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Original poster

I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 14/09/2016 15:22

Love this thread. Agree it should be in classics.

My dd will be my only, I thought I'd be earth mother type, I'm not, it's fine, I love her but bloody hell its exhausting. Dh had the snip when she was 5 months. (I do have a fab DSS who's now 18).
Flowers to all. Its bloody relentless and hard work.

Crystal15 · 14/09/2016 15:25

I think this is how most parents feel quite often. It would have been nice if somebody would have warned me though then it could have saved me a lot of guilt! It does change when they are both in school OP. It did for me, so much so Im having number 3 now. Yep I'm crazy!

Lorelei76 · 14/09/2016 15:27

CalmDownBeyonce - as this is such an honest thread and I too am an introvert, I'm wondering what made you want to have kids?

I realise the SAHM thing must be a mare but I always think in terms of how awful it would be to come home from work and have to deal with a child as well. I struggle with the official chit chat.

Rozdeek · 14/09/2016 15:28

lorelai

Your reasoning there is exactly why I don't want to go back to work. Seems like the worst of both worlds to me. At least when DS is at nursery I can have a bit of time alone!!!

Lorelei76 · 14/09/2016 15:30

that should have said "office" chit chat. but to be fair it is quite official too Grin

PeppaAteMySoul · 14/09/2016 15:46

Me and DP have devised a system which helps keep me sane. When I come home from work the 3 nights he is back before me I go straight upstairs for 30 minutes to just be myself. Then I can come down and do the dinner, bath, stories, bed routine much more happily.

When I was pregnant with DS I had no idea how hard the demands of motherhood was going to be. As much I would never wish him away sometimes I daydream about him having a pause button.

chocolateworshipper · 14/09/2016 16:11

When my first was a baby, I found the sleepless nights hard, and the constant supervision hard. I assumed that all would get easier as she grew up, and I decided that I could deal with it one more time rather than have an only child. Of course at that stage, I had absolutely no idea how unbelievably hard the teenage years would be (I was a very introverted child myself and absolutely no trouble to my parents).

Crunchymum · 14/09/2016 16:13

I feel like the op but I have no desire whatsoever to return to work

Work is a break for me Grin

Seriously though I found it did help me.

I am back 3 days per week.

I find after 4 days with the kids I look forward to work and after 3 days at work I look forward to being with kids.

I feel a lot more balanced but I realise I am lucky as not everyone has this option.

SlipperyJack · 14/09/2016 16:17

I had DC2 for similar reasons to maudlin - I was an only child, and was horribly lonely for much of my childhood. Dealing with my own mother's care by myself (she now has Alzheimer's) is very hard. DH and I are older parents, and we have no extended family. I appreciate that siblings don't always get on, but we felt that there was at least a fighting chance that two DC could play together when small, and help and support each other when older. So far it's working - my DC adore each other. Who knows what the future holds though.

CalmDownBeyonce · 14/09/2016 16:27

Lorelai - having a baby seemed like a great idea at the time! I just always had it in my head that I'd have a family because that's what people do and my DH and I felt something lacking from our lives. We had expected to have 2 kids but that's not happening now...

Like most people on here, I didn't know the realities of parenthood when I was outside looking in. I'm lucky that my MIL lives 5 mins down the road, she adores DS and is willing to babysit as much as we need her to and once a week when she's already looking after him whilst we work she keeps him at her house for dinner/bath/play and brings him back at bedtime ready for cuddles and bed. I live for those days!

I'm feeling guilty now as I do love my DS, he's adorable and funny but parenthood is just fucking hard, introvert or not!

SweetChickadee · 14/09/2016 16:34

I knew a long time ago this would be how I'd feel about it, so I didn't have any.

I've never understood the appeal Grin

Purplehonesty · 14/09/2016 16:46

We are on holiday with ours. Man it's hard work.

I too feel the same - I wish I loved being with them as much I as love them.

Cos obviously I'd give up everything for them but jeepers they are annoying/tiring/irritating....and repeat

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 14/09/2016 16:48

Why won't my 7 year old draw breath?!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 14/09/2016 16:59

So much depends on the amount of help and support you have.

I know a lady with one very well behaved child...the child's grandmother does every school run and also looks after the child every single day of the school holidays so that the mother can work...she is on hand to babysit at weekends too....that is a very different experience of motherhood than that of a single mother with no support, 3 kids, no money or chance to work.

nightandthelight · 14/09/2016 17:30

I'm very much hoping things improve as DS gets older. I find the baby stage very difficult but hopefully once he can talk and watch Disney films and sleep is better etc...

CousinCharlotte · 14/09/2016 17:37

Teens was the worst for me, dd was a fucking nightmare (got 2 more to go), but she's lovely now she's an adult. There is light at the end of the tunnel Smile

Buttwing · 14/09/2016 17:42

I have 4dc (11,5,3 and 2) and I totally understand what people are saying on here. Some days I can literally not string a sentence together by the end of the day. I'm a sahm and I can honestly say it's the hardest thing I've ever done there are days when I just want to walk away. Slowly things are getting easier but the hardest thing I've found is how selfless you need to be, I would love to get a bit of balance in my life but at the moment it's just not going to happen.

Lorelei76 · 14/09/2016 17:44

Ugh I typed a reply and it vanished
CalmDown thanks for the reply
I am a bit puzzled when people say they didn't think it would be like this but I'm a pessimist so only ever perceived children as relentless and I was glad to have an older sibling, a younger one would have made me lose my mind

Re siblings and elderly care, no guarantee they will help you there!

anotherschoolquestion · 14/09/2016 17:50

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say to Msqueen I'm sorry you're having such a shit time, and hope things get better xxx

milliemoon · 14/09/2016 17:52

Every so often there is a thread on here that makes me lose a day to mumsnet it's normally a woo thread but everything on here really resonates with me. I'm so incredibly lucky to have two after being told I may never have them, but fuck me, I am so utterly, utterly bored. I really struggle to fill the days, we can do the park, library, a charity shop and it's still only 10.30am. I love them unconditionally, so much so it hurts, but I don't want to play animals, I don't want to watch cbeebies, I just want one hour to just be me. But I feel incredibly guilty to have any time to myself on the weekend when dH is home so I very rarely do. I just want to pause them, have a good sleep and then unpause them and I'm sure I would be better at it. Unmumsnetty xxx to everyone

Msqueen33 · 14/09/2016 18:11

Anotherschoolquestion, thank you. I love them dearly but they're hard work.

Squeegle · 14/09/2016 18:15

It's much harder than I thought. Mine are 12 and 14. They cannot be in the same room without sniping,arguing, hitting. They are much worse now than ever before. It's very tiring. I thought I would be a better mother. Sad

DodgySpot · 14/09/2016 18:21

Oh I love you MN, you have no idea how much I needed to read this thread!

I feel like such an ungrateful cow.

We had to fight to have our two, it felt like a relentless struggle (seven miscarriages, one much later loss) and the only thing that kept me going was thinking about how wonderful it was all going to be when they were here.

And it is wonderful. It is also at times completely shit.

I feel like a monster when I silently scream 'FUCK OFF! GO TO FUCKING SLEEP AND LEAVE ME ALONE ITS MY TIME NOW!!!' in my head most nights.

I keep guilt tripping myself over how hurt they would be if they only knew what I was thinking sometimes.

Crunchymum · 14/09/2016 18:25

My kids aren't home.

Daddy has them this week and it's the second evening I've come home to an empty house. Yesterday I cleaned and hung out the window I know, I do actually miss them when they aren't around though

Today I bought some posh crisps, some dip from Waitrose and a mini bottle of red wine and am sitting on the balcony.

Parenthood feels fab at this moment Grin

A break from the routine always does me good.

NameChanger22 · 14/09/2016 18:48

If someone had told me before having a child that I’d gain over 4 stone in pregnancy and never be able to lose it I would never have had a child. Or if they’d told me I wouldn’t sleep for a whole year. Or if they’d told me I’d never have any money for myself again because most of what I earn goes on childcare and the rest on all the things my daughter needs. Of if they’d told me I’d become a single parent because dd’s father never helped with anything, and made me resent and hate him and hate men in general. Or if they’d told me I’d be housebound every evening for more than a decade with no freedom or social life, unable to go anywhere, even to the gym. Or if they’d told me I’d look the way I do now or feel the way I feel; then there is no way I would ever have become a parent.

But now dd is much older I feel like I’ve come out the other side a bit. I think for 10 years I’ve lived a real life, as opposed to a floaty, unnecessary life where nothing is really true as I was doing when I was younger. I now feel much wiser and stronger and in touch with reality, I’ve learned so much and I’m grateful for the experience.

And I have a lovely little person in my life who I couldn’t ever live without and I no longer feel like there is someone missing from my life.

I look at my ex who got off scot free in every way (because that’s what society has decided is fair) who is still wafting about the bars and clubs and behaving like a spoilt, stupid child. He has no direction or purpose and seems completely lost and living a lie. He's learnt nothing. I’m so, so glad I’m not him.

The hard work of motherhood pays off in the end, I think. It’s just a long, hard slog.

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