Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

I'm just amazed people still use cheques!

Is it possible to cancel them? I forget.

All you have done is tell the truth.

The bride will have been talking, if she's sent a message like that to you. She's obviously whipped up into a frenzy. Why should you not talk about it?

This is an ex-colleague, isn't it? Do your other colleagues know? I know mine would! (I'd tell them!)

at Puzzled's update. Your friend has done fine work.

When my parents got married (1964) it was customary for the groom to throw small coins at the waiting children outside church - small village in Germany, the whole town would turn out to gawp give the new couple their best wishes. This used to happen where my dad grew up (small village in Scotland) & he recounts tales of the children finding coins for days afterwards in the long grass around churchyard walls. What a quaint tradition.

This used to happen in Scotland where I grew up too, but it was when the bride left home with her dad to go to the church, the Dad would throw money out for the waiting kids. Just coppers and the occasional 5p. I remember when my next door neighbour married, my sister and I gathered enough at the scramble for an ice lolly at the shops.

Still waiting with baited breath to see how the bride in this case justifies her outrageous cheek to the OP.

🔫🔫🔫

Big "oh well" to Grabby bride.

You've told the truth.

Do you mean your gossipy friend has been blabbing as we all hoped, and now it will get back to Grabby McGrabberson?

Oh no!
Excellent

The coin throwing is traditional in Ireland as well. Called a Grushie.

Listen to the messages and update us! What kind of OP are you, . Maybe they are recommending you cancel the cheque.

Oh OP I do so wish you could attach sound memos to MN!!

I'm dead when bride finds out arent I?

Do you actually care? :)

If the bride does indeed kill you , at least you'll have enough money in your account to pay for your own funeral -thank god you ONLY gave her £100

If I were the bride, I'd feel thoroughly ashamed that my brass balls had been rumbled. If she takes umbrage then the only sensible response to that is "really?"

am pissed so I dont care am going to bed, if shes mad she can be mad and i dont have to see her again ever

I am wined so just one point my muzzy head doesn't get. Who put the OP kn instagrab

When the bride finds out that loads of randoms acquaintances know abut her massive brass neck, she should feel deep deep shame but I suspect somehow she will not.

GOOD work, indiscreet friend!! Most efficient!

I'm dead when the bride finds out aren't I.
Who is she exactly. Al Capone

I wouldn't even call the friend indiscreet. She was merely doing her duty, well done friend who made sure the world knows.

The fact that greedy bride emailed instead of calling works well for you, too. If she starts spinning a story you can show people exactly what she wrote.

Hard to believe someone would do this sort of thing. People never fail to shock me. Really hope she gets her come-uppance OP. Have another

In Sense and Sensibility, the film version with the lovely Alan Rickman, he throws coins to the waiting village children when him and Marianne get married.

Crikey. Is it just me who is wondering if I've been considered horrendously rude at weddings before now? I didn't even spend £100 on each of my sisters' wedding presents!!! (We are not well off at all, but not desperately struggling.)

For friends, I normally get something reasonably token from the gift list - between £25 and £45, depending on how low-key the wedding is. Or a decent bottle of champagne, especially if it's just an evening do. None of my friends have had really big weddings - most often it's a registry office wedding with some drinks and canapés afterwards, for example; or just an evening dance; or they often specifically ask for no presents, in which case I take some champagne and a card.

I always thought that weddings were about the bride and groom hosting a party that they wanted to have, for all their family and friends; and that a gift is normally something nice but a gesture rather than a sub! But, as I say, most of the weddings in my circle are quite low-key, and the couple are normally in their 30s and have already set up home a long time before.

Shocked at this thread; am I a massive cheapskate? :( Do people think I'm taking the piss after a wedding? :( I would only expect gifts of £100 from very close family! It is unbelievably generous to give a former colleague that amount, no matter how much the dinner cost!

You're worried about the bride being pissed off, when she and her husband sent you an email telling you that your £100 wedding present wasn't enough and asking for an 'adjustment', given your circumstances????

If someone had sent me that email, I'd have rented the billboards in Leicester Square to show screenshots.

I had some more inspiration: don't all gasp at once!

Shall I compare thee to a miser's mind?
Thou art more greedy, and more impudent
Good friends do send thee gifts, but thou shalt find
That far from thee they flee, t' escape the rent
That thou demandest of them for the time
They spend with thee. If barrister thou wert,
Or hedge fund manager, with advice prime
Or private surgeon, there to heal thy hurt
Thou couldest charge with all impunity
But grabby bride thou art, all 'me, me, me!'
Thou failest to thank thy friends who give to thee
So watch them as they flee precipitately.

Just got back, the friend I told about it at lunch called and we went out for a lot to drink now instead of being pissed like in angry Im really pissed instead

Yesssss excellent work. Pissed instead of pissed off is always the correct answer.

Who cares if grabby bride hates you now? With 800+ MN posts backing you I feel you can probably sleep soundly at night and not just because you're pissed