The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

[daughterofafarmer]

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

I was once walking my blue brindle whippet puppy through town when I heard a woman turn to her child and say
" look dear, a white Alsatian". There were no other dogs anywhere in sight.

The thing with the channel tunnel that baffles me is even if you haven't thought through the logistics of how exactly you'd put a tunnel on the sea bed, does nobody remember it being dug? The moment when the French and English sides met and shook hands through the earth was monumental. I remember being fascinated by it and this image was all over the place.

It was only opened in 1994 I think. I remember the machinery and the photographs and just how amazing it all was. To be fair though, I think most of my contemporaries were having boyfriends and a life.

Ex-colleague: Can I photocopy this before I fax it?
Me: Just fax it, it will go through like that.
EC: But I need to keep it, it's the original! Or what if I put a note on it asking them to fax it straight back when they are finished with it?

My dad once worked with a bloke like that. He'd spent 30 minutes trying to send a fax and eventually moaned to my dad (manger) that the fax machine was broken.

Two seconds later my dad gets a phonecall from another department asking why they've been sent about 30 copies of the same fax..!

He also once got dragged out of his office by a hysterical person on the phone crying about an invasion of rats (dad was in charge of health and safety).

Off he goes to investigate this 'invasion'.

Was a rabbit. On it's own. Spotted in a field outside of the office.

Overreacting much??

DH, shortly after we married:
Wife or no wife, I can still divorce you.

He's a solicitor.

I love the invasion of rats one MrsK

I know a few people who thought that Buffalo mozzarella is made from buffalo milk. As in American buffalo.

Btw, a few animals have urethra's that empty into the vagina. Cow's do.

Watching a tv show showing footage of the First World War.

Friend- I wonder why people in the olden days walked so quickly and jerkily, far more than we do today. Do you reckon it was because of their shoes?

Me - they didn't walk any differently, it's just that the film was jerky when it was in its infancy.

Friend - oh don't be ridiculous.

Rowed about it for AGES.

But buffalo mozzarella is made from buffalo milk?

That's an easy enough mistake to make about the buffalo though, even if it is water buffalo that the mozzarella comes from, rather than the American bison.

Italian water buffalo!

It is made from buffalo isn't it?

Not American buffaloes but buffaloes all the same.

I know,

I asked her what on earth was in the shoes to make people scamper along quickly and jerkily. And what had changed in less than a hundred years in shoe design which enabled people to walk normally. And why did everyone have shoe problems.

She would not have it.

I don't I ever thought about the nationality of buffalo that mozzarella comes from, just that they are buffalo! Surely people thinking that it comes from American rather than Italian can't be that bad - it's not on the same scale of dumb as some of the other stuff on this thread!

Re the couple of posts about faxes, I had a similar conversation with my, then, boss when faxes were in their infancy. I'd picked up a document from his desk to fax

Me : I'll take this to fax to
Him : Don't fax the original, we need to keep it for the file
Me: I will keep it for the file
Him : But if you fax the original it will be lost forever
Me : Do you think the paper rolls up into a tiny tube and slithers down the phone line?

Fortunately he had a great sense of humour, so I knew I could get away with my final comment

Actually, I did used to think that the actual paper somehow did get sucked into the fax machine and sent to the person! I couldn't figure out how else they would get it

Tobiasfunke, that's genius. I'm sure DD2 must be destined for greatness, on that rationale, just as long as none of her great orations require her to say the words spoon ('poon'), because ('metoz') or Christmas ('mistmuss').

To be fair it did take a lot of people a while to work out about George Michael.... didn't it? It's true of a lot of boy-band pop-stars who are marketed at girls - they hide their sexuality for the first few years of their career. See also Steven Gately. That chap from Union J is unusual in coming out right at the start of their career. (Disclaimer: I only know about the existence of Union J thanks to a teenage DD!)

A very clever friend of mine was keen to join in a discussion about why people often seem to sing with an English accent, regardless of where they're from (while watching Eurovision) -

"I imagine they all sing with an English accent because singing was invented in England."

'What kind of animal is Piglet?'

Asked by me someone else.

me very smart friend:

"do they keep the sheep inside once they make the rugs"
me: "huh?"
her: "well they'll be cold once they've been skinned "

another gem from her to her DP:
"thats a lot of caravens over there"
him: "yeah its for storage"
her: "do they not have cupboards?"

scary thing is she's a teacher

Bil thought tampon sizes were fanjo size related.... dsis was furious as he'd always bought her super plus!

Me - "Did you apply for that promotion you mentioned before?"
Her - "No. I decided not to because Jonny has his entrance exams for (very posh and exclusive) school in 2 years time. I have to help him with his work, because he'll be competing against boys whose mother don't work" i.e. mothers who don't work will be spending every second tutoring their kids.
Me - in my head to myself - "You are actually stark staring bonkers and I have to stop this conversation now or you will realise this is what I think of you."