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Funniest bit of childbirth
842

rachelhill · 12/01/2007 15:53

My funniest bit was that during every contraction my boobs squirted milk, at quite high velocity and I got the irritating consultant's glasses while he was telling me I wasn't in proper labour.

Second funniest, midwife asked me to rate my pain 1-10 periodically and at one point I said 9. She rushed up to give me some entenox....but I was actually just telling hubbie what the missing number was on his sudoku because he was stuck.

Come on ladies, what memory of childbirth makes you chuckle.

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Myrtle1 · 13/01/2007 18:57

Not being able to work out how to use the gas and air mouthpiece and DH trying to show me how to suck the gas and air out and then getting high on it himself

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Edam · 13/01/2007 19:00

being convinced that everyone was laughing at me because I was so quiet despite being in agony. Three witnesses tell me actually I was shouting 'f*ck' repeatedly. For hours. The midwife told me to keep the gas and air pipe in my mouth on the outbreath just to cut the volume!

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Edam · 13/01/2007 19:01

LOL at Ruby, that is so sisterly!

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Seansgirl · 13/01/2007 19:16

Me high on G&A and Pethidine floating in and out of a sleepy state between contractions must have been dreaming about the stock of food I had cooked and put in freezer....shaking DH arm and saying "Nick, Nick.." DH "yes" ME "What about the haddock?"

and DD shooting out very quickly that MW and DH prounced her baby scud...ahhh how sweet....

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LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/01/2007 19:36

these are reminding me of more funny bits!

when ds2 was about to appear my mw had another with her who had not seen a water birth before. she enquired to mw wether they should bring the baby to the surface or the mother should.
'we tend to intervene only if absolutely necessary'
i replied: 'grab the bloody baby because i wont!'
and the classic: 'push dear'
'i am f*cking pushing!'

dh's face when the afterbirth made it's appearance.

the mws face when ds2 appeared in his amniotic sac, fully sealed.
she had previously suggested i feel down below to keep myself motivated and i told her i could not feel his head but what felt like a balloon- she didnt believe me- she did then because she panicked! lol

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Beauregard · 13/01/2007 19:39

Dp on the phone to the emergency services
They asked -How long between contractions ?
Dp-How long between contractions love?
Me screaming-It is F*ing coming!

Emergency services to dp-Can you see the head?
Dp-Erm im not sure er yes i think so!
He later told me that he wasn't sure if it was a headfull of hair he could see or one of my fanjo flaps

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laundrylover · 13/01/2007 19:49

When DD2 was coming out my fab MW brought a full length mirror so that I could watch but she was a black lady with a large booty and knocked it on her way past so that all I could see was the wall!! She had also clamped a mask on my face for optimum G and A as I was loving it, so I was gesticulating wildly with eyes rolling to get someone to turn the mirror....she got the message just in time.

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nikkie · 13/01/2007 20:12

Only funny looking back but after nearly 2 days of labour (and not getting anywhere) they agreed to a section and a registrar tried to do an internal before I went to theatre, as this was about the 20th internal (4 cms!) I wasn't impressed and punched him .Apparantly he wasn't popular on the ward with staff or patients (knows-best) so the mid wife s thought it was great

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jenwa · 13/01/2007 20:45

Such a good thread, making me laugh!

shinyhappypeopleholdinghands- funny, LOL, I too cant think of a funny moment, just pain and being slighty out of it and pain oh and pain!!!!

will have a think though!!

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BeautifulAva · 13/01/2007 21:04

O

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lackofgravitas · 13/01/2007 21:16

Peculiar, rather than funny ... the obstetrician asking DH 'did you study in Boston then?' DH was utterly baffled by the question, so I pointed out that he was wearing his MIT t-shirt, and the doctor was enquiring as to whether he'd studied there. Even at the time was thinking that it was mad that, lying there with wires and tubes all over the place, baby in distress, about to be attacked with a ventouse, part of my brain was together enough to realise what on EARTH this conversation was about.

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GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 13/01/2007 21:33

Forgot to mention:

A couple of days after childbirth, MW asking "Now, what are you going to do for contraception?"

Very funny.

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GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 13/01/2007 21:37

LOTF, apparently babies born in the amniotic sac are supposed to be supremely lucky (according to folklore). It was known as 'being born in a caul' and sailors used to pay a fortune for the discarded sac to protect them from harm when at sea.

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LadyOfTheFlowers · 13/01/2007 21:41

it was pretty amazing. once i'd calmed down i found it floating about and examined it! lol
should have stuck it on ebay!

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LubyLoo · 13/01/2007 21:48

Great thread!

I was glued to my birthing ball through most of my labour. I was high on gas and air, bouncing on my ball facing the bed.

Apparently I started apologising saying "I'm sorry I'm so drunk. I'm never normally this drunk" then promptly bounced,slipped off the ball and under the bed! DH had to drag me back out!

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ILoveDolly · 13/01/2007 22:00

high on gas and air i talked avidly of ... Krispy Kreme donuts WTF? Also funny to midwife, not me, dh (who is a doc and v blase about labour) sitting next to me doing sodding sudoku for hours and hours

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Toady · 13/01/2007 22:04

Lubyloo {grin] great image of your DH pulling you out.

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jofeb04 · 13/01/2007 23:05

With ds, i found it funny when a student doctor fainted onto the floor when the consultant did the episiotomy (sp?).

With my dd, it was saying I wasn't going to give birth unless they promised me a chinese!!
Also with dd, after dd was born and midwive took her to see the peeds (sp? again lol), then all I heard was cluttering and mw came screming out "I forgot the placenta"!!

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jofeb04 · 13/01/2007 23:08

Opps, I forgot about the time with dd when I was lying in theatre and the aneathatist was preparing a general, and I told him I wasn't having an injection, then a minute later, literally as he was next to me, I said I needed to push, and the mw looked at me and asked if I was joking. I said no, mw checked, and dd's head was out!

At the time, none of this was funny, but looking back, I remember the look of confusion when I said it!

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BeautifulAva · 14/01/2007 01:41

Apologising loudly, on all fours, high on G&A, to all, (whoever they were)for having piles.

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arfishy · 14/01/2007 03:29

ROFL! These are hilarious.

Looking back I can't really think of anything too funny in my 32 hour labour. The only thing even vaguely funny was the comedy obstetrician shaped white patch on the wall after my haemorrhage.

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nappyaddict · 14/01/2007 06:37

mines the same as yours saltire.

me - i need to push i need to push now.

mw - no no, its far to soon, you just need to poo.

mw scurries off to get cardbaord bowl thing

me - hmm ok if you're sure

my cousin (birthing partner) holy crap she was right there's a head. panics andshouts mw - its coming its coming it isn't a poo she was right

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ashayden · 14/01/2007 08:20

After my ds was born via section, he was quickly held up for me to see and then taken over to a table to be checked out. My dh was watching them check him over. I hadn't seen him properly so I asked dh what he looked like. He turns to me very excited and said "He's hung like a horse".Everyone in the theatre lost it.

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ludaloo · 14/01/2007 08:32

well I'm told this was hilarious...I personally was in far too much pain to notice!!!..........

I was braving my second birth with as little drugs as poss (yes I know, Very stupid!!!)The midwife hurried in G&A but I was in too much pain and panicking way to much to concentrate on breathing!!! So the midwife in her efforts to calm me suggested I tried a new position. She had me up on all fours, with my head and arms draped over the back of the bed and my backside up in the air facing the midwife, dh, and a student
I was not too happy with this but thought I'd go along with it...it might help to get the little bugger out quicker!
Next thing I know is an almighty pop...A HUGE relief and much comfort!!!
"Oh my god" I thought "I've had it"!!!!!!
Seconds later...dh is up my end of the bed...I'm asking if everything is ok...Dh is soaked from the knees up!!!
My waters had exploded!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I then realise I haven't given birth yet as a wave of pain hits me again....rolled back onto my back and a few pushes later my dear little baby had arrived!
I breathed a sigh of relief and looked over to the midwife and the student...who were also wet from the knees up!!!!!!!!
The midwife even had wet hair!!!!!!! EEEWWWWW!

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ludaloo · 14/01/2007 08:48

(maybe it was hilarious after a while! Dh still tells people about it today!!...except he ellaborates and says I managed to knock pictures off the wall )


I have also remembered that dh actually missed dd2 emerging....she was delivered in approx. 15 minutes, so was very quick...but I had dh in a head lock for the entire pushing stage!!!!
(It was all too quick for pain relief this time...but believe me after my experience of no pain relief with ds I was BEGGING for an epidural! I fell out with the midwife...who just shook her head and told me to push!)

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