Post - wedding message ... please help me, what the hell do I say??

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I recently attended an ex-colleague's wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can't help feeling it shouldn't)

Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they'd all been, then said "we were surprised that your contribution didn't seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

For someone who's not easily shocked I confess I'm utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I'll mention that "your own position" probably refers to a recent inheritance I've had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)

Please, anyone, what do I do now? I've never come across anything like this before and still can't quite believe they've done it - but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??

"Ha ha ha, you got me!. Can you imagine there really is some cunty people out there who do this? We must catch up for drinks soon, hope you're loving married life. I bought that house in the Cotswolds and we're off to Barbados shortly so after then.

Love and hugs"

Impressed with your calm response. I don't think I could contain my flabbered ghast very successfully in that situation.

Do report back the response.

Good response! Though I liked the idea of sending a reply suggesting their account had been hacked as you'd just received a phishing mail :D.

Truly shocking. The buerocratic tone of the email, too. The idea that you can put a monetary value on "warm wishes". Crude and crazy.

I'm gobsmacked. Utterly.

It would be an unspeakably rude email to send even if you'd given them no gift at all, but £100 is really very generous, especially for an ex-work colleague.

Your reply is good. I don't imagine you'll get another back from her.

Definitely reply and sound as sincere as possible, something like "You are right, I guess I haven't adjusted to my new circumstances yet! Really sorry for the offence. Send me back the £100 to and I'll sort you out ASAP. Hope you are enjoying/looking forward to the honeymoon. Take care xxx"

That way you will either get your £100 back, or, if they are too wary to refund you (after all it's not a logical way to do it), they will be left with a nagging wonder as to whether they have missed out on ££££.

If she has the brass neck to reply to that message you have just sent....then my fury would have no bounds!

Oh x-post, never mind

We were just happy that people came to our wedding and spent the day with us. my hisband has lots of siblings and close cousins. They all gave £50 per person attending (one of the aunts suggested it years ago) and when weve been to one of their weddings we have given the same. it keeps it all fair and friendly. £100 for a single person to give to an ex-colleague sounds like a very generous gift to me.

Wow. Just - wow.

It's an email, any chance you could send it to a large-as-you-can distribution list, preferably including all her current work colleagues? Or would it be better to wait until you have her reply to distribute too?

Yes it is a bit sad - i've been to a few where the bride /groom expressly said no presents and i think this is the way to go if you can.

Having said that from my early investigations into our wedding it seems to be a min of 85 euro per head for the wedding dinner plus all the other costs that a wedding entails so i can see why cash gifts are welcome! Particularly as people and their families feel under pressure to put on something decent. Its a weird cultural thing. In addition the average size of a wedding outside dublin is 220 people often going to 300. It adds up quickly!

I'd have gone for
I'm so sorry, but I see you've cashed the cheque. If you send me a cheque back for £100 I'll send you another for an improved amount

This is shocking

WriteforFun1 The party is on mainland continental Europe, not the UK.

Great reply OP

Another one here gobsmacked at the GreedyFuckers. I thought the £100 you gave was extremely generous.

I wonder if you could start a wedding review on Trip Advisor?

Just saw that you replied OP. Good for you.

The bride is basically saying "the more money you give, the more you like us" which is just beyond vile. Plus if she knew about your inheritance, she should not ever think that she is entitled to any part of it. That breaks so many rules of decency that I don't know where to start.

It's REALLY well crafted and well written, not something you'd dash off in a hurry. This is a cold, calculated move

Yes, this is precisely right; it's also what I meant when I said I recognised her writing style. Believe me, if she wants to reply she could probably make a pretty good job of it (by her grabby standards, I mean) which is why I didn't rant and rave - as I've said, my inclination is to leave her to reap the rewards (?) of her own behaviour, which probably won't be long in coming

And yes, my ex-colleague is a woman who married a man, if it makes any difference

So glaf you replied. I can't believe her!!

PacificDogwod sums it up "I am aghast. My ghast has been well and truly flabbered." !

Perfect response OP. Can't wait for her reply confirming that it isn't a mistake at which point you can roll out the MN classic of "I'm sure you didn't mean to be so rude".

Keep us updated as to the response OP!!

I was going to suggest that you'd keep it going just to see how far they'd go.

Starting with, "what amount would you say was reasonable, considering my warm wishes"? Then keep haggling.

if everyone just kept heir €150s and put them in accounts that earn interest everyone would be better off!
I often think this myself.

But it also reminds me of that episode in Sex and the City where Carrie got pissed off that as a single woman she was short changed as she never got presents, which she kept giving friends for their weddings, christenings, and so on. The one with the lost shoes. :)

OP can't cancel the cheque, why do people keep saying to do that when the OP has said it's been cashed?

I would write along the lines of...

Dear Grabby Fucker

I am astounded and actually quite hurt that you felt it necessary to write to me because you felt £100 wasn't enough as a wedding gift. You haven't even thanked me for that! I am not sure if you are referring in your email to my recent small inheritance, or whether you judge your wedding gifts by each guest and the amount of money they have, but needless to say I will not be sending you more money.

There is such a thing as courtesy, manners and friendliness and in light of your extremely rude email I think it best that we cut contact from this moment on.

Send her a biscuit. An old, stale biscuit.

It reads as if they might have sent it to everyone with the hope of some stumping up more.

I would just never ever talk to these people again. This makes me wonder, in real old lady style, what the world is coming to. I have never heard of anything so rude.

If they did Didl I don't think they will have many friends left.

I think I would have replied lol

Please share their reply, if you get one, OP.