Things that stay with you.

[penfriends]

What random things have struck a chord with you?

Mine is a Postsecret card that said:

"Everyone who knew me before 9/11 think I'm dead"

I read it years ago but I think about that person. Family, parents, siblings.

Just one sentence but it's stayed with me fore years.

When I was in my 20s and had no intention of having a family, I went to a business dinner with a Japanese husband and wife team and their interpreter. It was a long boozy dinner and at the end the Japanese wife CEO said she was clairvoyant. she asked through the interpreter if my boss and I wanted her to say what she saw in us. She said to me "you will have great difficulties combining career and your family." I thought this was just silly as I didn't want children and my career was no great shakes. Now I care passionately about my darling dcs and my career is interesting and promising and very demanding. The difficulties she foresaw have been the end of my relationship with XP.

.... this stayed with me, but on the other hand I think she could probably have said that to any bright young woman in her 20s and had a good chance of being right - I just didn't see myself as deserving of either career or family then, but she knew that one day I would

When I was 4 I went to a play school where there was another girl who was 3 and our mothers got friendly. This girl turned out to have special needs and our lives went in very different directions. My mum seemed to feel guilty that she had the grammar school girl and this lady didn't. But I just thought that this lady was a user, always asking my mum to help out with things, and even now still does even when my mum had just come out of hospital! We've fallen out over them many times over the years. Anyway we had a particularly bad falling out over them when I was 13.

But she said "I love you because you're my daughter but I don't like you very much".

I don't remember exactly why I was being such a selfish cow in my mum's eyes, but I've always remembered that comment.

Had to invite the family to my wedding too!

Feel like I should add a positive...

DS was about 2 days old and in NICU. The day before he'd been cared for by a horrible nurse who wouldn't let me touch him/pick him up/change his nappy. I went in expecting the same thing and this wonderful nurse just smiled at me and encouraged me to do everything for DS. I was 18 and scared enough at having a baby without him being poorly on top of that. She gave me a huge hug and said 'don't you worry, you're a natural mom and you'll both be just fine'. Id not told her how I was feeling, she just knew. Her words stayed with me and got me through 18 months of PND and struggling to bond. I would love to be able to tell her how much it meant to me.

Me and my husband went out to a christmas dinner/social evening with his running club. I am disabled and use a wheelchair most of the time.
As we were getting out of the car to go in to the restaurant he turned to me and said 'do you have to use your wheelchair tonight? It's just that there are loads of people here and I don't want to be known as S with the disabled wife!'
That stuck with me and was the main reason that I decided to split up with him. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

When I was about 17 ish I went to a hairdresser who was a friend of someone I worked with. We were chatting about this mutual friend and the hairdresser said - she's so funny, and she does a brilliant impression of you! Then she sort of mumbled something and walked off, when she came back she seemed a bit embarrassed. That comment stayed with me for years, and even now (at 45) I wonder what on earth it was that I did that caused someone to do an impersonation of me. It obviously wasn't very nice :(

On a happier note my boyfriend that I have been with for a few weeks said I am the loveliest, kindest person he has met and I am so positive and happy. He said that he knew that I'd been through a life changing event and that made him like me even more because of how I dealt with it.
That was the first time anyone has ever acknowledged what I had been through and what I'd given up.

This thread is amazing and heartbreaking all at once.

The capacity for humans to inflict misery on others never fails to amaze me.

To everyone who had to deal with anyone who said something shitty to them.
It makes me so angry.

The phrase 'incompatible with life' on the medical notes about my newborn dd. The words still make me want to lie face down on the floor and just blank life out.

We were just starting some fertility investigation tests. DH had given a sperm sample and I had to go in for a test by myself. The receptionist handed me a file and told me to give it to the doctor. Of course I opened it and had a look.
No sperm found.....
Then I had to go home and tell DH. And that was only the beginning of the nightmare.

A couple of years later we had had a very difficult year, stressful jobs, failed IVF, exams. We had a holiday booked and I was telling a couple of women at church about our holiday and how much we needed a holiday after the stressful year we'd had. One of the women sneered and said "What would you have to be stressed about ". She had 6 children so I've no doubt she had a stressful life herself but still.

Hereshecomes I saw SOAD at Reading '02 or '03. Wasn't a fan before but they were phenomenal live.

What I find sad is that I can't remember what DH said to me when he proposed but I remember my aunt asking 'when's it due?' When I was 8 or 9 wearing a slightly clingy summer dress.

to everyone.

A happy one, my son (now 41) was about 3 and it was in the days when Beauty Shows were on television. Miss Great Britain had just been crowned and my little lad said, 'mummy why don't you go in the beauty contest?' He then looked at the television and said ' well you might not win, but you would come second'! I have never forgotten that, he loved me so much he thought I was beautiful, even if I wouldn't win!!

Shortly after the birth of our child, husband telling friends I was "a complete embarrassment" whilst giving birth (without any pain relief...) because I was a bit noisy and sweary.

Broke my heart. Will never forget it

"I do love you"

Then two weeks later

"It's over"

Then three weeks later

"I regret breaking up"

Then

"I care for you"
"I worry about you"
"I miss you"

Finally

"I don't want to be with anyone"

I give you all the most devastating break up I have ever been through.

A young man begging in Edinburgh many many years ago when I was Christmas shopping. It was freezing cold and he was visibly shivering. I was going for a hot drink and cake with mum, but his face haunted me and I bought a hot chocolate and cake and went back to where he was. He took them from me and said in a very well spoken voice" Thank you and may God bless you ma'am". Stupidly,and I cringe to this day, I blurted out "Happy Christmas". His eyes filled up and he took my hand and said " and you"
I've never forgotten him.

'Hereshecomes I saw SOAD at Reading '02 or '03. Wasn't a fan before but they were phenomenal live.'

It could have been the same gig!

I was just returning to work part-time after my maternity leave and pretty overwhelmed. Basically exactly the same role and workload as full time just much less time to do it, and a baby who just wouldn't sleep. A very senior colleague said: I want you to remember one thing. No-one on their deathbed ever said 'I wish I'd worked harder'. Spend time enjoying your family and don't dare feel guilty about it either.

Not always easy, but I'm trying and have remembered the sentence many times when stress has got to me.

"There's a little boy I want to talk to you about" my adoption social worker calling me at work about the little monkey currently asleep upstairs.

"Do you eat pies for dinner every night", my twat of an auntie after looking me up and down.

When my first child was a few weeks old, and I had been bottle feeding him since he was a week old, my NCT group had a big reunion, with the leaders. I'd volunteered to host it, before the babies were born. I was wracked with guilt for not breast feeding DS. The course leader hugged me and said "There are many ways to nurture a child, breastfeeding is just one of them". It was like permission to bottle feed happily.

"We've got a match".

A colleague, a couple of years ago. Only me and his line manager knew he and his wife were going through adoption. I gave him a huge hug in the middle of the office (raising a few eyebrows) and burst into tears. His daughter is the same age as mine and we have become friends through this.

My 2nd year junior r teacher after a spat with my best friend / worst enemy: "fusion, don't ever let anyone tell you you are stupid"

My father whom I was previously very close to got together with an absolute bitch of a woman a few weeks after my mother died. After this woman caused no end of trouble between my father and I, I told him I wanted nothing to do with her.

If you won't have anything to do with her then I won't have anything to do with you he said. And he hasn't, a year on he's not spoken to me or his only two grandchildren since.

My mum, laughing hysterically when I tried a dress on. I've never worn one since.

My dad - "why don't you visit your granny more often? But then you'll never understand how it feels for her, you'll never be a granny" (8 years of trying and 14 treatments later, I have my beautiful little girl).

They have said many things to me, still do. I try not to remember them, but some stay with me. I've never been confident, have such low self esteem. I feel useless and worthless regularly.

I was at a friends house last week, she has just moved to a new house with her bf, and was decorating. Her mum showed up with sandwiches for them, and a bowl of ice-cream each because it was warm. I was so moved by it. My h has just recently left me, I've never been so poor or alone in my life, my mums solution was "borrow money" (she who is chauffeured around in a 30k car). I could've cried at the bowl of ice-cream.

A colleague telling me that family was more important than work and that I should put them first. That I wouldn't look back later in life wishing I'd spent more time at work.

I was on maternity leave from my teaching job and had only popped in to enjoy Christmas dinner with the staff. I had other friends who had requested part time, but it had never crossed my mind.

I must have been poor company through the meal as all that was going through my head was the logistics of how part time would work and what I would say if I was going to talk to my head about it.

Before I left I asked to chat to her and officially put forward my request, then went home to tell DH with fingers crossed that he didn't mind too much!

(He didn't apart from being a little jealous as he's later asked for flexible working and been denied. I've been part time for 15 years now nearly and it was the best thing I've ever done.)

Volunteering at an Age Concern day centre, newly opened, whilst doing postgraduate study in my early twenties.

I helped with whatever was needed-preparing lunch, running the tea dance, working at the foot care clinic and instructing tai chi (no, I still don't know what it is..).

One week I carried out a survey for the director amongst our service users as to what we could do better, what they liked etc and I had numerous responses saying basically that when they came to the day centre on a Wednesday, this was the only day they spoke to anyone all week and begging us not to close.

The comments have stayed with me, moulded my thought processes in many ways and now I've been fortunate to be able to have my own philanthropic aims, have shaped my approach to my own charity. I'll never forget.

I remember that 9/11 postcard and think about it from time to time.

One of my best friends once said something that's stayed with me "I always admire how you make your mind up and just go for things, I wish I was like that." It was when I'd decided I needed a change and was going to move to London. She's right, I do always throw myself in at the deep end, and I've realised it's something I like about myself too. I'm going to be taking a massive, scary risk work wise at the end of the year, and I keep reminding myself of this.

The births of my dcs will stay with me for ever. they were amazing and they haunt me (in a good way).

I also remember how kind the old ladies were when I was on mat leave with a newborn. I looked like shit, my babies both had really bad skin when they were newborn, all our baby stuff was second hand and grotty. I dragged myself about and these lovely, kind strangers treated me like a film star. They really propped me up and I will never, ever forget it. I will know what to do when I am old and I see an exhausted looking woman with a tiny spotty baby.

'you're nothing but a cunt, a useless, worthless cunt.' my 'father', not the worst of his crimes but one of the ones that has stuck with me the most

my sister screaming at me 'at least i still have MY daughter' after my dd had died and i was struggling to cope with her twin brother

my friends dropping me like a i was a hot stone after i became more visibly disabled, needing crutches to walk and me overhearing that they think i'm an embarrassment and that they are ashamed to be seen with me

BUT my beautiful ds tells me he loves me even though i'm not cool and he tells me i'm the most beautiful mum in the world and even though he's 12 now, he still climbs on my lap for cuddles

and dp, wonderful, magical dp who still tells mei'm beautiful, who tends my sores, who helps me shower and dress and still finds me sexy. I never imagined i'd meet someone who who would be so kind, so loving and wo would do his best to try and make me believe that i am worth it, that i am loveable and that i am special

I had a very difficult relationship with my parents so left home to go to uni, it was that or I would have died, I was 18. I came home from uni for my first Christmas break. My 17 year old sister out of the blue told me she loved me, we weren't (still not) an outwardly emotional family so it took me by surprise, that following March she was killed in a car accident..