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Original poster

What would your father do if you were kidnapped by Parisian sex traffickers?

448 replies

MitzyLeFrouf · 15/05/2015 23:07

I'm watching Liam Neeson in Taken as he kicks, wallops and murders his way across Paris in pursuit of his abducted daughter? It's made me wonder what my father would do if such a situation arose.

He's an ex-accountant with a dodgy hip so I'm not sure he'd follow the Neeson method of daughter retrieval. He'd be more likely to start the rescue by putting the kettle on, having a cup of tea and checking the weather forecast in Paris. Then he'd have to phone the 67 relatives to inform them of my perilous situation. By the time he got off the phone to my Auntie Mary my virtue would be long lost.

What would your dear old dad do?

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 16/05/2015 09:45

My Dad would have got in touch with some "friends" who would have rescued me.

DH on the other hand would have hunted them down himself.

headlesslambrini · 16/05/2015 09:53

My dad would be straight on the phone to his MP and the Foreign office. He would then drive to our house to conflab with DH who would of by this stage got all the guns and ammo out and give them a quick clean up ready for use. Together they would then realise that they would have to wait for the travel agents to open so they can book tickets (neither know how to turn a computer on nevermind use the internet) Dad would realise that he left his passport at home and have to go back and get it (3 hrs round trip) DH would be in the pub by now, telling everyone, tbf though they would probably offer to help and spend another hour getting their guns and passports together. Dad would meet up with them and then they would spend 5 hrs travelling to the ferry and hatching a plan. Once in Paris then would book into a hotel and talk very loudly to people.

In the meantime, Dstep mum, sister, auntie and DCs would have flown to Paris, found me and let lose their secret weapon - DD and her constant talking. Im confident that within 5 minutes I would have been released.

MissisBee · 16/05/2015 09:53

My dad would decide to write a carefully worded letter but not be able to work his computer to do it. Of course, it's all the computer's fault for being "broken". He would then carry on with building his model railway and forget all about it.

headlesslambrini · 16/05/2015 09:54

Oh and my auntie would leave the kidnappers in no doubt of how disgusting their behaviour is and what would their mother think of them.

LiviaDruscillaAugusta · 16/05/2015 09:55

My Dad is quite "an eye for an eye" so he would immediately set about kidnapping the bloke's family and get my Mum to take photos of him killing them one by one. They don't know how to work the video camera.

Petitgrain Grin This has literally made me cry with laughter Grin

LiviaDruscillaAugusta · 16/05/2015 09:57

With a few exceptions, it's lovely that there are so many great Dads out there!

DollopTheTrollop · 16/05/2015 09:58

Liam Neespn is a really terrible actor. And I can't usually tell whether someone's a good actor or not.

DollopTheTrollop · 16/05/2015 09:59

Neeson, obvs.

ShatnersBassoon · 16/05/2015 10:08

In English, spoken with a French accent, he'd try to haggle a reduced ransom. Whether he could afford the initial demand or not, he simply couldn't miss the chance to do a deal.

I have so many embarrassing holiday memories - "100 pesetas for Coke? I give you 70. No 100, I give 70. Finito!" His ransom negotiations would finish with 'finito'.

RedCrayons · 16/05/2015 10:14

Mind you if I was kidnapped by Romanian sex traffickers, it would be all my own fault for voting labour, so he wouldn't pay the ransom because they shouldn't be in the EU anyway.

He loves the French though, so he'd pay up to them. After mum had gone to the Post Office to get the Euros obvs.

CatOfTheWoods · 16/05/2015 10:17

My dad would be on the side of the traffickers :( he would advise them not to get caught.

It is nice reading about all these lovely heroic dads though.

I do have a stepdad who would check my insurance was in order before entrapping the perps in a local wetherspoons with an endless monologue about Czech agriculture.

My late FIL would have tackled them with a combination of burning hot pipe ash and garden rake.

fussychica · 16/05/2015 10:25

In his prime he would have been pretty gung ho and hopefully got me out. As an old man he would have used his charm, l've never met anyone who didn't love my dad and who wouldn't do anything to help him. Even at 84 women fell for him. Mind you any negotiation with anyone foreignwould have been in english with him speaking progressively louder if they didn't understand.

BitchPeas · 16/05/2015 10:36

Say oh for fucks sake
Argue with my brother about the best course of action
Shout at my hysterical mother to calm down
Call my brother in law to help
Brother in law would say yes then not turn up as car out of petrol/he had to go to work etc.
argue with my brother again
Then they would all decide it was my fault anyway and I'd be fine, after all I'd probably gone along willingly.

DP on the other hand would murder his way across Paris to rescue me. Smile

hobNong · 16/05/2015 10:38

I don't know what he'd do! Hmm if he actually found out I was gone he'd probably rush round demanding to see his granddaughter. I've not let him see her. I don't think he'd be that bothered about me.

Elllimam · 16/05/2015 10:46

My dad would come and get me :) although my mum would have got there first, murdered the kidnappers and be feeding me cakes and wine to cheer me up :)

TeWiSavesTheDay · 16/05/2015 10:49

My dad would plague the kidnappers with law suits. He'd carefully abide by whatever the police said whilst simultaneously trying to call in every favour with anyone who ever even said they watched a documentary on Paris and therefore might be able to help.
He would definitely remind the kidnappers that he is a worldclass shot.
He would be in Paris there to pick me up and drive me home once the police/private bodyguards rescued me.

He is a great dad!

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 16/05/2015 10:50

This should be in classics! Grin

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 16/05/2015 10:53

My dad would use nonviolent protest by mobilising social media. At #saveshipwreckedfromtheparisians

ThatBloodyWoman · 16/05/2015 10:54

He's dead,so he'd do some paranormal activity stuff on them.
When he was alive he would have phoned the police,then probably dropped off in his chair.

Cocolepew · 16/05/2015 11:01

My dad is ex army and although hes 73 with a dodgy heart, he'd round up his mates, some ex SAS, and head over. He lived and worked in Paris in close protection for years but he'd still need to take my mum because he doesn't understand the Metro.
She'd make sure they stopped at Marks and Spencer from some nice sandwiches first.
My dad would then fit in with the Parisians because he drives like a twat too.
He'd need his mate to work any techy stuff, ie mobile phobe because that's beyond him. But he could still knock someone out with one punch.

Afterwards he'd be home before NCIS started.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 16/05/2015 11:03

Back in the day my DF was a policeman in NI. He would have called his cronies and a deputation would quickly be deployed. Think of a group of Jim McDonald types arriving at the Eiffel Tower laying waste to those in their path with no more than death glares, wooden truncheons and NI accents.

Quite frankly the traffickers would be glad to hand me over rather than have to listen to this lot.

Nowadays, DF would still want to rescue me as he would go to the ends of the earth for me, but he just can't. He would worry himself into an early grave instead. But it's ok because DH would come get me (having been supplied with plenty of sandwiches for the trip by mother) before that happened. Phew.

DuncanQuagmire · 16/05/2015 11:07

email me a map of Paris and a Eurostar timetable.
Send some cash.
Spend rest of day sweating profusely, possibly with a visit to church to pray.

ThatBloodyWoman · 16/05/2015 11:07

I don't think my dh would come and rescue me,since my dad can't.
I'd go on the 'to do' list.

FancyForgetting · 16/05/2015 11:11

My dad would check the John Lewis and Which websites to see if the kidnappers were the best value for money.

He would then pay them (over the phone, never online), insisting it was his turn (even though he had paid the last 3 times) a la Mrs Doyle and her friend when they visit The Mainland in Father Ted.

He would sit down with a piece of cake and totally forget to mention it to mention my mother, while reminiscing in great detail about stuff that happened years ago. He might remember when he rang me to tell me all about it and I didn't answer Confused

He would be really, really happy to see me again though. And the only thing he has (or ever had) in common with Liam Neeson is that they're both Irish Grin

IsabellaofFrance · 16/05/2015 11:13

My Dad would wonder why I had gone to France in the first place, since its full of forriners. He would explain calmly that if I had gone to Southend, this would not have happened.

He would not come and rescue me, as this would involve leaving the county of Essex, something he hasn't done since circa 1996.