Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Is there any way to reverse a cashed cheque, I wonder?

Wow. Just wow. I cannot imagine what planet she must be living on!

"Could they possibly have cashed all the cheques and not written down properly who-sent-what? Maybe they think you didn't give them anything? :-/ If not it's astounding."

Whether they have mixed it up is completely irrelevant - even if someone hasn't sent a gift at all it is completely inappropriate to ask for one!! The whole point of a gift is that it is given willingly, not requested or demanded. Absolutely no excuse for this at all - completely unbelievable and unacceptable!!

Do you know her parents?

I'd be inclined to forward her email to her parents telling them to ask for a refund from whatever charm school they sent her to!

Is it possible that your (ex) friend/colleague has a VERY dark sense of humour? Is she perhaps making a joke that refers to an illustration or verse in the card you gave them?

Could it have been a joke emailed between the bride and groom that was never meant to be sent?

There has to be another explanation other than shameless, despicable greed. How long does the Bridezilla toxin take to leave the body after the ceremony?

How rude of her. If she responds, I'd ask for the money back.

I think you will be the only guest to have received this letter because they know you have "come into" some money. It's a begging letter, pure and simple, they want a handout.

I can't believe the gall of the bride!...bet OP is glad she's an ex colleague!

You could tell her if she sends you the £100 back you will do her a new cheque for a larger amount ...

Send them a glitter bomb disguised as a cheque.

I consider myself to be fairly mature and able to manage my emotional responses, but this one would result in a

"Fuck you, you rude, ungrateful cow"

from me

No I don't know her parents, and I honestly can't see how it was some jokey reference to something I sent; after all money's money, and the card (nice enough, I thought) was pretty standard

Are they going on honeymoon? If so and she replies with anything other than an apology, I'd be tempted to say:

"Of course, I can see now that you were expecting more. Could you let me know your flight numbers and hotel name please?"

... Make her think you're paying for a first class upgrade, and then do precisely nothing and enjoy the thought of her anticipation coming to nothing.

They've already been, Rae - two weeks in an exotic destination, apparently paid for by her PIL's (or so they said at the reception)

Got to nip out for an hour soon - will update if I hear any more later tonight, of course

If they are this grabby, there is no way they will have muddled up who gave what. People like that will know to the penny how much each person gave.

I hope someone she knows shows her this thread. I can't believe that anyone would write such a rude demanding email. Do you think she was drunk when she wrote it?

glitter bomb the bitch.

See, I think this level of cheek deserves a phone call.

A direct and to the point "Hello Bride, it's Puzzled here. About that text...(pause) care to explain?" and then see what she blurts out.

No way I'd be able to wait for a text response.

Shit... I am from the UK but went to a wedding in Dublin about five years ago (friends of DH) and I think we bought some vouchers for a high street department store. Am now wondering if we made a MASSIVE faux pas in not giving them cash to cover the cost of our meal etc???!!! I have NEVER given cash for wedding gift - either vouchers or something off the list!

I'd be like 'Oh I'm so sorry. Where are my manners? I'll be sure to get another cheque to you so that you have it once you get back from honeymoon!'

Then, after a couple weeks of anticipation on her honeymoon, just dreaming of the riches she's about to come into, she'll come home to a cheque for £0.01.

I kinda hope this story DOES make the Daily Mail so they can see the responses.

How rude
Can't fathom how they thought an email like that would result in a larger gift!
Very grabby indeed.

OMG OP, I can't believe you only gave £100. I'm totally for you. How can you live with yourself? If I were you I'd immediately send another cheque for £900, apologise to the B&G and thank them for their honest friendship. I think you should send a separate cheque for another couple of hundred quid to make up for putting them in the difficult position of having to craft that lovely, polite email.

.

Origami's predicted response is spot on. Are you the bride Origami??!?

Bloody hell. £100 is a huge amount! I could never afford to give that as a gift. Obviously why I've been invited to so few weddings