Things that stay with you.

[penfriends]

What random things have struck a chord with you?

Mine is a Postsecret card that said:

"Everyone who knew me before 9/11 think I'm dead"

I read it years ago but I think about that person. Family, parents, siblings.

Just one sentence but it's stayed with me fore years.

The policeman stood outside my sons flat told me that I 'didn't need to see him like that'

Those 7 words tore my world apart and broke my heart.

I will never be able to forget the look on his face when I asked if my son was dead.

Good:
Dolly Parton singing 'Little Sparrow' a capella to a silent Wembley Arena. Genuine shivers up and down spine. Tears. The works.

Slightly cool, distant pre-teen nephew flinging his arms round me out of the blue and yelling 'Bye bye Sapphire!' as I was leaving.

Many occasions of laughing till I cry and nearly piss self round the dinner table or in a pub with my DP and friends.

The end of Mustang in the cinema, when people broke into spontaneous applause and cheers.

Not so good:
Mother shoving me in the back and telling me I was just like my dad (like that was an insult) when I was about 13.

Same person telling me I had ideas above my station and who did I think I was for wanting to do A levels and go to uni.

Being told I looked like Rowan Atkinson (I'm female).

Elsa,

Steppenwolfe, ''I don't know ... no one has ever loved me' is utterly heartbreaking. Let's hope and imagine he has now been loved by someone.

Some of these are heart breaking. But can I add a nice one?

I was having a small melt down about DD turning 1, I phoned my mum and started crying on the phone to her, she said 'You give them wings so they can fly' totally not something my mum would normally say. That will stay with me forever.

A few weeks before my dad died we were having a chat and cry together and he told me he loved me and his memory will be forever. I actually secretly recorded our chats so I can play it back whenever I feel like it which is so comforting.

A teacher at school tapped me on the shoulder in assembly and loudly said "I could see right up your skirt when I was walking below you on the stairs and it was disgusting" Everyone heard! I was a shy girl with knee length skirt and I was mortified. She said it with such venom too!

Sitting on a bench in the fernery in the botanical gardens with my darling daughter in October, 2011. She was wearing a cobalt blue jogging top and jeans. We sat by the grotto. She looked at me with her big green eyes and smiled, and took my hand. 'I love you, Mummy.' She said. She died 8 months later.

expat

I have no words for those of you with the sadness you have written of....... but for you all.x.

Being told by someone who's life's work has both inspired and given me a voice, that my work is 'spellbinding'. It both humbled me and filled me with joy.

It's very humbling to see how much cruel words (and the devastation they cause) are remembered. Sometimes I wonder if I'm too taken up with other people's feelings, sometimes to detriment of myself and was thinking of trying to 'toughen up a bit' but actually, if that is the case, then reading some of these posts makes me glad that I'm that way. Even if I do end up inconveniencing myself quite considerably on occasions! One of my friends told me recently that I was the nicest person she knew; that felt really good.

My poor DF told me, when I was worrying about juggling child care, without any malice, whatsoever that perhaps I should get 'a nice little job in a post office'. It was a weak moment - they were always extremely proud of my university career....It was only 24 years ago but my DM and I still mention it from time to time with a wry smile.

The summer my dad killed himself, I went to a festival. I was only seventeen. I went to see System of a Down play. They played the song Chop Suey, which I had never heard before. It starts off very angry and loud. I am quite small and I was wearing very large silly jeans, which was the fashion at the time. The crowd was moshing so hard that I was knocked to the floor. A tall boy about my age strode over and hauled me to my feet and then stood guard over me for the rest of the song. The song moves from a heavy rock song into being very melodic and emotional with the lyrics

Trust in my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die

Everyone had stopped moshing by then and was looking in wonder at the band playing this suddenly very beautiful and moving song. The sun was beating down hotly onto us all. It was such a dry and dusty day. I looked at the boy who had rescued me, whose name I didn't know and I would never meet again, and with our eyes we agreed that this moment was absolutely amazing.

Oh, I have no words for some of you. Just

Mine is not as sad, but has stuck with me for thex20 years since it happened: teacher saying "you'd never survive on a desert island!" I have low self esteem; bullying and being told I was ugly didn't even compare to how much that comment affected me!

One from my aunt when I was a sociable and friendly child - You came into this word alone and you will leave it alone.

I stopped trying to make friends after she said that.

I was about 7 or 8, and I'd had a lovely day at a sports event. I'd been happy, laughing, and was feeling really proud of how well I'd done in my particular event.
My parents had come to watch, cheer on, and then take home.
As we were driving away, I asked my father what he thought. I was glowing.
He didn't take his eyes off the road, and replied that I talked too much, no-one wanted to hear what I had to say and if I couldn't think of anything intelligent, then I should keep quiet.
I don't think I've ever really glowed again.

HereSheComes, I know the song, it's beautiful!

Was talking to my dad about my ongoing liver problems and my sister says "there's nothing wrong with her, except mentally". Funny how I was fine to look after her baby so she could work?

Also when pregnant after a miscarriage and unable to look after said baby as I was advised to rest she started crying "what about me? What am I going to do about work and baby?"

Oh at 3am off his face drunk "don't look at the pictures on my phone" then passes out, I obviously look, he comes too 5-10 mins later sees me with his phone and says "just because she's prettier than you..." And passes out again.

I was speaking to a tutor at uni to ask for an extension on an essay as my mum had just passed away from multiple cancers, including lung cancer.

He asked me "Was it self inflicted?"

I have never forgotten that. And to this day (13 years later) wish I had slapped him, or at least complained, but I was too stunned to do or say anything!

Some of these are so sad

There was a man at party my best friend threw one Christmas. He took a shine to my DH and chatted to him for most of the evening. I came down from putting our toddler to bed and went to join the conversation; the man looked up and said something along the lines of "Your husband is a wonderful father, I hope you know how lucky you are". I agreed enthusiastically but was floored when he followed up by saying, perfectly seriously, that I should "keep working at it." He repeated it several times to make sure I had got the message.

I suffer from depression and was at the time putting on a front to make it through the party. One of my biggest fears is that it makes me a bad mother, so his words struck me right to the core. My best friend occasionally mentions how lovely this guy is and I've always bitten my tongue, even though his words will always haunt me.

The only thing I can think is that he was quite elderly and maybe suffering from some kind of dementia, but even so :(

Tatiana11235 isn't it?

I still love SOAD to this day. I like to drive in my car and belt it out. Their songs are very fun to sing along to!

My mum and dad telling me "if you were as thin and beautiful as your best friend X, then of course we'd buy you nice new clothes.." After I'd mentioned how excited my friend X was to have a new dress.

My mother finding my watch on the pavement outside (strap had broken and I hadn't noticed) when I was 11 and throwing it at me, calling me "an ungrateful slug". My brother overheard and I remember burning with shame at the humiliation of that name. I still get hot red cheeks now thinking on that.

Getting 98% in my first ever secondary school exam and my dad asking seriously and without any joy "what happened to the other 2%?"

Dark one: My 'best friend' saying to me 'that's your problem' when I miscarried aged 16 (didn't know I was pregnant). Contents was on the loo seat. Was properly upsetting.

Looking back she had her own issues, but still.

Lighthearted one: Pushing DS in his pushchair aged around two/two and a half/three. He was happily munching a carrot. A bloke started pointing at us and nudging his family shouting, 'Look! That kid's eating a carrot!' like he couldn't believe it. Thought the bloke was going to give himself a heart attack laughing.

And no, I don't live anywhere where carrots are particularly uncommon.

A now ex boyfriend of mine telling a friend that a girl who'd made it to the finals for miss UK had asked him out.
Friend: why did you turn down finalist miss UK for last place miss Birmingham?

My parents telling me a teacher had said 'I don't know what you will do with blame, she wont get anywhere' why they felt the need to tell me is beyond me.

HereSheComes, yes absolutely. Class tunes!

My father was a drunk who liked to keep us in our place. Everyone thought he was a great guy but the things he said to us left all three of us without a shred of self confidence.

First job, boss was pointing out how unreliable a coworker was but he kept her on "because we have to have someone attractive working here". I was 18 and that line has stayed with me my whole life.

1999 had 4/5 months that were extremely stressful. My best friend was diagnosed with cancer, my mum had a stroke, my mum died, we moved house, best friends cancer turned terminal, oldest child was born, best friend died, husband was due to leave the services and the job we thought he'd got fell through. One day I started to cry, and my husband turned round and snarled "why the hell are you crying now?" I was so taken aback, this is a man who'd rather cut out his tongue than say something nasty. I'll never forget how completely small and alone I felt that day.