My tip of the day for you all.

[MissStrawberry]

You can thank me later.

When you want to get out of the car, it is always sensible, and useful, to take your seat belt off first.

You're welcome .

If it even crosses your mind that something (usually full red wine glass) looks a bit precarious, LISTEN TO YOUR MIND, do not wait for the inevitable

When you are in the WRNS, and preparing for a vv. important parade never ever pick up and cuddle a friends new baby.
At the parade the Royal will ask you - "have you got a new baby at home ?"
emme- "No, Ma'am"
Royal "Well, you've got sick all down your back"

When straining home made stock that you have been carefully tending for hours: Do Not pour the stock down the sink and keep the bones.

Hth

Do not pack the breakfast washing up carefully into the fridge - especially when you do not have a dishwasher. (Well I was pregnant at the time!).

A tip from a friend - when you have peeled the potatoes put them on to boil in a saucepan and throw the peelings on the compost heap .... not vice versa. (When she was pregnant).

My mum does that nearly every Christmas Earth

Men should not put their y-fronts on the wrong way round or inside out. Both will cause them great discomfort and difficulty when trying to pee.

Also, if you have a front loading washing machine, do NOT use top loading washing powder (if they make it now) as the bubbles FILL the kitchen. They can take the man who did it, hours to explain, and clean those dam bubbles up.

Don't wear your clothes inside out when going somewhere where you want to make a good impression. Especially so when going somewhere where there are no toilets to slip into to rectify the situation.

Never confuse your eye drops for nail varnish.

Ouch!

Earth - I have only made proper stock twice, and both times it's gone down the sink. I don't bother any more.

earth DP did that once at his first dinner party with his exGF. She'd spent ages making a duck stock for some overly complicated recipe and he just threw it down the sink. She then hit him with the empty pan. They were only 21 at the time, bless 'em.

Note, I of course never EVER point out that, despite my many failings, I have never hit him with a pan, and he should therefore count himself lucky. That would be infra dig...

If you offer to make everyone a cup of tea remember to boil the water in the kettle if you want them to drink it :)

similar to Earth

expressed breastmilk goes in the freezer.
not down the sink. nooooooooooooooo!

However, if you ever do this you will understand the true meaning of "Crying over spilled milk"

Also do not buy cauliflower, carrots and onions and then put them straight in your paper re-cycling bag.
Your dinner will not be as nice and your bin men will give you a funny look

"Always check you are wearing matching shoes before leaving the house"
ghostonthecanvas

Especially if you are on the way to a funeral.

Double check that you are sending emails and text messages to the right destination, especially if you are saying not very nice things about your boss .......

Do not stop a van that's about to run over a gorgeous big toad at 6am when out dog walking ... then go to pick up the toad only to find out it's a toad-shaped pile of mud. As it oozes out of shape and between your fingers you cannot begin to imagine what is going through the van drivers head....

Don't put Chapstick on in the back of a dark cab as you arrive at the pub if you also have a stick concealer in your bag

This thread is great. I thought I would post the OP so you could all laugh at me. I never dreamt it would get so many posts and be such fun - and a great education - to read!

LittleHigh the driver probably thought you were a very conciencious dog walker. Almost dedicated

HaveTea I sprayed wine on my phone reading about your concealed mouth

This should go to classics. It has to doesn't it?!

"Always check you are wearing matching shoes before leaving the house"

Or meeting your future wife's parents for the first time.

ginguzzler ... possibly but with my bare hands???

Do not go to B&Q buy a 2 metre length of worktop, load into car and close hatchback...

When a wall stapler appears to be jammed, do NOT have it facing you whilst you wonder if giving the handle one last squeeze will clear the blockage.

Of course, if you did actually want a facial piercing with a staple, do the above

Washing up liquid in the dishwasher is never a good solution to running out of tablets.
Unless you wish to create an Ibiza style foam party in your kitchen.

Don't get down to one pair of smart trousers and then when they break just before you need them at short notice, fix them with super glue. It will set into a hard mess that:
(a) Makes it look like you've done something unsavoury
(b) Scratches against your leg and makes you wince
(c) Reflects sunlight (and so catches the eye of everyone you meet)