is this the worst and most self-absorbed piece of journalism ever written? (most amusing)

[whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney]

Without a word of a lie, this was printed in The Evening Standard the other day after the tornado. A friend of mine has picked it up and thinks it's worth celebrating in all its pompous, un-self-aware, London meeja whore bourgeois pig awfulness. it's not a piss-take. really it isn't.

"My tornado hell. This is to celebrate and remember the excellent article by freelance writer Caroline Phillips from the Evening Standard. When it was printed is irrelevant, the point is to keep it alive forever, long after the last landfill has rotted away, we are all dust, and your children's children's children may revel in the words contained herein." here

She's a genius...coz she must be taking the piss .. She's parping herself...surely!
love it...shall we copy the whole thread and put it on her comments?

The typos are nothing to do with Ms Phillips. The hideous pretentiousness, melodrama and self-pity are all her own work though.

On "vomited across our floor" I came close, but this line was where I really lost it.

"In January, it was to have been shot for Homes & Property. On Saturday Ella is, no, that's was, having three friends for a birthday sleepover. I am crying as I write this."

And I was crying as I read this. With laughter. A real piss-take could not have been any funnier.

I ROFL at the trauma therapist.

Thank you- this has cheered me up no end.

"Adrian explained that there is only one hotel in London: Claridges."

ROFL

You'd never tire of slapping her, would you?

Thanks for making me laugh through my miserable hangover and spew Irn Bru all over the keyboard.

Got as far as Antony Gormley's bollards and DS started asking "what is wrong Mummy, why are you laughing" (tears rolling down my face)

I hate to break this to you but quite a few of these middle class women ARE this self absorbed and pretentious.

When DS was taken in to hospital I remember calling to tell a client that hubby would not be able get to work for her as he was in hospital with him - her response "oh im so sorry - I will get my kitchen finished in time for christmas wont I?"

Sartre was right, 'Hell is other people.' Other people like this.

Had to laugh at the link for floating shelves underneath!!

oh i am SO glad you've all enjoyed Caroline's work... can you imagine being in her NCT group?
i'd never heard of her, tbh, until my pal mentioned this piece. (thanks dara for confirming that you've actually SEEN it in the Standard...)

but now i am an avid fan. anyone who sees any of her other piece, could they please link from now on?

come on own up...who put the fantastic comment 'If only Beryls house had collapsed completely...we could have had a organic vegetable plot as well'
pmsl

Well, it couldn't have happened to a nicer woman.

'Then we heard that a fiftysomething man had suffered serious head injuries. With rising foreboding, we went from official to official, from Methodist Church Hall to the British Legion centre, to find out if it was our friend Chris Barker. It wasn't.'

wow she really knows how to build suspense - not

oh this HAS to be a windup even if it was in the evening standard. it really has to be.

Love the namechecking of the school. and the road.

surely its a spoof?

I think we're in danger of turning this woman into a sleb; she'll have her own Channel 5 chat show by New Year - live from Claridges!

why would the Standard run a spoof so soon after the event? no spoof... it's completely consistent with her other writing. google for her if you don't believe...

I have lost respect for the Evening Standard!!!!!

this has really perked up my morning .

oh, I can make a draining board out of snake-leashed sticks . I spent several guide camps learning how. had no idea it was going to be trendy one day.

that means you must know what a snake-leashed stick is. and I got all the way to 36 without having even heard of them

though my last post should have read "writes the former oxford-educated fennel".

How funny.

It really reminded me of what junior school pupils would produce after a lesson on similes and metaphors and the use of adjectives - see how many you can stick in a single paragraph.

Juliet heard my cries through the thick Edwardian walls. "I thought they were the screams of a dying woman."

LOL - do you think Juliet is trying to tell her something - like why were you screaming like that when you are unhurt.

I will go home tonight and look with renewed appreciaton at my floating shelves - never mind that they are Ikea beech veneer, I can pretend.

oops sorry last post was by Durham-educated-bozza, IT analyst.

Also why did they take the DDs back to see the house one at a time?

The apartheid thing was what clinched it for me. Classic. Because, of course, having to decamp from your damaged house is exactly the same as being forced to live in a racially-segregated township.