is this the worst and most self-absorbed piece of journalism ever written? (most amusing)

[whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney]

Without a word of a lie, this was printed in The Evening Standard the other day after the tornado. A friend of mine has picked it up and thinks it's worth celebrating in all its pompous, un-self-aware, London meeja whore bourgeois pig awfulness. it's not a piss-take. really it isn't.

"My tornado hell. This is to celebrate and remember the excellent article by freelance writer Caroline Phillips from the Evening Standard. When it was printed is irrelevant, the point is to keep it alive forever, long after the last landfill has rotted away, we are all dust, and your children's children's children may revel in the words contained herein." here

here she is talking about it

If you have bothered to look at the photos you will see that I am an ordinary working woman. I was wearing four sweaters in that shot because my own clothes were underneath what remains of my side return where they had been waiting for the cleaner to come and iron them. I appreciate that the sweaters do not flatter my figure, but I cannot understand why my predicament has attracted such vile comments.

(wake me up when she finishes talking about it...zzzzzzzzzz..........)

Well the BBC were very interested in me, Enideepmidwinter, even if you aren't. I had a call today from a senior producer to check that I am okay. That is the sort of small, unasked kindness I am accustomed to receiving.

scientology......there's a tangent.......

and no , she isn't..........she is averse to vomited clementines, tis all...

Twiglett unveil yourself!

'waiting for the cleaner to come and iron' like that would be relevant information.

Who would you like to play you in the film, CP?

(She is either real or very convincing.)

Hmmm, I don't think it's that convincing, sadly. It would be so cool if it really was her

She's a 'shiny-faced' mumsnetter!

Let's hash out how the audition's going to go!

Director: Your lines, please.

Candidate: Erm. Oh. Erm. No wait, don't tell me.

'Duck, Magnum! Duck!'

But, am I right in thinking she 'can't risk living there anymore' because of the scientologists and the risk of them summoning further tornadoes?

aaah fuckaaff you bunch of unsympathetic bastards... it's not that easy you know. i've got better things to be doing that pretending to be a po-faced chubby blonde hackette for your entertainment. and i even used capitals and everything.

Greeny?

No, I would have held out much longer than that

if the real CP does show up she won't be able to use her own name. how will we know 'tis her?

although i reserve the right to come back and make further appearances as Caroline... what about a Caroline vs Xenia face-off at the Not Of This WOrld Olympics?

you would, greeny, you would.

I'm sure "homelesshorsefacedhack" is still available

[hurt]

Or "HACKchetface"

or 'VomitedClementines'

OMG just seen this! thanks aitch, very funny!

But how did she manage to fit so much designer furniture up her own arse? (This is where she lives, isn't it?)

it's quite a big arse, to be fair.

pmsl