You daft apeth

[Kasterborous]

No, not you but I heard this phrase yesterday and haven't heard it for ages. We used to say it when anyone had done something daft, but in a lighthearted way.

Another old favourite is 'crosspatch' as in 'don't be a crosspatch' when someone is being -well - cross.

He looked like a matchstick with the wood scraped off / his legs were like knots on cotton! (He was thin)

Do you want a slap across the belly with a wet fish? /a poke in the eye with a sharp stick? (God knows what these meant!)

Stop standing there like Piffy on a rock bun (stop standing there looking gormless)

There's enough blue sky to make a pair of sailor's trousers (stop moaning - the weather's not that bad)

All from my Mancunian family

I don't know about the finny haddock border on sky blue pink.

Where I come from it's sky blue pink and red all over.

And a seasonal one. What are you waiting for? Christmas? To those who won't get a move on, or indeed a wriggle on.

Wouldn't get to hell in a handcart is also another favourite....

That won't butter no parsnips, meaning that won't get you much money

My family come from East London and Hertfordshire and my Nan and Mum used 'all fur coat and no knickers' as above and 'all kippers and curtains' when I was a child which mean the same thing of someone pretending to have more money than they actually have.

My Grandad used to say 'how's yer luck?' in greeting, I think I've the only other place I've heard it though was in 'Only Fools and Horses' and he would use cack handed for clumsy.

They also used 'more front than Blackpool' (which I suppose could be similar to the above but I think it means audacity/cheekiness) and my Grandad used 'cow son when he was drunk (he was too polite to use it when he was sober!), pony and monkey for sums of money and a kite for a cheque.

My Mum used 'cloth ears' when we were children and not listening also 'deaf as a post' (bit of a theme there!)

Laquila the ones like 'better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick', were used (by us anyway) when you had to do something you didn't want to do, or if you'd stubbed your toe, or cut your finger

We used to say that one Orangesanddemons about 'what you waiting for, christmas? Then when it was very nearly Christmas we said 'what are you waiting for, next Christmas?'

Natasha - did you have 'half a dollar' for five shillings?(25p) Wish we had the same exchange rate now. And 'a farthingsworth', a v small quantity.

My family were cockney, thought 'pee' and 'wee' were a bit rude. They said 'diddle' - from Jimmy Riddle. Also 'rozzers' for the police. Don't know where that comes from. But lots and lots of rhyming slang.

'Get your skates on' for 'hurry up!' (A bit of a sore point for me. I always wanted roller skates and they were too 'dear'.

'What's that got to do with the price of fish?' when someone said something off topic.

We had cheeky arab, daft apeth, dragged through a hedge backwards; but it was Piffey on a lettuce leaf in our house.
My mum still uses the phrase "blood and stomach pills" to convey annoyance.

I remember Put that in your pipe and smoke it. No one ever says that anymore.

I now say you can shove it where the sun don't shine. Sound better in Yorkshire dialect as in Tha can shove it where the sun don't shine

'Straighten your face' if you look sullen
'Got a head like Birkenhead' if you have messy bed hair

Also, got a head like a burst couch.

Thymeout

Don't remember but it is quite likely! My Nan and Grandad also used 'Gelt' which is a Jewish/Yiddish word for gold or money I think. My Nan had connections with the horse trade through her Grandfather as did my Grandad. I think it might have been how they met through mutual friends and they used to go to car auctions when I was a child where a lot of cash rather than cheques was in use. My Nan also bred and raced greyhounds before and after the war when my Mum was a child and there are a lot of connections between the horse and dog racing trades obviously. She always used the word 'Didicoy' for non Romani/Gypsy people and she knew a few words of the Romani language, specifically ones related to training horses and dogs as this is where she mixed with Romani people most often.

Not sure if it was common to the rest of the country but where I grew up the police cars had a red stripe along their sides and were known as 'Jam Sandwiches', now of course all the forces have their own livery.

I also remember using those Orangesanddemons the 'put that in your pipe and smoke it' and 'shove it were the sun don't shine. I'm from Yorkshire so maybe they were used a lot there!

Also remember 'get your skates on' Thymeout. Did you ever get any roller skates? We still use 'what's that got to do with the price of fish'.

Natasha - my family were SE London, fewer Jews and Gypsies? But my grandad went to Catford Dog track every week. Which reminds me. 'Let the dog see the rabbit', if we were crowding round something and needed to move, if someone couldn't see.

Yer - No skates but enjoyed buying my dgd a pair last Xmas.

"As black as a yard up a pig's arse." When I was little I thought they meant yard as in enclosed space at the back of a house. I wondered how you'd get one up a pig's arse. And how hard the pig would struggle.

"Their budgie has died" - wear trousers that are too short, ie, you're wearing your budgies trousers.

"Worky ticket" - child being a little annoying

"Little horror bag" - as above

I don't know if it has been mentioned but I often say "Where do you think you are, Butlins?" to the DDs if they ask for something perfectly reasonable ie a biscuit.

Natasha we're originally from N London and my mum always used to use the word Cow son (in her accent it was 'Caaaaa....son'). It must be a Londoner thing because I heard Chas n Dave singing 'Rabbit' not long ago and there's a line in that that goes 'gitcha (get you) cowson'.

Bob's your uncle (which later on also had 'and Fanny's your aunt' added on to it.

'Gotta see a man about a dog' - i.e do something

'Don't get your knickers in a twist' - don't get worked up

This is hideously discriminatory but a lot of people seemed to use 'bent as a nine bob note' i.e. gay

Yep all those are familiar Hushabyelullaby! The accent on cow is as I remember too!

I remember 'bent as a nine bob note' as being more not legal/criminal rather than gay though? Unless it was different in east and north London perhaps? There were other words used for gay or bent was just used on its own. I have certainly used it in the not legal sense even though I don't remember using pre decimal money and my Mum still says 'what's that in old money' when faced with metric measurements!

It seems that a few words of the gay slang Polari made it into the general slang as well, I use 'troll' meaning 'to walk about' rather than the common Mumsnet meaning which I must have picked up from my family as I've always used it ever since I can remember.

Wearers of trousers at half mast used to be asked if their trousers had had an argument with their shoes or socks.

Just remembered my Mum's been known to say that a man's trousers were too tight by saying that they were 'so tight, you could see his religion'. or !

I remember "bobbins" from my time in Manchester. Meaning not all with it, eg, he's bobbins.

Also where did Chop chop meaning to hurry up come from?

Apeth I think you're right about a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. And another one from my dad (said in response to me saying 'I thought etc etc..") - "You know what thought did?? Followed a muck cart and thought it was a wedding! Thought once when he should have thought twice!"

Also, in response to being asked what you were looking at - "I don't know - the label's fallen off"

I'd completely forgotten about the label one Laquila my Dad used to say that all the time! Though he said 'I don't know the labels dropped off'

Orangesanddemons I've a feeling 'chop chop' might have come from when they used to execute people by beheading them. Don't know for sure but it wouldn't surprise me.