I hate having kids

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

Queenliz, genuinely I do. I have three but two have autism so that colours my view slightly. My youngest very serve autism and I frequently wish I'd not had her then hate myself for it. I never thought it would be this hard or exhausting. I can't work as the younger two with autism make it impossible. I never truly appreciated my life before. I feel constantly on the edge of a breakdown and wonder what the fuck have I done. My world is now tiny.

It's this one badders. Not a roomba, those are horrifically expensive.

I'm so glad to read this thread. Sometimes I feel I'm being terribly ungrateful. A couple of years ago I wrote on another online forum that I found parenting a drudge. Every poster lambasted me for not being joyful to have children and some screamed at me that they wanted more kids but couldn't for whatever reason. I felt so alone and thought there was something wrong with me.

Babies can smile all they like.
It does not make up for sleep!

I fell over the other day and my first thought was I hope I have broken a bone [confused.]

I'm up to the reuniting the moon parents episode.

Snap

The days are long but the years are short.

I tell you what doesn't help is Facebook. I feel so alone when looking at their pictures of what they do with their kids.
Thanks for this thread

Oh god.
Facebook is not real life.
Seriously.
It's just not.

Op I have the same age gap and I spent the first two years of dc2's life thinking: what have I done?! Dc2 never slept through, (still hasn't at 8yrs old) and was as awkward as dc1 was easy (ish-it's all relative! ). It did get slightly easier once dc2 reached 2 years but no, it's an uphill slog. And harder I think (though I'll happily accept a denial of this as I am too worn out to stick hard and fast with any theory these days) with a bigger age gap.

How many times do we have to say 'Put your shoes on'? How many times can they lose the karate suit even though they've been told 500 times to take it off and put it in a bag and put it in the hall. ARRRGH. I love them to distraction, but one of the best things about splitting up with my ex is that I get a few days off a week when they go to him. Of course, when they're gone I miss them like mad.

I tell you what doesn't help is Facebook. I feel so alone when looking at their pictures of what they do with their kids. - add Pinterest to that!! All those craft ideas that 'good parents' must be doing that I'm not just adds guilt on top of guilt.

Tbh I think some of those Pinterest parents are a bit...er....mad.
😁😳🙄
Kids just want to have fun and get as messy as possible.
They don't want to make a crochet working sewage treatment works (or whatever)

I love DD, but I'm shit at being a mum and equally shit at my job. Also a shit wife, but that's much lower on the list of priorities. Before I met DH I lived by myself, and had all the time in the world to work, learn about work, keep my house lovely and see friends. If I could go back, without having ever known DD, I'd do it. I couldn't let her go now she's here, but if she'd never existed it would be different.

Yes, it's hard.
the hardest part for me was the early years and the sleep deprivation. I took the full year mat leave with dc2 and still, when I went back to work, the sleeping thing was a daily grind and I remember sitting on the stairs sobbing, hungry, desperate. (no help from P who clocked off the second I walked in the door)

Things are better now. They are 5 and 7, love school, I love chatting with them about it, I love that they have independent lives and do things without me and then tell me all about it.

ExP and I are separating. Despite the fact that he will never have any idea what maternity leave with an EBF baby is like - or with an EBF baby and a toddler - he bears a massive grudge against me that his life is so duty-orientated and that he has so little freedom. (He has no fucking clue.) I commute and he doesn't so he does do some childcare when I am not there in the evenings. However, he does it sloppily, lazily, and bitterly resents me for it although my 13 hour days are hardly a picnic (and necessary for the finances of the family). We both agreed to have children and he was more into it than me, if anything, so I am not sure why he thinks that I, as an individual, am to blame for him not being able to wander off to the pub at will. He also suggested that we move here and that I commute to work so I am not sure why the reality of that makes me such a bitch.

I said it was better and it is - partly because we are separating. Although I am very sorry about the initial sadness that this will cause the dcs, I am happy that I can live my life without being under the constant shadow of guilt and resentment because of his attitude to the situation. AND he wants to have 50/50 residency and I agree. I am sorry that I will lose control over some of the things that he can't be arsed to do some of the week, and he has taken the easier part of the week (and arranged for his mum to do all the school pick ups).

But that life of being howled at, kicked, and kept awake all night by children, AND earning a living in a demanding job AND being glowered at by the man you live with because he seems to think your hollow, boring, empty, miserable, drudgery-ridden life with no calm, no rest, no art, no creativity, little comfort, little sleep, no personal space and eating rushed awful food ISN'T MAKING YOU QUITE MISERABLE ENOUGH - yep I'm ready for that to end.

I have one child - I always tell people it's because of the fertility struggles, high risk pregnancy and traumatic labour. Those things did all happen but the main reason is that I know I would lose my mind if I had to look after more than one. The unrelenting responsibility is bloody terrifying and suffocating and I do not have the head space to do this for more than one person!

He's just started school and I work two days a week - those other three days of bliss feel like my reward for surviving the first four years.

I am like at all those parents on Facebook that are like
'Baby going to school, growing up way too fast, wish I could slow time down'.
I can't wait for my two to push off so I can carry on with my real life,
Ifywim'

rozdeek I just wanted to say I had pnd too, it does get better! This thread is great because people are being brutally honest about the tough bits but does not mean there is no joy to be had. My daughter is 12 now. I loved her primary school years, all her news, achievements, hobbies. She is now a pre teen, moody as hell somedays but very quick witted and funny. I'm sure they'll be more ups and downs ahead but its not all bleak. I found having a 6 month old very draining and went through the motions, it got loads better. HTH.

would definitely not have done it if I had known.....I am a terrible parent and my and my DH's life has gone completely to crap since having a child.

DD asked if I would have another baby tonight because she liked the idea of being proud of a younger brother in a story I was telling....and it is quite something to feel so absolutely certain about something being a terrible idea....

I did tell her that I wouldn't be having another baby...but did at least avoid telling her why.

Poor kid...it totally isn't her fault...it is all mine. Nothing like having to lie in the bed you made.

stitch that is exactly the kind of lie I find myself telling too.

I have adult children and love them dearly ,they are doing well but given my life again would not have been a mother . It's hard to acknowledge but true.

I feel better just for reading this thread. I've broached a fraction of this with friends and have been berated as a bit of a slap dash unwilling mum - which makes me sad actually, as although I find it desperately hard at times, I hate being viewed as some ungracious, ungrateful, shit, haphazard, bucket load of shit mum by people who seem to float around on some kind of 'great mum' cloud I've no chance of joining.

Yes to the whole 'they grow up so fast' things. Do they?! And is it particularly sad even if they do?!

june many moons ago whilst still on facebook the posts that got me. Photo of baby on their 1st birthday with caption "where has my baby gone?" I'd think nowhere, their still a baby! I am however a heartless cow and don't miss 0-1 yrs old at all. .