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Mumsnet classics

I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
Rozdeek · 13/09/2016 21:50

I have PND and a 6 month old and was clinging onto the hope it will get better.

This thread has made me very sad.

Flowers for all.

GreenieGables · 13/09/2016 21:51

When I was in being induced with DC3, I remember being so ridiculously excited that I was going to have a break. I was sent in at 38 weeks and wasn't allowed to leave until he was born, and my god did I enjoy just lying there doing nothing. They kept apologising for the delay, but I loved it. I had 3 days of pure bliss before I was induced.

DC1 has just started secondary school, and I can honestly say this is the hardest time I've ever had with her. I thought it would get easier, but no. It's harder.

My age ranges are really hard to entertain, there's quite a big gap between them and I've always found it hard.

Now my youngest is 3 I've finally taken up a little job and restarted two old hobbies. It feels great.

Love the quote in the first page, sums parenting up 100%.

formerbabe · 13/09/2016 21:52

When I had dc2, I was discharged from hospital just 2 hours later. I was gutted, I had been looking forward to a night in hospital, instead I was sent straight home to look after a 2 year old and a mountain of housework!

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 21:52

I also stay up too late after my children have finally gone to sleep just to be able to get some time to breathe. It backfires as then I'm even more tired...

I know it gets somewhat better once they sleep as it did with dc1 but I'm holding onto sanity by the tips of my fingernails right now.

OP posts:
JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 13/09/2016 21:54

I love the 'cleaning up after a party you haven't actually attended' line. It's perfect!

I've thought about borrowing my in laws dogs to come and clear up the constant dropped food mess. I've finally admitted defeat and bought a robot vacuum cleaner.

Backingvocals · 13/09/2016 21:55

What a fantastically honest thread. Quite honestly this should be in classics as this is the essence of MN. Fantastically honest women sharing their truths about parenting.

Single parent to two here. It's the drudgery and relentlessness that kills me. That and school chucking a Roald Dahl day dress up extravaganza our way with four days notice when I havent even finished unpacking from the holidays yet and was tied up all weekend with my son's birthday party (make cake, corral kids, sort venue, shout at guests, clear up party, transport everything home, spend whole of rest of weekend putting together effing Lego and knex and trying to get thank you cards written).

This is an interesting article on why parents hate parenting. Comforting somehow. nymag.com/news/features/67024/

TheNoodlesIncident · 13/09/2016 21:55

AND, and, that old lie saw about "the time just flies by". NO IT DOESN'T. Every day felt like a week. DS took forever to get to be a year old. I don't remember much of that time either, although I do remember, with frightening clarity, the time we got back from a particularly frought trip to the town centre and I collapsed in tears just inside the front door. I howled and wailed like a demented banshee, and could not have stopped if you'd offered me a million quid.

When I finally ran dry I discovered the post had been pushed through the letterbox while I was curled up on the floor shrieking. The postman could not have NOT heard. The joys of it all. Sad

SemiNormal · 13/09/2016 21:55

I also stay up too late after my children have finally gone to sleep just to be able to get some time to breathe. It backfires as then I'm even more tired...

I do this exact thing too! It's so counter-productive but I feel like I need more time to myself to do things for me for a change. Instead I stay up aimlessly browsing Mumsnet because I'm too exhausted to actually do anything anyway.

ScrimshawTheSecond · 13/09/2016 21:56

By end of the day my voice is all hoarse and croaky from all the talking - the endless, endless, repeated instructions, cautions, explanations. I think they have broken me.

Worst: I quite like it when they're a bit under the weather, because then they are quiet and I can let them watch TV without extra lashings of the Daily Guilt.

This is me doing well, fwiw. After PND and a horrendously colicky firstborn, I think it has been at least marginally easier since, and especially since nursery/school. But overall, I had not the slightest clue what I was letting myself in for. Not the tiniest fucking scooby. They're lovely, my kids, quite often, but I wish I had more help/support. I have absolutely no idea how people manage when there are additional difficulties/issues. I can't imagine.

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:56

It does get better roz!
My eldest is 13 now and really lovely.
Ds2 is nearly 8 and going through a separation anxiety stage ATM but it will stop eventually.
It's so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel some days but its there.
Don't despair!
Big changes that helped me enjoy them more;
Them not needing me to feed them
Being toilet trained. No more Nappies!
Being able to verbally communicate their needs/wants
Sleeping better!
Being able to amuse themselves for longer periods
It does all happen.....eventually!
💐

sausagefest · 13/09/2016 21:57

I swapped with dh over half term and worked full time plus commute. He took leave. It was heaven.

I just worked (paid job. Piece of piss compared with mumming at home) and came home to a meal. Spent 30 minutes with the dc putting them to bed and watching TV then relaxed.

A true holiday. Then I realised that was pretty much dh's life.

No wonder he wants more dc!

hunnypots · 13/09/2016 21:57

Oh yes. And this is why I'm stopping at one... Grin

Tibblesthecat · 13/09/2016 21:57

This thread reminds me of a friend of mine who doesn't have kids but has many nieces and nephews and her DP has grown up kids. She was constantly asked if she'd like her own baby. Her standard reply was 'No, babies grow up'.

My kids are still very young but I totally see what she meant. I am DREADING the time, expense and worry that are ahead of me. I envy my childless friends going on holidays, drinking, shopping and just sleeping. Getting up when they feel like it, doing what they want, leaving their houses without numerous trips back inside to pick up random shit because somebody is having a meltdown, remembering to bring water bottles and everything else, cleansing and moisturising their face every evening. I barely get time to brush my teeth.

I would do anything for them. But just sometimes I wish it was just me again.

Backingvocals · 13/09/2016 21:57

And yy to being looked after. Someone at work brought me a cup of tea in a meeting recently and I nearly cried at the feeling of having someone look after me Sad

formerbabe · 13/09/2016 21:57

DS took forever to get to be a year old

My dc were 2.5 for about 4 years each!

Caper86 · 13/09/2016 21:59

Since becoming a parent I've become intrigued as to whether there's anyone out there who actually does like it??? I love my baby but miss my old life so so much. Sleepless nights followed by a relentless day is hell on earth...

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 22:00

I'm jealous of your robot Hoover mouse!
I do wish ds2 could get over his anxiety ATM.
And I feel so guilty for saying that.
He's only 7 but it seemed as soon we sorted ds1s sleep issues out, ds2 bargain to have issues.
Oh well. At least there isn't a dc3!!
I am also baffled/in awe of those women who have hoardes or kids.
One can only assume they get either lots of family help or paid help.
How could they manage otherwise?

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 13/09/2016 22:00

I also stay up too late after my children have finally gone to sleep just to be able to get some time to breathe. It backfires as then I'm even more tired...

That's what I'm doing right now. With the tube of bbq Pringles I hid and a box set of Frasier.

Tootsiepops · 13/09/2016 22:01

My 9 month old has just gone to sleep. She cost us £10k in fertility treatment. I am exhausted, I miss being alone so, so much.

We only ever intended on having one, but my mum died in April meaning I now have no immediate family left (younger brother and dad died a few years ago) and the guilt of not giving my daughter a sibling was killing me. But the thought of being pregnant and doing the newborn stage and the drudgery of it all was making me near suicidal.

It's a form of servitude, right?

However, now having read this thread, I can admit I'm just not cut out for this motherhood shit and just stick with one Smile

ScrimshawTheSecond · 13/09/2016 22:01

Rozdeek - 6 months is right in the thick of it. It mostly does get easier, in that it's less physically constantly demanding. Honest. (It just can sometimes get difficult in different, unexpected ways.) They sleep more (if not brilliantly) and eat food and grow out of shitting fifty times a day. Sending a hug.

Oh, and strangers telling you to 'enjoy every minute'? I think they should rephrase it. I think they say that because they all hated it too, and wish it could have been different, and then feel bad, and miss their kids being wee, and feel they did it not as well as they coulda/shoulda/woulda but really and truly, I think for most people it's so bloody hard what they should say is: 'Isn't it a pity you can't enjoy it when they're little?'.

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 22:01

Oh god, roald Dahl dress up day may have embodied many things I hate about being a parent.
Ds wouldn't be Charlie (normal clothes, golden ticket) or Danny (normal clothes, toy pheasant) no no, he had to be the BFG. I managed to locate some ears and then cobble together a dream suitcase, a dream blower, some dreams in jars and a fishing net. He was thrilled so I suppose that's something. He did moan that his dream blower wasn't long enough though, which made me want to smack him over the head with the sodding thing.

OP posts:
Badders123 · 13/09/2016 22:02

I think there is a bit of a taboo about saying you don't enjoy it.
A lot of a taboo actually.

Woobeedoo · 13/09/2016 22:02

After about 12 years of un-diagnosed infertility, fertility tests, 7 rounds of Clomid, more fertility tests and then two rounds of IVF before getting lucky I thought I should enjoy motherhood - I mean, I clearly really wanted this, the amount of effort I put in right?

I love my child more than I ever thought possible and when I look at him, fill with so much love I could burst - but - god it's fucking hard work. The weekends when OH is working and it's just me and DS and I'm thinking "Shit, what do I ALL DAY with you?!". I envy mothers who happily take their child to soft play, messy play and toddler groups as those places just make me shudder. Maybe I should just say fuck it and go for it. I dunno. I see pictures of friends with their kids on Facebook and they look so smiley yet I spend a lot of my time feeling like I'm a pretty shit Mum, despite DH saying otherwise.

Rozdeek · 13/09/2016 22:03

People say stuff like oh DBaby was up screaming for 7 hours last night...but then he smiled and it was all worth it.

I do not feel that way about my baby. I love him but a smile does not help with sleep deprivation.

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 22:03

Stay classy mouse 👍🏻
Put the niles Valentine's Day ep on. That always cheers me up :)

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