Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

Is she a daily mail reader? They may well shame her for you

Was she just as rude and self-entitled when you worked with her op? She sounds like a shocker.

Great email!

Well done OP. Short, but conveys your horror perfectly.

Some funny retaliation suggestions here, but personally I would be really upset at the begging email, so wouldn't want to escalate it any further, other than to say exactly what you have in your reply. I wouldn't furnish them with another minute of my time. Enjoy your retirement.

Brilliant response. Absolutely shocked at how entitled people are getting. What is the world coming to.

I am literally aghast at this. There are no words except give me my money back you grabby bitch perhaps.

And that has viral written all over it. I'll happily share it on Facebook.

I woulds reply saying that your are utterly gobsmacked by then email, and them have nothing to do with them in future.

Surely this can't be real

Unbelievable.

I'd tell them to fuck off.

I haven't rtft but why does an ex-colleague know about your inheritance?

She was a bit what you might call "pushy" as a colleague, but nothing that would suggest something like this. To be fair, though, it's a while since I worked with her every day, though we stayed in contact - I later worked for myself and have, as I say, since retired

In all honesty I was a bit surprised even to get the invitation, but I'm a sucker for weddings anyway and genuinely wanted to wish them well. Probably I should have worked out what the clear motivation was ...

Brilliant response, OP. I bet she responds.

I have read this thread and am the cheek of the bride is awful. Great email response by you OP.

Im disgusted but not surprised...

We live in Ireland and were invited to the 'Afters' of one of my OHs colleagues, a concept I'd never heard of until Ireland. Not being Irish either of us, I didn't know the protocol so gave some crystal flutes and a gift card for €50. Later gossip got back to me that we had been marked down as 'cheap', and so we weren't invited to the Afters of the next colleague to get married.

In contrast we went to the wedding of a close friend in Preston; flew over, two nights in a hotel, rental car etc. We gave £250 in a card. They approached us at the end of the night in a quiet moment to thank us for our (in their words) "very generous gift" and offered to give some of it back as they thought we had given too much!

The Afters thing bugs me! In Australia and New Zealand, you're either invited to the wedding or you're not, and the bar is paid for. Some couples have BBQ after the honeymoon but there's none of this "You're a 'B grade' friend, you can only come to dance" crap

Love the reply! I hope she replies!

I must admit I have to keep reading your opening post as I am stunned!!! Just stunned

She sounds like someone who wanted I make the maximum amount of cold hard cash out of her wedding.

I am speechless!

Great response. Keeps posted...

"Keep us posted", obvs...

I'm sorry but I just don't believe this. I think the OP is being joshed.

I'm sure there will be an outrageous reply soon.

Wow...

Has she considered that given you've recently inherited money, that must have been a result of having lost someone very close to you?? Why on earth would she think she's entitled to comment on that?

We did a gift list for our wedding and while it was lovely to receive the presents, the only reason we did one was because people wanted to know what to buy us. The things I remember about our wedding aren't the presents we received but the wonderful day that all of our loved ones spent with us. I remember thinking "I can't believe all these people are here for us!"

I don't envisage much happiness in her future to be honest...

It seems the sort of thing a greedy couple might say to each other, rather than something a person would put in writing to the gift-giver. I can't think of anyone who would think a further gift would be forthcoming after receiving an email like that.

That is truly shocking behaviour

And the fact that you may have only been invited because of your recent inheritance is disgusting

Awful. Sounds like she heard about your inheritance and invited you for your 'donation'. I wonder how many of the other guests were chosen for financial reasons.