is this the worst and most self-absorbed piece of journalism ever written? (most amusing)

[whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney]

Without a word of a lie, this was printed in The Evening Standard the other day after the tornado. A friend of mine has picked it up and thinks it's worth celebrating in all its pompous, un-self-aware, London meeja whore bourgeois pig awfulness. it's not a piss-take. really it isn't.

"My tornado hell. This is to celebrate and remember the excellent article by freelance writer Caroline Phillips from the Evening Standard. When it was printed is irrelevant, the point is to keep it alive forever, long after the last landfill has rotted away, we are all dust, and your children's children's children may revel in the words contained herein." here

I couldn't get very far... wasn't very intresting.

PMSL! There's more.

From an Evening Standard Campsite Article:

Really, I'm not obvious camping material. My last adventure holiday took me to Bali to the poolside of an Aman resort. I'm a camping virgin but was keen to see what all the fuss was about. My husband's shopping list read: 'tent, firelighters, Swiss army knife', to which I added: 'Floral-print Dosa and dotty Legacy frocks from The Cross.'

We arrive at our Cornish campsite. (No jet lag. It's in the same time zone as London.) It's near Holywell Bay and current campers include four Rudolph Steiner educationalists, a psychotherapist and two Suzuki violin teachers.

I MUST go and find a photo.

she is obsessed by peoples jobs isn't she - her first question must be "& what do you do?" (bit like the queen I suppose - subtext = & are you worth talking to).

Suzuki violin teacher - how specific.
educationalist - does she mean teacher.

her thesaurus must be well thumbed - ooer missus

I'm with Moondog. I'm partial to a bit of Farrow & Ball myself but that article just makes me want to get out a big gun.

I wonder if Cath Kidston has branched out into armaments yet?

pmsl, oh i bet she eats baked beans out of a can and drink tennants super. noone can be that pretentious in rl

"It has to be a piss-take. Simply because if she was real someone would have killed her by now" yep!

either done with so much tongue in cheek irony, it goes beyond ironic and reverts to pretentiousness and up - yer -own arsiness.....

or was pretentious anyway and done without a hint of irony.

vomited clementines.....my nights will be haunted by that sad image for ever more.........not to mention the american walnut floating shelf...........how, i mean , how and how cares if the shelves float?

Aitch - i thank you for making me

and

once again !

ta !

"It has to be a piss-take. Simply because if she was real someone would have killed her by now" yep!

either done with so much tongue in cheek irony, it goes beyond ironic and reverts to pretentiousness and up - yer -own arsiness.....

or was pretentious anyway and done without a hint of irony.

vomited clementines.....my nights will be haunted by that sad image for ever more.........not to mention the american walnut floating shelf...........how, i mean , how and how cares if the shelves float?

Aitch - i thank you for making me

and

once again !

ta !

see, so mind blown i posted twice !!

Sorry guys - a one post blog with google ads at the top, clearly meant to be is it/isn't it real to get the click throughs... it's a piss take.

And just because she (can you be sure it's her? It's a livejournal blog ffs - she could say she was Mahatma Gandhi) writes contraversial stuff in a newspaper doesn't prove anything either - editors view their success in how large the mailbag is - hence the proliferation of shock journalism that seems to be fashionable at the moment.

(Oh and all the posh stuff inside her house is blatantly to get better paying google advertising links)

I read it and to be honest a lot went over my head - although the name dropping was obvious and a little sad! Anyway then I read all these posts and I totally got it and thought OMG!!!

Anyway now I think she is a silly pretentious cow but I do still feel sorry for her dog! And I think she made up the bit about the paranoid schizophrenic - can you imagine a paranoid schizophrenic (disheveled!) being worried about his meds in the aftermath of a tornado , more likely they would be developing an elaborate conspiracy theory me thinks!!!

Ah, it takes all sorts......
Couldn't read to the end, more of the same. Quite amazing though and yes, it could easily have been a script for the catherine Tate show, perhaps someone should forward it to her agent or something

What a sad sad woman! May she never discover the horrors of real life tragedies going on in the world. Or maybe she should ..

See Aitch's post earlier - it wasn't originally a blog, just been put there so more people can laugh at it:

"no, the story is that my friend was sent this by a friend of his who works for the Indy, which is the paper this silly twunt normally writes for. this piece, however, was in the evening standard. the chap from teh indy had typed it out, he'd been so appalled.
i've actually just rung my friend to re-confirm that is definitely For Real.
anyway, my pal does a lot of blogging for livejournal so he just made a blogspot up for the article so that it was easy for his friends (ie me)to find. it's already been sent to Pseuds Corner... i think we can be sure that the Eye will not take kindly to it."

Come on then, who posted on her comments to tell her about this thread? . I'm astounded at the number of typos in the article - didn't she spell check it first? And what was all that stuff about Kensal Rise and the Scientologists? Totally lost me there.

Oooh I read this in the Standard when it came out and had a moment of huge and silent mirth between Queenstown Road and Wandsworth Town.

My favourite bit was this:

"On Friday evening, stupidly, we met friends for dinner in that awful eye of the social tornado, Cipriani. I wore Tornado Chic - the grey pants and multiple jumpers that were still my only clothes. I screamed with grief in the loo."

Screamed with grief in the loo...

I think it is true. You really couldn't make it up.

Rubberduck - nope, this has to be real. You only have to read her other pieces to see that a common theme runs through them. Namely one that screams, "I am a precocious twat. Please punch me."

She writes a lot for the Standard it would seem. Read the camping piece - it reads like nails down the blackboard. The style of writing is identical, so this is either for real or the most phenomenal piss take.

Priceless. Thank you Santa. You've truly surpassed yourself.

No it has got to be a piss take. It really is like a whole long elongated pseuds corner. I didn't get past the first few paragraphs, it was a bit formulaic and I sort of knew what was coming. "My soul was in that house" is my favourite bit. It begs the question of where her soul's got to now.

It IS real!! I read it in the Standard, complete with picture of her house and her! She is reasonably famous as a journalist.

So funny though that people can't believe it!

I thought it was hysterical.

her soul's probably staying at Claridges - or maybe taking a short holiday in the Bahamas to get over it.

amused by the offensive mango..

She's a prune faced, middleaged, blonde highlighted West London person.

...with a face like a cat's arse in spasm.