Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

[TonytheFish]

20 years later, this still makes me wonder why I was such an odd child!

I was a bit shy granted, but still...

In 2nd year seniors, start of the new school year, new art class and teacher, everyone gets in and sits down at new desks, I was the last one in...and my spot at the table had no chair!

So, did I mention to the teacher that there was no chair! nope.

What I did, was sort of crouch down, into some fake sitting position and stay there for the entire double period! Pretending to sit! As if no one would notice...!

It is this sort of thing, that means I will never ever attend a school reunion!

When I was about 13, I went on a summer music course which ended with a disco. The fashion at the time was for long dresses. I didn't have one but when we were in M and S my mother bought me a long nightie to wear at the disco, claiming that "no-one will know the difference"

Of course several girls came up to me and said "Oh we saw that in M and S but thought they were nighties"

I have never been so mortified in my life and slunk off shortly afterwards

In senoir school we used to connect up a crocodile clip and wire to each end of a battery, then attach the two crocodile clips to either side of a penny coin. We'd then wait a few minutes for the penny to get red hot, unclip it, pick it up with tweezers and throw it out onto the courtyard a floor below us. All the juniors playing out there used to hear the noise as it landed and used to race to pick up the lovely free money first. Oh how we laughed.
We were little shits.

Oh god just remembered another one

I wasn't quite a kid technically anyway. I kept a diary when I was 16 in which I made a list of all the boys i had erm slept with (to my Shame there was already about 6 ) and ranked them in order of how good / shit they were in bed

Well I was obviously not very carefu at hiding it as my MUM found it whilst I was at school :(((((((( and read the lot. I was summons into the kitchen and she read it aloud. Mortified does not even BEGIN to cover it.

I used to eat blu tak as my mum banned me from having chewing gum as it was 'common'

I wrote endless love letters to Robin Cousins during the 1980 winter Olympics and hid them under my mattress until my mum found them when she next changed my bed - and then helpfully laid them all out on my duvet (oh the shame!)

I dressed my sister in peasant type clothes, including headscarf (she was 3) and dragged her round with me door to door selling 'grasses and lucky heather' gleaned from our local park..

Continuing with the peasant theme, I made my sister drink gruel soup and we pretended we were poor

I made my sister - still aged 3, (!) carry me 10 times round our hideous yellow circular rug in the lounge on her back as a 'horse'. If she started to buckle I would whip her with one of my dads gardening canes !!!

She still does talk to me most of the time

I used to chew little bits of coloured paper hankies and swallow. One night I must have had an upset tummy and threw up straight after eating a few bits. My Dad saw the little coloured pieces and thought it was hamster food. I must have thought eating hamster food was less embarrassing than bits of tissue so agreed that must have been what made me sick

I ate dog biscuits. The black ones were my favourites.

Oh, and I told everyone at school my cousin was Julie (the Cello player from Fame) and the weekend she had been on Saturday Superstore she had stayed at my parents house as she didn't want to be bothered by the press

Cue some older girls harassing me to meet her until I confessed in tears I had made it up

They bullied me from that day until I left that school, it tainted my whole middle school career [sad}

Desperate to 'get high' at the age of about 11, but not entirely sure of how to go about getting, gasp, DRUGS, I raided the kitchen cupboard which contained herbs. I found a whole nutmeg in a jar with a little grater, and proceeded to solemly grate it and eat the shavings, topped off with a bit of cardamom - I did feel rather strange afterwards.

Smoked cinnamon roll ups with a friend, (there's a trend here) and burned some religious magazines targeted at young Christians which our church had given us - not entirely sure why, we didn't particularly object to them.

Often walked with a limp because I thought it gave me gravitas. Love this thread

I ate dog biscuits too!

I can still remember the taste of Bonios...

Also raw sausages. I used to squeeze the insides out and eat them. I feel sick at the thought...

I also went through a phase of collecting car number plates. I had several notebooks worth before I got bored. I mean, why? No other details, just the reg no.

Decided one day that nobody was allowed to walk on my left. No reason. I kept it up for ages and would dramatically freak out when anyone did. Which was a lot, obviously!

I still occasionally feel a bit weird about it now..

Oh lord, this thread is magnificent

My contribution: when early teens I, for some reason, decided to cut myself a fringe. It went badly wrong. I ended up cutting a little triangle of hair at the front of my head completely down to the scalp. Then, as it looked so fucking weird, shaved it each day so people wouldn't notice. Then had to apply powder...so people wouldn't notice.

God knows what people thought of that.

I ate the woollen hair off my Holly Hobbie doll, and suck the gluey scalp.

My brother (3 years older than me) had a game which he used to always beat me at, so I swallowed all the ball bearings out of it so it wouldn't work.

I stood on the side of the bath with the plastic light pull in my mouth and jumped to see what happened. (A bleeding mouth.)

I really wanted to have a broken bone so I could have a cast. When I was about 5 I wrapped my arm really badly in my uncle's masking tape and insisted on going out to the shops like that with my Nanna. I was convinced everyone would think it was a real cast. I got the sulks in the butcher's shop because no-one had mentioned it and my Nanna had to ask the butcher to ask me about it. I was then very pleased and proud.

My friend and I got my Granddad to record our 'pop song' when I was about 6. We thought we were like Bananarama. The words were 'I want my bad boy, I want my bad boy, my bad booyyyyyyy'. I am tone deaf. Every now and then my grandparents would find the recording and play it.

I had a hedgehog collection and made my little brother learn all their names. I used to test him on them. I had over 300. I also used to set up shops in my bedroom and make my family come in and buy the 'beautiful' things I had made from Fimo or toys I no longer wanted.

At school we thought that if crayons said they were 'non-toxic' then it was OK to eat them and gnawed away merrily. I got into a lot of trouble for getting my brother to pretend he was a little animal who needed to be fed on his new Christmas present crayons.

I grew up in the days of Candid Camera and Jeremy Beadle. There was a station nearby that had a telephone booth both sides. We used to phone the booth the other side and when someone answered we told them they were on Candid Camera and get them to dance, pretend to be a frog, strip off. Strangely enough, most people complied...

And I thought I was the only crazy kid....

Yama
I did the whole 'put pressure on your eyes and see patterns' thing (wtf)
I shared this phenomenon with my nearly as weird friend, both of aged 6, but pushed my closed eyes against my arm and pretended it was a psychedelic TV. I turned the 'TV' off and on by pinching my arm
I told my mum and she told me not to, in case it damaged my eyes.
I nibbled the corners of my neon hued rubbers, I felt sick.
I ate the body shop dewberry lip balm that my mum gave me, felt sick again.
I pretended to 'fry an egg' on the lit lighbulb of my mum's bedside lamp using vaseline handcream.
It made a satisfying scorched smell
I fed my open mouthed doll with baked beans
I wanted a Baby Born doll so badly aged 4 (I wish I begged just a bit more, I might have got it ) I still want one now searches Ebay for a 1996 edition
My mum was wise about it's bodily functions, but my argument was that my baby brother weed on the carpet anyway.
My older friend enticed me with her Baby Born, and subsequently tested my gulibility by doing a poo in the toilet herself and pretending it was the doll.
I wanted one so I could see it pop a proper curly one out and potentially use its wetting facility as a hybrid water pistol.

.

Play Charlie's angels with my best friend. The game always ended with us going in separate bedrooms and pretending to shag our imaginary boyfriends.
I was crying on the school bus home (did not find school easy, wonder why?) When the other kids were teasing me for crying, I announced it was because I hadjust seen God, which weirdly didn't make the next 3 years any easier....
Spend HOURS recording little plays by speaking really slowly and then play it back with the pause button halfway down so it sounded like the chipmunks..

Love this thread.....

I strapped the parcel shelf (it was in two bits after i pretended to be a dog and tried to curl up on it) to DB arms, put a skateboard helmet on him and convinced him he would be able to fly if he jumped off the shed.... Luckily my mum caught us and stopped him from actually jumping... He was 4 lol

I had a tiny tears that you fed water and she would wee, for some reason i wanted her to poop as well so carefully filled her with wheatabix mushed up with milk (i thought it looked like poop) needless to say it didnt come out as expected, so rather than get in trouble i stuffed it under the bed.... 3 months on and DM is investigating the rotting corpse smell coming from my bedroom and found tiny tears with mould growing out if her eyes and mouth and through her hair follicules up each strand of synthetic hair, looked like a horrific hair dye job.

When i was 4, i wanted a bottle to use to feed my baby, rather than ask like a sane person, i found a chair, then put a stool on top, then topped that with three books and our toilet step thing to enable me to reach the cupboard above the oven housing, helped myself to the bottle of benylin (yep newly opened so full and pre child proof caps) obviously i couldnt use it full that would be silly and wasteful to throw it down the sink and if i am honest i loved the taste so... Yep you guessed it i drank the lot, then had to spend two days in hospital having had my stomach pumped... Cant touch the stuff without retching now though... And my poor DM had loads of explaining to do.

We also had a game involving secretly clipping pegs onto people to see how many we could manage before getting caught, many was the time my parents went out unsuspectingly wearing loads of pegs on their backs... Worse of all we still do this when we get together at christmas etc... Not a clue why its so funny...

Just remembered another one.....

I was a huge fan of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory book as a child....and fascinated by the fact that Violet Beauregarde used to stick her chewing gum behind her ear at mealtimes etc......

You've guessed the rest haven't you?

Took the hairdresser ages to cut it out and make me look presentable again!

I used to keep my finger nail clippings and show people when they came round!!!! Didnt even remember this until i was reminded as a teenager. How embarrasing.

My friends and I found a human poo inside a climbing frame/slide thing at a playground. It had to be human because you had to climb a ladder to get into the little house bit. So naturally, being mature and sensible 12 year olds, we set fire to it (the poo, not the play equipment) with a lighter and a can of hairspray.

What do we learn from this?

1. Poo does not burn well.
2. We were bloody bonkers.

Oh god, there were lots involving my little brother. I was pretty awful to him. One summer when we were camping, my brother (then maybe 7 or 8 years old) didn't want to go to the loos, as they stank. So, instead, I egged him on to go for a poo behind one of the porta cabin kind of things, while I "kept watch". He carefully took off his jacket, hat and gloves (it was a chilly autumn evening) and squatted. I nearly pissed myself laughing when I realised that he had accidentally backed up too far and was actually now squatting on his discarted clothes. Result: a mortified DB, an entertained (but scolded by DPs) me, and a poo covered jacket, set of gloves and hat (it was a big poo that rolled about). Neither the hat or the gloves were ever worn again, as they were now known as the poo hat and poo gloves (even after washing, of course).

Remember Puff the magic dragon ??

Well me and dp (( known each other since I was very young )) Got hold of the local drug dealers phone number and would spend many a happy hour singing the song down the phone, only we'd replace puff with 'judge the magic nostril'.

We'd also leave stories of mr and mrs nose and their baby nostrils on his answering machine. He was Scottish and I can still hear him screeching, ' Ya wee fuckers, am gonna find ye, and when I do am gonna facking kill yus'.

I wanted a dog, so would often bring random ones home.

When that failed I decided a cat would slip in more unnoticed.......that also failed.

Mother finally got fed up of fending off irate cat owners so got me one, me and my friends would dress her up in dolls clothes and push her around in a silver cross dolls pram, being a bit thick and very lazy, she was more than happy to comply.

If it had been raining we'd stand on the wall beside the phone box and scrape the water onto the head of whoever came out.

The list goes on.......I will be back !!