I hate having kids

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

I struggled with my first but didn't want to just have the one child and I feel we are a complete family unit now. I found my second a much nicer experience but now he's a toddler and I also have a 3yo it's harder than I could have imagined.

I'm in the toilet now and my three year old is trying to climb on me and is moaning. If I shut her out she'll scream and kick the door.

Yea. Very, very yes. I have been a mum since I was 18. Eldest is off to Uni this weekend, youngest has just started Reception. I know I need to go back to work or retrain but I have no fucking idea what to do. If I go back to work it will be to a job barely above minimum wage so how the fuckery am I going to afford childcare for 4 in the holidays? No Universities close enough for me to go and get the degree I would love to study for so I would have to do an OU course. And what course would I do? What is going to qualify me to either earn enough money to pay for childcare in holidays or allow me to have school holidays off? I used to love the idea of being a teacher...now, I'd rather gouge my own eyes out with a rusty spoon than spend 6 hours a day with a classroom full of children. Aside from all that, I can't actually imagine ever having the confidence to be back at work. I don't know how to do anything apart from "mumming" anymore. I know I should take control, make a decision about a career path, retrain, get the ball rolling. Lose weight. But I feel like it's such a huge decision to make - if I get it wrong it fucks the future up for all 6 of us. So I clean the house then eat another bar of chocolate while I pore over the OU prospectus I've been poring over for the last 6 months. Fuck, I wish I could have seen this coming 10 years ago, when I had one relatively easy child to look after and still had some semblance of a life and future...

DH is off work injured at the mo and has realised how boring maternity leave is as he has watched me go about my day. DS is 7mo and demands constant attention, I'm not sure how much longer I can sing nursery rhymes for

I too am intrigued as to why people have more than one if they feel this way? I always thought I would have 3 but DH is now on the vasectomy waiting list and I live in terror of accidental pregnancy.

I go back to work pt next month and I can't wait. I will be a person again!

Good question about having a second. I had a second because my siblings are incredibly important to me and I wanted to give my DD a sibling - I didn't particularly want a second child for myself. Poor DS - he's totally a means to an end

I'm going to say it again - this thread should be in classics even though it's not like all the other classics. Or at least in discussions of the day. It's incredibly important - this is the truth for so many women.

It's not the truth for all but it is the truth for many and it should be out there for those who need it.

i had a second because all the things I find really hard about small children get significantly easier every month older than 3 they are. So it was an investment in the future. DH and I remind ourselves that dc2 is nearly 2, and it's already getting a bit easier. One more year to go before we're really out the other side!

Who is anyone to ask why people opted to have more than one child?

Life happens...

I had a second because I know I will be very glad I have siblings when my parents start to fail. I can't predict the future and force my future adult dcs to support each other, but I hope they will.
That was the real reason (and I think it was influenced by partly hormonal, partly situational, dark and dread-filled moods - as I am sure you have all experienced - not every day is a happy go lucky day in this life) - but now they are old enough to play together, they do get on and actually I'm one of the lucky ones in that I think in some ways it is easier to have 2. I don't think one on her own would necessarily dash off into the adventure playground with such immediate enthusiasm, leaving me to drink tea in peace :)

I do appreciate the honesty on this thread and if I had read it 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 years ago, it would have been balm to my soul. But believe me when I say: things can change, things can get better, I am not being a pollyanna dipshit honestly, that is not my style

pass I bloody love all the hurray for gin cartoons.

Things parenting aren't improved by, part 99 - bike rides. I can't get 100m down the road before my 8 yr old has a screaming tantrum and throws her bike to the floor.

Our number two was an accident 😕

I quite liked having one. It fulfilled a childhood fantasy/my maternal instinct or whatever people like to call it.

But having a second has changed my outlook completely. Now life is a drudge. There is always someone looking for something/demanding my attention. I am never at peace.

morning no need to be snippy, I was asking the question in relation to my own pnd, not because I was trying to goad

I had a pregnancy scare the other week. Turned out to be unfounded, but had it been positive I would have 100% terminated.

Makes me feel awful.

Thank you all for being so refreshingly honest! I agree that this should be in classics!

I only have my DS (2.5) who is a remarkably easy child in the grand scheme of things yet I still struggle and accept that I'm just not cut out to be a great mother. I'm actually just like my own mother, who I always felt wasn't massively maternal and had a couple of kids only because it was what she was supposed to do. It's funny that after spending years resenting her for not wanting to spend hours on end reading with me, baking, painting and playing dolls, I now know exactly where she was coming from! Kids are tedious. And when you have kids you end up having friends with their own kids and other people's children are just The Worst.

I work full time and whenever I'm questioned about why I don't want to go part time 'at least' (as if SAHM is the dream to aspire to) I just pretend that we couldn't possibly afford it. We could, we'd manage if I only worked 3 days a week but I don't want to because it would mean even more time doing the shitty mundane Mum Jobs that I hate.

It doesn't help that I'm an introvert and actually don't like being with people and talking a lot. It was OK before DS was born as my DH works evenings so I used to have all evening after work to relax and recharge, now I have to go straight from work to a tired, hungry toddler who refuses to eat anything that doesn't have Captain Birdseye on the box. Luckily I can sometimes trick him into going to bed at 7 (if the dinner fight doesn't carry on too long!) so I get a little 'me' time (mainly tidying up...), but the nights he doesn't go down until 9 are soul destroying.

I'm dreading his school years. I'm already an outcast at nursery as I don't keep on top of his development book thing and do suggested activities with him at home. So he can't draw a circle, so what? WTF am I supposed to do about that? He's 2, if he doesn't want to draw a circle I couldn't give a shit, as long as he't not practising his stupid fucking drawing on my walls or sofa I'm happy.

DS will be an only child. I love him and he's awesome and funny and all that jazz, but I'd be devastated to have to do it all over again with another child. DH are already counting down the years until we get our freedom back!

I'm pregnant again because the good times are worth all of the bad and because I wanted my DS to have a sibling. I'm very lucky to have 3 siblings who have enriched my life and I wanted that for my child. My DP is also a fantastic father who would have liked a big family. We will absolutely stop at 2 though. I think that's my limit.

Adore. Not order!!

Order? Is that a Freudian slip? Are you the eldest

Haha I am actually but I meant adore

As an introvert myself Beyonce that's v interesting - one of my reasons for not having dc so far is because I find company tiring. Is it better for an introverted mother to have an introverted child/more difficult to have an extrovert?

Oh yes to the bike rides meglet...
I've given up on taking them together now-it's always an awful experience as dd1 invariably kicks off, gets off her bike and walks waaay behind so what should be a twenty minute cycle turns into three hours of tears and recrimination.
It makes me rage! Because it should be so easy, and so nice to ride as a family down that canal tow path, perhaps to get a coffee and a cake at the other end.But no, a quarter of the way there all hell breaks loose. I just want to ride my bike. At speed. As far away as possible....
See also ten pin bowling.we can't do this anymore as dd2 cannot bear to lose.at anything.but particularly ten pin bowling.Last time a 'discussion' about how you can't always win at everything morphed into a rant from her about how she is rubbish at everything, (she isn't)dd1 is amazing at everything and has to rub it in, (she isn't and doesn't )why is life so unfair etc etc.I just thought we had gone for a fun bowling trip. Another 20 quid and two hours down the drain.

I'm introverted Lemond and that I think is my biggest struggle with parenting. DS is the complete opposite of me- he's very outgoing, sociable and stops to chat with everyone. I hate it. I hate his constant need for attention and mindless chatter. I know he's only 3 so maybe it will change and get easier as he grows but sometimes I want to lock myself in a room and just have silence. I look forward to the nights DP is working and DS is in bed so I can have quiet "me" time doing nothing. I look forward to those evenings as much as some would look forward to an exotic holiday abroad I'm sure!

Maudlin
I have 2 siblings
They do nothing to help me or my
Mother
Not all siblings end up close sadly

I honestly can't decide what's better Lemond1fficult. As a child I was painfully shy and only wanted to be with my Mum (my poor mother, she must have found me so tiresome!) and my DH says he was the same. DS is a lot more outgoing than we were and is happy to speak to people and play with other children, which is great as I'm glad he seems to have skipped that terrible shy/introvert gene BUT, it also draws attention to us/me when he speaks to people meaning that I have to have awkward conversations with strangers, which I hate.

I also find myself totally talked out by evening and struggle keeping any kind of conversation going with DS so we just end up looking at each other for a while. He has been a fairly late speaker and I do wonder how much of that is my fault because he is used to living in a pretty quiet house? I know it's irrational really to think that as I only have a couple of hours a night with him compared to a healthy mix of 1.5 days in nursery, mornings with his Dad and afternoons with his Grandmothers, but still... I wouldn't be surprised if the late speaking thing is down to my love of peace and quiet!

DS1 (4yo, SEN) is home and he wants something from my bookshelf. Lots of gesturing and pointing. I can't figure out what. Lots of banging doors and throwing things and screaming because I can't figure it out. Ad infinitum till about 6.30 tonight. How I wish he could verbalise so I can give him what he wants or reason with him. When he's not frustrated he's wonderful, calm, affectionate and smiley.

peppa I'm an introvert too. I need time just to be and have no one talking to me. DS2 (2yo) is one of those tireless extroverts who needs to be out, getting attention and chatting away. Constantly 'on' all the bloody time.

Thanks for all the explanations :) I didn't mean my question as a judgement just genuine curiosity.

I think a lot depends on the quality of the sibling relationship. DH fought tooth and nail with his sister until 2 weeks before going to uni when they called a cease fire. I have no idea how MIL survived.

My Grandma has dementia. Dad and aunt argued for years as to what to do. No support there. I'm quite relieved I won't have to argue with anyone when it comes to my parents in old age :)

I definitely won't be having more. I love DS more than life but I spend too much time day dreaming about my 40s when he will leave home. Don't want to delay it