Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Neverbuythedailymail I can assure you most Irish people would have been delighted with your vouchers.

There is a lot of stereotyping going on here. Most Irish people invite people because they would enjoy their company not because they would be good for a wad of dosh.

Gutted that they've already gone on honeymoon.

NeverbuytheDailyMail don't worry about it, most people are normal and thankful for any gift it's not mandatory, sorry if my post made you think that. Just some of the ones I've been to had that. To balance it out I was at one here where a guest brought an uninvited plus one and wrote 'IOU 1 wedding present' on the hotel stationary. B+G still mates with them last I heard!

I'm speechless reading this (well almost... ) I really can't believe the brassneck of some people, I really can't. But actually that's a lie, I can totally imagine there are people who live in an alternate universe because I hear about them so much on here! It would be cheeky from a family member but an ex colleague!? Hope they reply..
And actually £100 is a lot already. I gave £40 to a close friend!

Just a thought but you do all realise that at the bottom of the page is a link to social media sites...if we were wicked people, which obviously we are not, there could be quite a few links made.

I can't imagine a situation in which I would think it reasonable to ask for a gift of money back, but if there ever was one, this is it.

Of course you won't get it back, but I would be sorely tempted to simply make the point.

Her rudeness is breathtaking.

I thought I'd got to the age when nothing would shock me anymore.............

I'm from Ireland and the usual among my friends is €150 per couple, €200 for family.

speechless!

stop the cheque and reply telling them that you have now taken action reflecting the warmth of your good wishes. If they've already cashed the cheque, send a bill!

F*ck me sideways. I've heard it all now! Wow. Cancel cheque and friendship.

Send them an invoice for the outfit you bought, accommodation, drinks etc & tell them that is your adjustment.

OP this thread is epic!

I can believe it. A friend of mine, let's say Friend A, went to a mutual friend's wedding (Friend B) a few months ago. They aren't very close and hadn't seen each other for a while, Friend A was invited to the evening do, invite said "it's your presence not your presents we require". Friend A went for 2hrs and gave a card wishing love a good wishes to the couple.

Two weeks later, Friend A receives an email from Friend B saying "we've been through our pile of gifts and we can't find one from you so can you let us know what you gave us so we can check it has been correctly delivered ". Friend B knew this was bollocks but was just trying to make Friend A feel awkward. It worked.

Fortunately Friend A was simply honest " I sent you a card and my best wishes, but there was no gift so no worries about it being lost! "

Good luck OP. I'm agog for the update!

I'm going to go with the OP short-changing the B&G. They are very obviously in desperate need of a book on manners and not a cheque at all! unbelievable behaviour

Does anyone else remember that wishing well poem thread from a couple of years ago?

I went to a friend's DH's big birthday party. On the way in there was a box with a slit cut in it for "cash gifts". She told us she would be doing this. I had to pay (a lot) for someone to look after my DCs, travel halfway across the country, book a hotel and taxis etc. I didn't put any cash in the box, I just didn't feel right about it so it was just a card and a bottle of champagne.

She rang me up after the do saying she was confused as to who had given what cash and wanted to thank me so could I let her know what cash I put in. I found it excrutiating but was honest and said "None". I had to be honest. I just wish people wouldn't do this, she is wealthy and I find this sort of thing pretty awful.

I am gripped and need to know what happens next! I am genuinely aghast that someone would be that rude and greedy.

really?

Marking place!

BTW OP has already said that the cheque has been cashed, so cancelling it is - sadly - not an option. Given the greed of the bride, I imagine that she left scorch marks on the road in her haste to get to the bank and deposit her 'inadequate' gifts.

Wtaf!!??? How downright rude!!! Bloody hell £100 gift and they are moaning??? Ungrateful fuckers!!! I'd tell them to piss off!!!

When I got married 18 months ago a couple of friends said they would transfer money over if I gave them our bank details...for their gift. I never did because I'm not a money grabbing fucker like these pair!!! It's not about the money, it should never be...

I am so angry for you op...

Wow, it'll be interesting to see if she replies. You did request a read receipt didn't you?!

Ouch, how much for singles? Mad.