Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

[TonytheFish]

20 years later, this still makes me wonder why I was such an odd child!

I was a bit shy granted, but still...

In 2nd year seniors, start of the new school year, new art class and teacher, everyone gets in and sits down at new desks, I was the last one in...and my spot at the table had no chair!

So, did I mention to the teacher that there was no chair! nope.

What I did, was sort of crouch down, into some fake sitting position and stay there for the entire double period! Pretending to sit! As if no one would notice...!

It is this sort of thing, that means I will never ever attend a school reunion!

When I started my first job after school meals were provided, the first mealtime it was roast pork, I was too shy and nervous to say I didn't like it so lied and said I was vegetarian, I then had to keep it up because the cook was lovely and made me special meals every day because I was the only vegetarian.
It was a small company so I had to carry the lie on all the time at work.

I worked there for 10 years!
I am socially akward anyway so didn't know how to fix the lie and was a part time vegetarian for 10 years!

I still get a bit twitch about eating meat in front of people!

When I was in Primary, I was obsessed with The Wizard of Oz. We had a rug in our front room with a border around it, I spent hours skipping around it pretending it was the yellow brick road. I had a toy pull along dog called Toto, I used to feed him yoghurt, he smelt divine. I would only wear red shoes that had to 'click' when I walked, shoe shopping must have been an ordeal for my mother. I would only answer to 'Dorothy' including teachers and all family and friends. I can still recite whole scenes from the film!

When I was a bit older 8 or 9, I became fascinated with Vampires. I once saw a figure through a window in our local church whilst riding past on my bike. Of course it was probably the Vicar but I was convinced it was Count Dracula himself. He had obviously come to the area as he was madly and deeply in love with me. He wanted to make me a vampire and run away with me. I told everyone about this, quite matter of fact. I had seen him after all. I was a brownie at the time, we would sometimes go into the church for services and activities etc, I would leave love notes hidden in bibles for the Count.

When I was a teen the Rachel from Friends hair cut was all the rage. Instead of asking my mum if I could go to the hairdressers I did it myself. Snip snip snip. I thought I looked fabulous, I actually looked like a deranged hedgehog.

I told my friends I had broken my back in the summer hols and had to wear a back brace. I stole one of my Nan's girdles to make this more believable. The lie fell apart when I proudly unveiled my girdled torso to the PE teacher to get out of gym. I can still recall how violently her shoulders shook with laughter.

Not me, but I used to walk home from school every day with a girl who lived on the next street, she would have been about 12 or 13 at the time.

She really really wanted a dog, and having not managed to convince her parents that they should get one, started musing about the possibility of getting one and hiding it in the wardrobe!!

I tried to point out that it would need walking, and bark, and need food and stuff but she was convinced that she could train it not to be quiet and sneak it out for walks in the dead of night when her parents were asleep

Me and my sister used to have competitions to see who could smack each other's bum the hardest

I once decided to secretly take groceries, one at a time, from the kitchen and hide them in my bedroom, so that after a few weeks (or months), I could present my mum with a full (and free!) week's shopping and she'd be really pleased with me! I got as far as hoarding a tin of 'toast toppers' in my wardrobe and then got bored with the idea.

We had a home made slot machine, one of us would sit in the wardrobe while the other two slotted plastic counters through the gap between the doors.When the person inside the wardrobe decided that they had WON! they would push some counters back under the doors.

When i was finally allowed to wear tights i used to "wash" them by sticking my feet in the bathroom sink with a bit of soap and water.

thisway I love your home made slot machine idea

This is the funnuest thread I've ever read, I've just answered the door to the UPS man with tears and mascara running down my face.

I also phoned the operator and asked for Busby.

I used to kick the phone box and all the 2p's would come out. Then I would use them to phone random numbers for a chat.

Pretended I was foreign to shopkeepers.

I used to ask people the time , when they told me I would look at my own watch and say "yes that is, correct" and walk off .

When we lived in Germany it was all flats. I would go around until I found one's with prams outside the door and ask if I could take the baby for a walk. I was 7 or 8 and nobody ever said no .

I Tippexed my teetth to make them white .

In the 80's the was a craze for growing a skinny little plait, the rest of the hair was kept short. A girl in my history class had got her really long hair cut and so hadareally long plait. She sat in front of me and I reached over the desk and cut it one day. I have no idea why. I was 15

Oh and the worse was when we were in Germany there was a football match involving us, the British Army agains some Germans, I dont know if they were Army too . It was to help to promote better relations between us.

I went into a tank and popped my head up yelling Heil Hitler and giving the Nazi salute.

I've remembered more.

I used to get my friend to slam the desklid down on my at to tryoto break it. I was deperate for a cast.

When I was 15 I used the hose of the hoover to suck on my face, neck, arms and legs.
I went to school the next day completely covered in perfect bruise circles.

Cocolepew I tired to lift my bed, and then drop the leg onto my wrist to break it so I could have a cast!! Luckily I was weak and got the bed all of a mm off the floor!

I stole my mums fake tan and used it on my legs before bed, 1980 era, when i got up for school i realised if i had a shower it would all wash off, so i just had a fanny wash with a flannel.
It wasnt until i got to school hip 14 year old that i was , that a friend noted the water had run down my legs leaving run lines all over i was mortified.
Aged about 8 i was invited to a friends house to see her puppy, i completely lost track of time and when i arrived home late i said i had been kept in school for a detention. My mum went mad and stated she should be informed of any late nights etc and she would go to the school the next day and speak to the head master .
The next day she duly saw the head master and i was summoned to tell my tale i was so scared i wet myself,

Such a funny thread. bubblebabeuk, your description of poor little Tiny Tears has just about finished me off.

Thank you mn, for teaching me weird is normal.

Have done the sticking your finger in the car lighter thing to see how hot it is. Very

I bit my best friend's mum's nose once. I was sleeping over at their house when I was 8-9, she bent down to give me a kiss goodnight, and I, er, bit her nose. I was instantly remorseful. I remember doing it, but even then I don't think I knew why!

Inspired by George's Marvellous Medicine, me and the same friend used to spend hours making 'potions' out of anything and everything we could find- shampoo, toothpaste, bleach, miracle grow etc etc. The initial idea was to feed it to a teacher we didn't like so she would either become nice like Miss Honey or sprout feathers and walk like a chicken (which would be the most hilarious thing ever), and we adjusted our mixture accordingly. After a few goes of making potion over several months, we decided that we might get into trouble if this didn't have the desired effect on the (poor) teacher , so we decided to test it on an unsuspecting friend. We put some in an old Body Shop bottle, addressed it to her and put it through her door. There were flaws in the logic to put it mildly, but we secretly checked this poor girl for feathers for weeks before giving up. She never mentioned the weird Body Shop 'special promotion' in our handwriting and we finally stopped laughing at her suspected mild chicken walk. This girl is a famous actress now. We're not still in touch .

This thread is brilliant!

Before mobile phones existed me and my friend would stand in phone boxes that were next to each other and make reverse charge phonecalls to each other. We thought it was hilarious. We did it so much that the operators got to recognise our voices and would tell us off.

My friend and I found some condoms in my Dad's drawer aged about 10. We put one on the tap to make a 'water balloon' and it got bigger and bigger until it was bulging massively over the side of the sink. We didn't know what to do so we tied a knot and with one of us each side lifted it up and tried to flip it into the bath but it exploded mid air... Luckily the parents found it amusing so we didn't get too told off apart from for drenching the carpet!

Oh and whoever up thread mentioned sucking the Game Gear cable and getting an electric shock... I also managed to do this... Tastes horrible doesn't it?!

Deranged hedgehog

Aged about 7 I made up a story about how my dad and I had come across a broken down car on the way to school.

I told her that we didn't have a rope to tow the car with so instead my dad had slowly driven up behind it until gently touching, and pushed it up the hill.

I wasn't at all prone to making up stories so no idea why I would make up this particular one, or why I thought my friend would be impressed by it.

My mum still has my 'news' book from primary one. Lots of normal looking pages of things we had done as a family. Then there is a random tale of the weekend I spent helping my dad with the lifeboat. Complete with drawing of stick people on boat and a note that I had been saving people. I still feel embarrassed about the lie.

There is also the time my friend and I decided it wasn't fair we didn't have any pubes yet, so drew them on with a mascara wand. It looked quite good until I put my pants back on and it smudged. Can't remember how I explained that one to my mum

Oh, also used to phone 192 for chats. Our highlight was getting a guy who found us funny and spending ages signing him Christmas carols. Must have been about 8 of us crammed in the phone box.

I used to enjoy walking with my eyes shut (I still do this sometimes when I'm in a park...I am now 45!).

When i was about 9 I went through a phase of collecting my wee and storing it in one of the unused cupboards in the bathroom, i had about 2 liters stored!!!!!). I have no idea why I was keeping it. One day it was gone and I was shitting myself going downstairs expecting a bollocking from my Mum, but she didn't say thing.

I went to boarding school and the only way you could get a day off was to actually be sick. I needed to be sick because I'd not done my prep. So I ate the contents of 3 tubes of toothpaste. I've never felt so ill in my entire life.

Although we'd never read any of her work, a male friend and I used to find the name Maeve Binchy hilarious. I've no idea why, but I vaguely remember us thinking Binchy sounded like a euphemism for lady parts.

I'm ashamed to admit this! One day, we decided to pose as a supremely nerdy married couple called Arthur and Thora Bindt and wrote her a fan letter about our society (The Maeve Binchy Book Club of Greater Bognor). I think we also enclosed one of "Arthur"'s godawful poems about her.

To our surprise, Arthur and Thora received a postcard back from old Maeve. I'm sure she must have sussed it was a pisstake, so hats off to her for replying...