I am everything you hate about people on the internet. I am here to help.

[Blacklight]

I am male, mid 20's and grew up with this technology.
Wondering what something means?
Wondering how to do something?
Wondering how your kids did something?
Wondering if you should let your kids do something?

I think you should build a portal to the End or The Nether and bring some ghast and blaze back to it sort out.

I'll collect the condensate - do you think they'll Like it more if I offer it in a Skylanders bowl?

I think the unicorns are training an army - the living room seems a bit noisier and I'm pretty sire I heard someone shout "KILL IT! NOW!". I'm worried they've seized control of the Lego bricks and are making some sort of war machine.

The ocelot will help. I'll use it as my first line of defence.

In the meantime, I'll sit by the window, keeping an eye out for backlight to fly in and help me remedy this situation.

Now you'll need to bear in mind that I'm a woman in her 30s, so it's up to you whether you take the advice or not (thought it was only fair to warn you), but I'm pretty sure the Skylanders Bowl will buy you an extra 20-30mins between tributes. So IMO it's worth using one if you can.

Is there any way you can get your hand on some stickle bricks? They're excellent deterents against lego aggressors, although if the lego has already mobilised it may be too late. In which case, may God have mercy on us all.

No sticklebricks unfortunately - although I do have some plastic teaspoons in the kitchen drawer, i would make some sort fo crude catapult if I can get hold of something elastic????

The Scalextric is in the Living room, a definite no-go area. I peeked round the door a while ago and a drone flew by :/

I'm not sure how much more we can do for you :(

If only Blacklight would help...

What do you have to hand? Is there any way you could fashion some sort of rudimentary lathe?

do you think there's some sort of signal we can send out to call him? Like the bat signal?

Have you tried saying "Blacklight" three times in front of a mirror?

Ttake the end caps off a fluorescent tube and wash off all the powder on the inside of the tube; once you've cleaned it all off put it back together. Plug it in and I'll be right there.

It's the three times into the mirror incantation! I knew it. Works every time!

I've barricaded myself in the kitchen now.

I haven't got a fluorescent tube, all I have now is a rolling pin and hope!

p.s. the ocelot (turns out he's called Joey, Magrat)is hungry and all I've got to feed it is some doritos...

I knew I shouldn't have tried to use the webnet.... WHAT DO I DOOOO?

...wait, I'vebeen calling him BACKlight all this time?

No wonder I'm not allowed to use the netweb.

Or...

I'd replace the image, though.
Maybe for that of a unicorn. Or a Equus africanus asinus

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horace goes skiing...
manic miner....

don't idolise the unicorn, he's in charge of tyrannical empire, that now extends to the dining room, and the lego figures are now the slaves building monument to him on the table

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Cardboard, ElectricalBanana?! We dreamed of cardboard. We 'ad to use leaves.

Have you tried gaffer tape, Binary? Most things in life can be solved with gaffer tape I find.

we lived under a leaf....in a gutter!

You were lucky! We only had a brown paper bag and their were 16 of us!