the corrections... I have a complete blind spot to my own typos, and it doesn't help that my spellchecker is a bit of a prude.

Absolutely amazing, love it'

Should clarify: IANAL but work in a related field and have done exams about OP including copyright.

Very good

squishysquirmy that is a bloody work of genius!

I did a course on copyright many years ago and have produced a lot of copyrighted material. I'm pretty sure that under British law your copyright is safe.

However, and this is a big however, your position under the American system is very different. There you need to apply for copyright and pay a modest fee. Given the nature of your magnificent diatribe I would suggest it was well worth your while to do this. You can register copyright under a pseudonym, although you will need to provide your real name to the copyright people.

I think the difference in the US is that you can register copyright, not that you must.

Wouldn't bloody surprise me though

for the nice comments.
Realistically prawn, I don't think there are many ways to make money from a sweary poem but thanks for the info anyway.
To clarify: I am happy for anyone to copy or forward this poem. I do not want the daily mail etc trying to make money from this. (If you are reading this, DM, don't you have some medical trials to be wilfully misunderstanding??)

Also, below is the non-offensive version. I really hope this new version will not offend anyone but do please let me know if it is still too harsh:

I do not wish to offend you, but I must respectfully admit that I do not much care for the cut of your jib.

Furthermore, I have reason to feel some misgivings about the veracity of several of your past statements.

I am also concerned that you have not always conducted yourself in a gentlemanly manner and at times your comments on minorities in particular could be construed as a tad unsporting.

Most importantly, I am compelled to confess that I have observed certain parallells between your rhetoric and rise to power (in particular the threats to lock up political opponents; scapegoating of unpopular minorities; exploitation of security fears as an excuse to clamp down on civil freedoms; nostalgic nationalism; promises to increase military power; inciting violence against protestors at rallies; strong reaction to media criticism; demonisation of liberalism, feminism and human rights; links to white supremacists; and wilfull promotion of demonstrably untrue conspiracy theories) and a political ideology of the 20th Century.

Respectfully,
Squishy.

It doesn't rhyme unfortunately.

That's a brilliant poem.

OP I think you should get this published but also, I'd like to say thank you. This is going to be my go to for therapy. I've been hit hard by this, even though I knew it was coming, I'm shocked at how upset I am - America being very much part of my and my loved ones' worlds. You have given coherence to some of my saddest and deepest feelings of revulsion and that helps.

love it! vocal pollution is my favourite bit, after arse-measle.

It doesn't rhyme.
But it's very true.