Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

[TonytheFish]

20 years later, this still makes me wonder why I was such an odd child!

I was a bit shy granted, but still...

In 2nd year seniors, start of the new school year, new art class and teacher, everyone gets in and sits down at new desks, I was the last one in...and my spot at the table had no chair!

So, did I mention to the teacher that there was no chair! nope.

What I did, was sort of crouch down, into some fake sitting position and stay there for the entire double period! Pretending to sit! As if no one would notice...!

It is this sort of thing, that means I will never ever attend a school reunion!

We used to crank call boys all the time - we were always hanging around the phone box! Once we rang this lad from our year and he wasn't the brightest...my friend pretended to be called Janet (wtf, what kids are called Janet in the 90s!) and that she was a distant cousin from oop north. He believed every word of it and wanted to meet up...bless!

We also used to ring Childline and make up stories (I'm so ashamed of this now, what time wasters!) and once my friend got caught by her mum and got such a bollocking!

We also used to pretend to be foreign - down the park once we were pretending to be french and the other kids sussed us out because we didn't know what trousers was in french!! Funny what you remember because now I'll never forget what is it!

A girl in my class came from the rough part of town and she used to always go shop lifting on a saturday in town (or "choring" as the yoofs used to call it). She made me steal something once and I was absolutely petrified I'd get caught but I couldn't say no because a) u know what peer pressure is like and b)she might have thumped me!! So we were loitering in Lush (or cosmetics to go as it was known as then) and I decided to nick a bathbomb...but not just any bathbomb, it had a massive long traily thing hanging off the end so I was frantically trying to stuff it up my sleeve before I got caught! I literally spent the rest of the day quaking in my boots incase security found out. It was my one and only run in with shop lifting!!

When we were about 15 we used to hang out in my friends bedroom listening to late night love in the dark and trying to make ourselves cry to all the power ballads. Lame!!

Cut my own fringe so badly, I resembled Peter Gabriel when he was in Genesis.

'Made' perfume out of rose petals.

Pretended my toy vacuum cleaner was a machine gun and raced around the neighbourhood 'killing' everyone.

Chewed everything (tables, dolls etc)- I was a nervous kid.

Ate loo roll because I liked the taste.

Used to pretend our nylon carpet was an ice rink and skated around it.

Used to rub my knuckles really hard on the bed sheets to get burns.

Used to freak my mum out my hiding and giggle at the poor woman searching the house for me.

Pretended to cook with bath foam.

We used to phone up a local pirate radio station and ask them to do a "shout out" to our "homies". Except that we'd give the names of our cat/toy etc. They still read it all out on air though. We used to almost wet ourselves laughing.

at singing Last Christmas in the style of Cher!!

Lol at My New Name is David Fawcett!

Oh gods..

I knelt on the bathroom floor and rubbed my head on the carpet until I had a huge red sore welt - I had a scab for weeks. WHY? No idea, I remember clearly having no reason whatsoever - it was purely an experiment. - aged between 5 and 9.

Rather than put my hand up and interrupt the grey, ashen faced, tall and, to a 5 yr old, incredibly scary, headmaster's speech, I wet myself silently in the middle of school assembly one morning, sitting cross legged on a wooden floor, at the front. My sister, sitting on chairs at the back (she was in the oldest class by then, while I was in the youngest) was called upon to remove me and sort me out, she refused. (Hell, if the situation was reversed...) - must have been 5.

Secretly took a dump in the compost heap (I wiped with dock leaves) even though the house was only 100 yards away (it felt like a long walk at the time) - for that outdoors feeling I guess, sometime during primary school.

Those are the things I remember doing but even at the time, there was no deep reason. I hope.

8yo me and a friend used to slide in our socks on the kitchen floor.

We decided it needed something to make it more slippy so we each took a pack of butter out of the fridge and got to work covering the lino in butter!

We were gutted it din't work, but not as gutted as my poor mum when she came in and saw what we had done!!!!

I have been sniggering and snorting, shaking with giggles here at work! This thread had made my day! Thankyou!

I'm another one who sharpened her pinky. Took half my nail off [wince]

I once took a bite out of a new bar of soap. I was about 11. My mum, who I think was beginning to suspect I was a bit 'touched', asked why, and I said it looked so smooth and perfect I had to destroy it. Think that answer worried her quite a bit actually.

And I remember one time reading a few old kids books where the punishment for bad behaviour was having to cut the grass with a pair of scissors. 'Interesting idea,' thinks I, and set out to the (front) garden with a pair of nail scissors and set to work. In half an hour I'd cut about an inch and had blisters all up my fingers when my dad came out and went spare.

I was weird fucking kid.

Painted myself with a whole tin of gloss blue paint i found on a dump because We had just been doing about Boudicca and woad at junior school. Had no idea it wouldn't wash off.

I used to take our goat (on a chain for a lead) for a walk in the woods next to my house because I wanted a dog. We got a dog.

To this day I have no idea why but when I was at school, we used to line up in the playground and take turns having someone come up behind us and squeeze their arms round us until we passed out. There used to be a whole row of us laid out on the ground - god knows why the teachers didn't stop us - it used to happen regularly.

At around 7/8 I was crocheting and decided to sew my fingers together on one hand. So I gently pierced the skin with the needle and threaded my chosen thread colour through them. Teacher caught me and in my surprise I ended up ripping the thread straight out of my fingers. It hurt. A lot.

I was a bright kid, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

I didn't like maths at secondary school, and I didn't work as hard as the teacher would have liked. So, when I arrived at my maths class and realised I'd forgotten my exercise book, I realised I'd be in trouble if I didn't think of something fast. Luckily, we were doing SMP, and as a result, worked by ourselves.

So as the rest of the class knuckled down, I pretended I hadn't quite found my book yet and was still having to look for it. As I hadn't attracted the teacher's attention, I carried on 'searching'.

Still not a flicker of interest from the teacher, who was seated about 12 feet away.

I spent a full half hour lesson frowning and rummaging through my school bag, imagining that I'd fooled him.

I used to really want long hair and so used a piece of cut off material to make myself a "plait" which I would add to my pony tail. (kind of like make-shift hair extensions).

Only the material was from Laura Ashley, was navy blue with big yellow daffodils. I used to wear this IN PUBLIC.

My friend and I also staged a demonstration entitled "We want a dog". We both marched around the block with signs made from post-it notes and rulers and stood at the junction to the main road chanting "We want a dog, we want a dog". Amazingly, her parents bought her one. Jealous, I used to accompany on the dog walks with my own version - a stone tied to a piece of string.

I have always been very good at accents and aged about 12 on a campsite in France, decided to tell the other children I met that I was from Liverpool. This meant I had to speak in a Scouse accent for three weeks' solid. Unfortunately, I had no answer to the question why my siblings were not scouse, or why, when they asked for my address at the end of the trip, that my house was in Yorkshire.

Going to the clinic and getting free condoms which we would blow up and put under jumper. We would be out in public like this and the offending pregnant one would be insulted and called a ho by the others!!!
We were not Sexually active but sex was a big part.

We all had fake names. Mine was Britney and we would speak in an American accent.

Sucking own arms to get love bites which were given by a made up 21 year old boyfriend who I used to pretend to call in a phone box.

I once told the class I had three phone lines in my bedroom. Caught out when someone came for dinner.

When Tiffany had Courtney in eastenders we re enacted the birth scenes with jumpers stuffed up our tshirts.

I would put an old bursted bowling ball down my top and stand at the bedroom window rubbing it hoping passersby would think I was pregnant.

We lived in flats and we would throw cups of water at people walking past.

These are so embarrassing and I have loads.

What a great Sunday morning, reading all these, bloody brilliant! I was a complete knob and have many memories of doing stupid things. My stand out one though, is the time, aged about 10 that I decided I hated my whole family and came up with a cunning plan to kill them all
I was the only one who didn't like gravy, so my plan involved poisoning the gravy, whilst the meat juices were sitting on the worktop in a jug to separate, I added a really generous squirt of washing up liquid. Strangely Dad noticed whilst making the gravy and thus my cunning plan failed
It still gets trotted out by my parents at every opportunity, it was the first bloody thing they told DH. "Nice to meet you, has mypoo told you about the time she tried to kill us all?"

Noel your spitting at abandoned puppies had me in absolutes stitches.

In the early 2000's when it was fashionable to wear your hair gelled back into a severe ponytail but leave two straggly pieces at the front, I decided that it would be amazing if I bleached the front bits, a la Rogue from X-Men. Of course I had no idea how to do this and the naturally dark brown hair was left bright orange and frizzy. Dismayed, I used my mum's brown mascara to hide the evidence every day for months, thinking that no-one would suspect anything of my crispy, streaky bits of hair.

A girl I'm still friends with now once grabbed it and commented that it "felt like horse hair" and I was so embarrassed I excused myself from the lesson and went home

Aged 6 I decided orange space hoppers were common so I got hold of a can of my Dads silver car spray paint and locked myself in the boxroom.
I was as high as a kite when my Mum found me half an hour later

My cousin lived on a main road and we used to write notes that said 'You nosey bastard!' and put them in an envelope marked 'To my love' and leave them on the pavement. We'd then watch, giggling from behind her bedroom curtains to see who would pick it up and read it. To this day I wonder why that was funny.

Did you all grow up relatively normal?

My friend and I set his mums budgie on fire by accident.

Then one day we decorated the cage with his mums underwear. The budgies sat in the middle looking horrified. We left a photo of her son to incriminate him.

The budgies left eventually and flew away. She said it was our fault.

Me and my brother used to put our hamsters on the ceiling fan because we assumed they would enjoy it. Like a fair ground ride. Til one hit the window and died. My mum still brings that up to this day she was not happy.

I remember my brother coming home too. Age 6 or 7. Sobbing. Totally distraught. My mum askednhim what the matter was.

He said he was sorry but hed been SO naughty in class that the head mistress wanted to see my mum but hed lost the letter she gave him requestig a meeting.

My mum asked what hed done. He wouldnt say. Continued sobbing.

My mum was cross. She said he was not having his treat at the weekend and would be going to bed early every night and no games etc.

He continued sobbing.

My mum goes in to school the next day. Brither is sobbing again.

She cant find the head mistress so goes to his teacher and asks what has happened.

Teacher asks what she means.

Mum says well why does mrs s want to see me? Whats K done he says hes been naughty in class and she wants to see me.

Teacher:...... K is good as gold I dont know what you mean!

To this day he doesnt know why he told my mum hed been naughty!

hamsters on the ceiling fan.... Like a fair ground ride Coffee all over my keyboard now