Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

You shouldn't feel bad about going not realising her intentions, I love weddings and got invited to a colleagues wedding simply because she knew how much I'd love it - I would hope most people anyone considers a friends first thought was 'they remember how much I like weddings' not 'what do they want'
I hope you had a fabulous day, its a shame her behaviour has resulted in a slight cloud over the day but don't ever thing you should have seen this coming

Place marking. This out does sushi thrower outer.

See, we are going to have some issues paying the mortgage for a few months. Maybe I'll throw my DH a 50th birthday party and invite people we know who have been recently bereaved...... [ponders]

Puzzled I don't think anyone's suggesting that's such a response from her would be reasonable, just that it's the kind of justification you might expect from someone who would dare send an email like this in the first place!

Are there really people like this out there?? Surely this is a one-off!

I am well and truly flabbed

great pomes on here though.

My husband's mum's next door neighbour (who was invited to the evening bit of our wedding) gave us the most hideous biscuit barrel shaped like a dog. But we were charmed that she had bought us a gift, it was really sweet of her. And years down the line, the biscuit barrel is still going strong and my daughter actually loves it.

I can't believe that anyone would have the gall to demand more money from wedding guests!

that is all. I look forward to hearing if you get a response OP. If not I would go on Facebook - I've never used it but assume you can put up a message which she and everyone can see saying how appalled you were to receive her e-mail with no word of thanks for your gift of 100 pounds but suggesting you should increase the amount. I think you should name and shame.

Like weddings anywhere you'll have grabby fuckers and people who would be happy with an inexpensive gift, its not limited to Irish.

The norm in Ireland is to give money in a card, granted, but only the crassest of folk would ever mention anything other than a sincere thank you for your generous gift. It is not the norm to approach a guest afterwards and ask them for more money or to badmouth them.

I plan on having a no-gifts, no-cash policy on my wedding. Weddings are expensive enough for people to get dressed up for, travel to and maybe organise a babysitter or pay for an overnight stay. I just genuinely want my friends to come and share my day. I would be upset if my wedding caused any friend or family member financial hardship in even the smallest way.

I would be sorely tempted to send her a link to this thread

Don't tempt me!! Believe me I've been very close and am trying my best to resist ...

And what on earth was MNHQ's "trolling report" remark about? In many ways I wish I was making this up, but what would be the point when we're all anonymous on here? After all it's not as if the B&G are identifiable ...

I would cancel the cheque and give that £100 to maybe a charity who would be very grateful. I think that's appalling behaviour. I won't use the word manners because that email doesn't even register on the scale off bad to good manners !!!

the trolling remark was because lots of people were doubting it was true, so had presumably reported the thread.

I was going to suggest the FB idea too just speechless

I think Puzzled it was just so unbelievable people reported - hell i thought it was made up......

You defo learn something new every day here on MN!

The cheque has been cashed so it can't be cancelled.

This is just astonishingly rude.
That would be a very swift end to our friendship if I had received that email.

It's not even a friend, Queen. She's just a woman the OP worked with.

It could be true. I once took part in a radio phone-in about weddings. One FotB said he had written to two couples to cancel their invites as the gifts were inadequate for they type of wedding he was providing.

I got married in the country I now live in and I was so grateful that people managed to come over. I actually contacted people before and told them we didn't expect gifts or cash as we knew the cost of flights and whatnot was more than high enough (I paid for a few peoples flights as I knew they were skint.)

100 quid is very generous- we got barely any gifts for our wedding !

I'd be plastering her email over every social media outlet I could find. The very cheek of them!

This is just outrageous!

I definitely think this has the potential to go viral OP, if DM or other journalists are sniffing round the boards....

Wow

I wish you'd replied asking what amount you should have given, I bet she would tell you! Greedy bitch

I also bet she replies to your email. That sort of entitlement usually keeps at it.

Phenomenally rude. Wow. I'd be tempted to simply ignore all other contact.
I wonder was she a bully at work?

Kwirrell What's the emoticon for flabber completely ghasted? I'm not getting this "21st Century wedding "etiquette"" at alllllll... One time when I'm glad to be old!

I'm gutted that you can't cancel the cheque. I hate that the grabby bastards have £100 of your money and aren't even grateful for it.

I think under the circumstances I'd probably just send a reply saying "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"