How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

Oh yes Allalone What is it with the florists? I love daffodils in the spring and could I find any in a florist? NON but there were lots in the parks, gardens etc. It's the dutch apparently who are to blame. I get my flowers from a lovely lady in the market now, they are a quarter of the price.

Shop with a shopping trolley. Place orders with your chosen suppliers by telephone, for later collection.

Reading all these has made me realise my aunty is French, who knew?!

She even has French sounding first and middle names.

Replace the sentence 'we're going to Spain self catering for a fortnight in July' with a twenty minute monologue whenever someone asks you where you're going on holiday.

'Bah, on passe quinze jours dans le Jura chez mes parents et après Jérôme remonte à Paris et moi j'emmène les petits chez ma belle-mère en Vendée et ensuite on pars quatre jours en Bretagne pour la communion de ma nièce et après Gabin pars en week-end de Scouts et Cappucine et Apolline passent une semaine chez ma sœur et après on se retrouve à la Tronche.'
Do not give a fig if you haveodt your audience after two destinations. Repeat every time you get the question. Without fail.

This thread is too funny!

Have many confusing words that sound like others to confuse the foreigners. have very ancient ways of counting after reaching the number 60 which even the Belgians have rationalised.

ALORS!!

I must be French deep down, I only ever drink Rosé with ice.

Cycle to work through city centres in heavy traffic with bare legs, a slim thigh grazing skirt and a neat jacket without batting an eyelid or misplacing a hair.

My old flatmate is French. She used to bring me gouter (Nutella tartine) when we were both studying at home in the afternoon.

And introduced me to white burgundy.

This thread is great. I am off to watch scènes de ménages and un gars une fille on repeat.

I love that T-shirt bonsoir. I suspect you could only get away with it if you are perfectly parisienne born and bred.

Read Chocolat by joanne Harris. I read this in the garden many years ago and wanted to go visit France just for the experience of walking around those a

amazing chocolatier shops

If you have a dog, rename it to a name beginning with the letter of the alphabet assigned to the year it was born.

If there hasn't been a bank holiday for two consecutive weeks, complain.

How do French people know how to switch to spring/summer clothes and colours? It is like there is a secret code. Do they communicate supersonically so only other French people can hear? Everyone suddenly trots out in white summer clothes on the same day! Obviously red or blue suede loafers for the men with a navy blazer and chinos or coloured jeans. Freaks me right out.

I guess you live in Paris Bonsoir there aren't many women on cycles like that round here. EVERYONE is in their car even if they are just popping down to the village to take the kids to school and are STAHMs.

Also all dogs are either in cages or hunting in season. Hardly ever walked properly. Cats just turn up at our door, we feed them.

Oh and when writing, use a minimum of four silent letters per word.

Have exactly the same menu twice (lunch and dinner) in one day at the village Méchoui. Have a lengthy planning meeting for every event which will be exactly the same as the year before.

"Children's food" is "filet de boeuf nature". Usually cooked rare and never well done.

Chastise the staff at your corner bakery when the crust of your baguette is a tad too pale

Get receipts for your petrol and spend as long as you can carefully folding them into your wallet. Don't ever take your purse out of your bag until you have carefully packed away all your shopping. Don't bring a poop a scoop bag when walking your caniche, but remember your cigarettes and sunglasses.

I wondered when andouillette would rear it's pissy-smelling head - yuk.

I have a pretty little jug with a central chamber for ice cubes that I bought after seeing a similar one used to keep rose chilled, it's been in the back of a cupboard for years because even chilled provencal rose wine is bloody awful unless you are drinking it on holiday.

True vindscreen Provencal wine does not travel at all well. Either that or the French keep the best stuff to themselves.

Though the organic non sulphite wine in Saumur is fan bloody tastic (and I'm a one glass every month type of woman) ) there are no headaches with it. I will add that the vigneron has lived in England for a long time!

As is his version of champagne called cremant, great for a lightweight like me at Christmas

Cremant de Loire, ppeat? I'm a former lush wine merchant. Bloody gorgeous stuff and so hard to get hold of in the UK.

We had it last summer for our wedding. Way better than champagne IMO.

My local supermarkets are stuffed with Cremant and Saumur. Agree tis lovely though the recent supply of Sancerre I've just received is dee-vine. There are some advantages to living where I do.

"Render your menfolk totally domestically incompetent as an insurance policy against divorce."

Love this. So true.

(The Sunday Times wine club usually has Cremant on its list)