Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

I would reply and say "How much did you have in mind?" then engage in a few rounds of back and forth negotiation without ever saying "ok" (just things like "are you sure that's the right figure?" "How about another zero or two?"). See how high you can get them to. Picture the B&G rubbing their thighs while checking their email in anticipation of a windfall.

Reel them in, get them to show their true grabby colours and what outrageous "contribution" they think they can get away with fleecing you for, then screenshot the whole thing, attach it to a reply and say "Suggest you take a long, hard look at yourself and your behaviour here. You are rude, greedy and demented. No. Goodbye."

And then circulate it widely so the daily mail can steal and publish it.

I loved your restrained reply, some people have more front than Blackpool.

you could have asked "are you on glue"

it sounds like the two of them went to the same charm school

My guess would be that grabby won't reply and will still saunter around as if butter wouldn't melt and that she was in the right. Unfortunately for her, OP will be seeing mutual friends this weekend and it will get out.

Blatant placemarking 😄

On the Irish thing - it is the done thing to give cash gifts, in my circle it's €200 from a couple. However, there is absolutely an understanding that that's a lot of money and not in everyone's reach, especially if the wedding involved travel etc.

And, most importantly, no one would be as harshly judged as the bride or groom complaining a guest had been stingy. I've never seen it in person, and the odd time I read it on an Irish wedding forum, they received a flaming that makes MN look mild. Saying anything other than a warm "thank you" for a wedding (or any) gift is just Not On.

Cannot wait to see if OP gets a response to her email...

I am totally non-confrontational but you HAVE to find a way of going public with this. It is unbelievably rude of them.

Oh, and £100 is an unbelievably generous gift!

I'm Irish. Had an Irish wedding. Didn't get cash gifts...

just to clarify - I mean unbelievable that people can be so rude, not that I don't believe the OP.

Please. Please, put this on FB....it will go viral!

Def email her the link to this thread. Cheeky bloody feckers.

How hurtful they both sound nasty pieces of work. Makes you wonder if the inheritance the only reason they invited you .
Tell them to send it back so you can readjust then ignore them and give them nothing .

I'd love to know what figure they had in mind!
Totally bonkers. And rude.

OP, I utterly admire your forbearance!

She will probably see the thread in the Daily Mail.

Probably. Any volunteers to check?

I've just sent a link to this thread to a friend who has just replied to say do I not remember a mutual friend of ours who on the night after her wedding sent her a text saying 'hope you had a good night. Couldn't help but notice that you haven't bought anything from the gift list. It isn't too late - it stays open for a few more days'
I had managed to blank that out of my mind, thankfully

What vulgar people!

I feel for you OP, you've been extremely generous with your gift and they've behaved appallingly in return.

Love the ideas of sending a handdrawn cheque, Monopoly money etc.

I'd be tempted to write and send another cheque for £1,000 but cancel the cheque straight away so they can never cash it

Sorry I've not updated for a while, but I'm afraid there's nothing new - as mentioned she's read my brief reply but sent nothing further, which makes me wonder if she's simply given up

I'm in two minds on whether to spread this around at tomorrow's "do" or not. Part of me obviously wants to, but isn't that granting her other peoples' headspace which she really doesn't deserve, especially if they've not been affected? Certainly I'll be putting out a few more feelers though, and will report back on anyone else who's had "the demand"

And no, I certainly won't be sending any more, even as a joke; I wish I'd given a tatty fiver, then she really might have had something to moan about ...

I would email back simply "oh do fuck off dear".

I have never seen anything so entitled. What a cheeky fucker!

I suspect that your invite was on the basis of the recent inheritance you mentioned and on that basis, the grabby fuckers thought that your invitation was an open chequebook in return.

£100 is an incredibly generous gift to a former colleague. You'll have a response back don't worry about that. She's too invested from the carefully worded grabby first email.

We'll help with your next response

It is so unbelievably outrageous I wonder if it was an email she drafted (bad enough!) but didn't mean to send.

grabbing at straws here

I'd definitely tell your other friends. No doubt bridezilla will anyway!