Top tips thread aka the really useless tips thread

[Mycatsabastard]

Ensure your cake remains moist by eating the whole thing in one sitting

Add your own

I cannot believe this stuff gets published. I think the daffodil hat is great but do they have an editor's meeting on a Friday night in the pub and just make this stuff up or do people really write in with these suggestions?

Protect your tables with these uneven bottle top placemats

Need a toothpick but don't want to waste your money? Save the stalks that your grapes come on and whittle an end. A hobby and a useful tool. Put them in the dishwasher and you can reuse them!

Mycat I dare you to sift through your replies, the original ones, choose one and send it into one of these magazines and see if it gets published.
As I am being slated on another thread as the 'termiteterminator', I will risk the wrath with this one,
Want to save money and lose weight? - stop eating

Want to get rid of an ants' nest? Chuck a kettle of water on it.

When nailing your scrotum to the kitchen table for the purposes of sexual gratification , make sure you leave the pliers within arms reach and not locked in the shed at the bottom of the garden ( care of Viz)

(From personal experience) Don't apply Immac to your moustache area and then take an hour long call from your talkative friend. You will end up with third degree burns on your upper lip.

paps that is brilliant .

Genius.

Designer toothbrush holder.

DearMr would you stick to the floor with those slippers? Or may be they have loops to hang them up at bedtime.

I like to think they just have a very good grip, no slipping over on slippery floors with those on!

The slippers would be useful in the event of a drinks spillage. No need to bend and mop the floor, just take advantage of your triple absorbency footwear and stand in the puddle.

Glue used abrasive/sand/glass/garnet/aluminium oxide paper to ice lolly sticks to make emery boards.

I started this thread out of sheer boredom. I am sat here laughing away now.

Those funky table mats made with used (probably still smelling of milk) bottle tops will definitely end up on an FB selling page although probably adorned with half a ton of fucking glitter.

Triple absorbency footwear Hahahaha

And the potato in your handbag one is pretty useful really. When you get home drunk and need food, you can just wipe the potato with a damp cloth and then microwave it for an instant supper.

Don't pay ££ to a chimney sweep, ask a local teenager to discharge their airgun up your chimney.

[not a euphemism]

Threads like this remind me why I love mumsnet.

Don't have teenagers? To recreate the experience, give all your money to someone who hates you.

Get rich quick by leaving a set of dentures under your pillow at night for the Tooth Fairy.

When it's time to leave and you can't find your keys anywhere, take off your trousers to avoid your looking in your pockets repeatedly as if your keys will magically appear after you've reached in them 20 times!

I'm ashamed to say I think the matches in the birthday cake is quite a good idea

Got an apparently insoluble problem? Try sex lube and a fish slice!

ILostIt surely the sanitary towel slippers would only work on blue liquid spills? That's all they absorb on the tv ads ...