is this the worst and most self-absorbed piece of journalism ever written? (most amusing)

[whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney]

Without a word of a lie, this was printed in The Evening Standard the other day after the tornado. A friend of mine has picked it up and thinks it's worth celebrating in all its pompous, un-self-aware, London meeja whore bourgeois pig awfulness. it's not a piss-take. really it isn't.

"My tornado hell. This is to celebrate and remember the excellent article by freelance writer Caroline Phillips from the Evening Standard. When it was printed is irrelevant, the point is to keep it alive forever, long after the last landfill has rotted away, we are all dust, and your children's children's children may revel in the words contained herein." here

oh
my
fkn
god
my favourite part was when she compared not being allowed back into her house as apartheid

Blimey I didn't get that far. Did she compare finding her le creuset pots missing to the holocaust?

PMSL at the cat's arse in spasm. So unnecessary. And yet descriptive.

I am sooo enjoying the pleasure/horror that others are taking from choice phrases.

I know it is REAL as in she is a journalist, it was in the Standard, it's like her other pieces.

but I refuse to believe she's not aware of her own ridiculousness. It just isn't possible. Apartheid FFS, screaming with grief in the loo. She is taking the piss out of herself, I am sure. My faith in humanity depends on me believing this point of view, so I am going to continue to do so.

Just reading the first line from all of her articles is amusement enough:

'LORD Charles March, son of the Duke of Richmond, has just locked himself out of The Kennels. He knocks on the French doors and waves..'

And:

'VOGUE editor Alexandra Shulman and Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) are often seen walking along its leafy streets, although not together. Emma Thompson has ..'

I think someone has read too much Judith Krantz when young

Of course she's taking the piss.

Of course she is.

OHMYGOODGOD! This is the funniest thing i have ever read ... ever. Her poor floating american walnut shelf ... words fail me - i wonder how many times it will be submitted to Private Eye for their Pseuds Corner ... you really couldn't make it up.

It's not a piss take. It was a double page spread in the Standard. It is just like all the rest of her journalism. Why would she write, or the paper publish, a peculiar satire on something that was very unpleasant for a number of Londoners, not all of whom are as ghastly as CP.

do you know what the writing style reminds me of? In The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, he decides he is going to write a romantic novel and he namedrops and used words like "soignee" to imply sophistication etc etc whilst failing miserably.

Actually, I beginning to wonder if she might not have potential as a 'national treasure'.

I mean, check this out from the camping article:

'Our neighbours are Mike Chattey and family. A fundraiser for the Conservative Party, he turned down a fortnight in a villa near St Tropez to camp. His tent is a veritable mansion block; artist Christo used less material when he wrapped the Reichstag. Nearby in her nostalgic Czech tent is Sue Charman. "I know how to make a draining board out of snakeleashed sticks," explains this Oxford educated former theatre director.'

Does anyone care to speculate wtf a 'snakeleashed stick' is? Is it a Farrow and Ball pigment?

could you imagine what kind of a shag she must be?

i got all the way through the first sentence before i had to go change my pants! have now put towels down and am off to finish the article. Am wearing armbands as precaution.

no idea what a snakeleashed stick is ... but WTF is a nostalgic Czech tent?? How can a sodding tent be nostalgic.

funniest thing I've ever read!

yup. she's a twat.

i wonder how she thinks she comes across?

........dear god, you dont suppose she's that annoying in rl, do you?

maybe next time, instead of being dorothy, she could be the wicked witch of the east.......

Some classic bits in another article about having her house done up:
"Nathan Brown was just the builder we were looking for when we embarked on a radical conversion of our Victorian terrace house.

Nathan, of Brownstone Design, is one of a new breed of builder: married to a TV producer, he practises feng shui and yoga before rolling up his sleeves, and he knows the importance of finishing projects on time and within budget."

And their new kitchen has all mod cons:
"In no time we had created a huge modern extension where once there had been the lean-to. Inside was a kitchen, by Alternative Plans, with a quarry's worth of limestone on the heated floor, Lutron lighting (as used in the Oval Office of the White House), a Gaggenau steam oven, drive-in Siemens fridge-freezer, wraparound Bose home-entertainment system and a wall of sliding glass doors that cost us our holidays for a decade."

.

And she has a "passion" for interiors.

A passion, forsooth.

There must be a modern-day Wagner around who could do a three-day opera about such a grand subject.

It's delicious. I'm going to read a paragraph every half hour, to draw out the fun. It's too much all at once.

It didn't cost her anything in holidays surely - her pseudy travel articles pay for her delightful little sojourns in Tarn. nice work if you can get it.

I called Adrian's mobile. He was at a job interview, having recently been cut from his work as a private banker.

Does she mean fired. ???

Beryl was still worthy enough of a mention, probably the ''loft kitchen'' that did it.

There were some awful spelling errors though

I think it's just my mind, but I giggled when I read this in one of the other articles: "Now it's a handsome building with sculptor Antony Gormley's bollards outside."

Sorry about my puerile sense of humour.

I wonder if her work has ever had so much interest...I wonder if all Antony Gormley's work is bollards

Who is she? What's her name? I couldn't find it in her article?

Oh, having said that, juts realised the OP had provided her name.

I think my favourite bit is "We're not in a tent in Pakistan or even Brent council's temporary accomodation." That bit's got to be a bit ironic, surely?

Can we start a fan club?!