Strangest complaint you've ever received

[bdbfan]

Following on from the thread about ridiculous tourist complaints, what's the strangest complaint you've ever received?

I'll start, I run a small cafe, a lady ordered a toasted sandwich then asked for a refund because it was toasted. She said she didn't realise it would be heated in a new fangled thing and wanted something from the 90's.

I still have absolutely no clue about what she was after.

working in a betting shop there was a constant stream of idiots

some dickhead shouted at me cos he had placed a bet then lost his money when his horse lost. erm duh thats kind of the risk you take when you place a bet?

he then yelled that i was a "white slag" and threw a load of leaflets in my face, he was a 6 foot man and i was a tiny skinny 18 year old girl

horrible cunt

i walked out not long after that

I work in a bank complaints dept. It really beggars belief some of the complaints we get.

We get a lot of 'how can I feed my child' complaints late on a Friday when all the money in the account has gone to betfred or bingo online.

A few weird ones where the customer wants us to make a transfer from to and will not accept that we can't do it!

Was looking at a PPI complaint today for a colleague - was found in favour for the customer, even though he had claimed on his PPI for the entire course of the loan! He owed us money and promptly declined to sign the acceptance of the complaint!

I remember working in Accessorize as a teenager and this woman flouncing out of the shop after a refund was declined on a hat. It was covered in make up and ripped - she said it had never been worn!

a customer complained we don't sent a statement every time he makes a transaction on this specific account he has with us and also complaining we send them too many paying in slips when he orders a stationery pack - waste of paper apparently..

Worked for HMRC for many years...........

The best I can remember offhand is the guy who ranted at me on the phone for 10 mins effing and blinding.........

He was self employed and needed to make an insurance claim for loss of earnings, can I provide evidence?
Sure, can send letter giving details of all income declared on his Returns for past 6 years.

No good says he, that's not my real income - only what I declared to you lot. I earned shed loads more than that and won't get worthwhile insurance payout on the piddling amounts I declared.

Tell you what, sez I, you can disclose to us retrospectively what you REALLY earned these past six years, pay us the back tax (plus interest & penalties), then I can do you a nice letter with all the correct income for the insurance claim......

10 seconds of complete silence, then he completely lost it

I used to work with a girl who complained that she didn't like it when I peeled an orange.

Had always thought it was a lovely smell. Not anti-social at all. I didn't complain about her bag of fast food that she brought back to the office.

When I worked at a charity I once took a call from a lady who wanted us to cancel her direct debit. None of her details were on my database - and she shouted at me for 20 minutes and told me that the charity was shit etc. It turned out that her direct debit was with another charity entirely...

Some doozies from my days in a publishing call centre / marketing dept:

A complaint that there were not enough glasses wearers shown in our materials.

A ranting lady complaining that we were closed on Christmas Day. Bloody unreasonable, apparently.

And my favourite... not a complaint, but a telephone query. We used to sell a book about the menopause by a well-known author. In it, the author had recommended various products for vaginal dryness. The woman was calling on behalf of her mum, who was interested in said products. I was a bit perplexed (having not read the book) and suggested KY-jelly. 'Oh no, my dad's allergic to that.' I ended up ringing the local Boots for her and calling her back.

I used to sit on the Quality Assurance committee for the hospital I worked in. Part of our role was to receive and respond to complaints.

My favourites were:

The person who complained their mum had been without her teeth for about 48 hours. We think she had thrown them in a clinical waste bin, and it took the hospital a couple of days to arrange to get her measured and fitted for a new set of dentures. The relative complained that ward staff didn't sift through each and every clinical waste bag before disposal to make sure patients hadn't thrown something away they shouldn't have.

The man visiting his father who, after his father had been discharged, sent us a 14 page A4 letter listing his concerns about his care. It read like this:

Tuesday, 1336 staff nurse sneezed and didn't leave the ward to change their uniform
1355 man in bed opposite made a loud noise
1412 doctor woke my father up to examine him
1500 the ward orderly made me move my chair so she could clean his bedside locker and change his water jug

I now work in a GP surgery and we get some howlers. My recent favourite is the patient who made a formal complaint that she had to travel up to the hospital for her operation, and why could 't the GP do her hernia repair in the surgery.

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Laughing out loud at the 14 page A4 complaint letter

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I used to work on a cruise ship. You would not believe how many people would complain about the wind. General complaining about the weather I can understand, but they all expected me to do something about it!

Marking

The only one I have had that was funny was when I worked in BUPA on reception. A woman started shouting and screaming because when the Consultant called her name he didn't refer to her as her proper title as 'Lady' and that she comes to BUPA accepting people to know the difference and to be treated with the correct level of respect - but she kept shouting BUPA so all the other staff members down the hall could hear was "grumble grumble BUPA!".

All the time she was shouting and screaming the consultant stayed quiet until she finished, then said "I'm sorry, I can not accept this complaint as you keep aiming it at a "Dr" where as I am "Professor" . I am however medically trained to work on people of any class so let talk about your medical issues shall we?"

She was forever referred to as "Lady BUPA"

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"I want my money back on these glasses, it's a disgrace, whenever I wear them things are just too clear".

Honestly.

I hate people.

I used to work for The Body Shop,our phone number was unbeleivably one digit out from the local car body shop,think 0207 123 1212 and 0207 123 1221(not the real numbers!)
Every single week I would answer 'good morning TBS Londontown' and get a man asking for car repair quotes etc,I would politely explain that no this wasn't the car body shop but The Body Shop,yes they know that,how much is an exhaust pipe that kind of thing,I would explain no we sell makeup etc.
And yes I know the number is almost identical,no I didn't choose to do that myself.yes I know it's stupid (highly edited)

I may have offered to book a couple of idiots in for makeovers after their choice words to me

I've asked for this to go in Classics, I'm loving it!

As a student nurse. A patient who was told his broken leg would be operated on once the swelling had gone down, wanted to know if he could have it done sooner because he was in Bupa.

In Greece. Overheard an English customer complain that her moussaka had aubergine in. She explained to the very puzzled waiter that it is made with potatoes in England.

I had a man shout at me and tell me the store I worked in was completely useless and what kind of shop doesn't sell chicken wire?! Erm, a TOY shop maybe?

DS works part time in a call centre for a mobile phone company, one of his favourites is the woman who wanted to return her touch screen phone because she'd had her nails done and she was struggling to use it with long acrylic nails.

I used to work in Ann Summers. So many wonderful (hilarious) complaints and memories. The most bonkers complaint was a woman who wanted to return her old rabbit back because her DP had bought her a new one for Christmas. The old one was 1 year old and very much used. She was fuming that we would not return the old one for credit even. She brought the ruddy thing in with her, put it out on the counter and told us we could inspect it and see it was "like new condition"

blockette you have just moved to my favourite...

Had a call from a customer last week wanting to speak to the manager/assistant manager - neither were available and customer declined to leave name or message saying they would call back.

It was clear, however, that they were massively disgruntled about something, so in the interests of damage limitation I made a note of the number on caller display and cross checked it with our files so manager could call them back and sort the problem asap.

They then complained about my finding out who they were (I work in the office and legitimately have full access to customer files) and the manager calling them back .