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Original poster

I think my neighbours have stolen my towel

131 replies

DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 21:05

Things have been going missing from our washing line for a while. I think. There are gaps on the washing line sometimes when I go to bring my washing in but I can never remember what I've hung up so I just assume that I've just left a gap by accident.

DP has just gone to bring in our washing which consisted of a whole load of baby clothes and one towel. That's all. It was DP's favourite towel, a great big brown affair (sad, I know). It was definitely hung up but has now mysteriously disappeared from the line.

The line is shared by 4 flats (us included). I'm pretty sure it was one of our neighbours as it's an enclosed garden with no access from outside and a security door, but how the hell do I go about getting it back?!

OP posts:
MagzFarqharson · 14/09/2013 22:43

Oooo MsVes sperm flakes? yum

DameDeepRedBetty · 14/09/2013 22:44

MrsVestibule one washes them as often is necessary I imagine

Baby wipes just tend to spread it about I find, something a bit more absorbent is the way ahead.

Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 22:44

DP did have a jizz rag before we got together.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 22:45

Might just be us but we don't seem to make that much mess! We've never required a towel before...!

OP posts:
MagzFarqharson · 14/09/2013 22:46

jizz rag? what's wrong with socks anymore?

Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 22:47

A spider once fell out of a sock he had been using, squished to death by DP's cock. He's never used one since. He literally fucked a spider to death.

OP posts:
MagzFarqharson · 14/09/2013 22:49

Ewww, spider abuse.

Plus, if you're not making a mess, he's not coming which means he's clearly getting his fulfillment elsewhere.

Sorry, but LTB

DameDeepRedBetty · 14/09/2013 22:50

Grin Daley.

DP is beginning to wonder why I'm having difficulty staying on the sofa due to laughing too much. Not sure I can find words to explain this one.

MsVestibule · 14/09/2013 22:51

Shock Shock Shock

The things you read about on MN.

TribbleWithoutACause · 14/09/2013 22:51

Poor Spid, we knew him well.
Life always dealt him the hard sell.
Couldn't cope, so off he hid.
Only to have death by jizz.

MsVestibule · 14/09/2013 22:55

Ah, but what a way to go, Tribble!

So, Daley, at what point in your relationship did your DH tell you about his jizz rag? Did it only strengthen your feelings towards him?

MajesticWhine · 14/09/2013 22:57

Very informative thread. As for the use of sex towels, what's wrong with a bit of loo roll?

Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 22:58

Tribble GrinGrinGrin

I found it MsVestibule Grin I was 14 when we got together and I found it under his computer table. [heave again]

Can't help you there Dame, sorry! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 22:59

Also, Magz, he is coming. I can assure you. Currently pregnant with his spawn Grin

OP posts:
NishiNoUsagi · 14/09/2013 23:06

Oh god, of all the threads to read while I was brushing my teeth..
"Literally fucked a spider to death" made me snort toothpaste out through my nose whilst simultaneously sucking it into my lungs and choke-laughing like a seal.

As if that wasn't bad enough, for my first lesson on Monday morning I have to teach adverbs, including "literally". I will try to be professional, but as I give an example of the use of "literally", no doubt literally all I will see will be the face of the poor spider as it is vigorously and thoughtlessly shagged out of existence. When my students ask why I am curled up in a ball on the floor gibbering and laughing, I will blame you, Daley's DH..

Angry
MagzFarqharson · 14/09/2013 23:09

Aw congrats Dales.

Only from personal experience - no come, no t much mess, but then I always prefer a lot of mess Grin

Sex towels are the best

NishiNoUsagi · 14/09/2013 23:10

Although I quite like it as measure of horniness..

"not really bothered."

"would quite like some."

"am quite randy."

"would literally fuck a spider to death."

Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 23:10

Oh god DP asked me what I was laughing at and obviously I couldn't just say "remember that time you fucked a spider to death?" because he would know he's being talked about and I was sworn to secrecy Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 23:11

Cheers Magz! Sometimes I wish he wouldn't come, means I have to spend ages cleaning myself up Wink

OP posts:
SelectAUserName · 14/09/2013 23:16

Towel theft, stealth hamsters, crispy sex towels and spider snuff porn. Truly, this is the thread that just keeps on giving.

Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 23:17

You missed the bit about the scintillating conversation about my washing machine.

OP posts:
MagzFarqharson · 14/09/2013 23:18

Loving you being sworn to secrecy! Well it's only the worldwideweb.

Oh another spider reference. Where's me Tena's?

(Still secretly waiting for flashing squirrel pic)

SelectAUserName · 14/09/2013 23:19

What makes you think the omission* was accidental? Grin

*As opposed to the emission, hem hem...

Original poster
DaleyBump · 14/09/2013 23:22

I'll work on the squirrel pic, bear with me Grin

I see what you did there Select Wink

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 14/09/2013 23:25

Fucking spiders to death is a common theme on MN
(was it buppers who twitted one to death?)