10 year old ds just been asking about sex toys and what they are made of

[HoneyDragon]

Having established he found out about them on the Internet I made a mental note to check parental controls I stammered my way through a child friendly explanation, whilst his horror visibly increased, as did my own trauma.

He then asked about the duck ones his father had brought home a while ago.

Turns out he was thinking about Stress toys.

We have agreed to Brain bleach and never speak of this again.

I wish I still drank.

I teach 10 year olds and have to teach sex ed. been asked such questions as 'what is a dildo' and 'how can 2 ladies have sex.' Got asked last year what a condom was, carefully explained, child walking past chimes in 'oh, my mum uses those.' I had to see her for a residential meeting the following week.

School uses a truly hideous video to explain how babies are made, involves naked cartoons chasing each other with feathers. I could send you a copy for DS if you like?!

Oh for a moment I thought you were going to say he had found one.

Oh no DS was not jumping around the bedroom waving a jelly 'wiggly worm'

Oh honeydragon I do love you.

I'm so grateful for a good pelvic floor!!

Zombies.

He actually has a question for his
Aunty Zombie. He wants to know what you do if Zombies invade your house? Do you

Fight?
Flee?
Blend in?

Ds loves Mumsnet since he found out it had a resident zombie

I don't often literally laugh out loud at things I read, but this has tears rolling down my cheeks. hah

Ahhh Honey, another classic! I do love your threads. But I wish you wouldn't keep putting them in chat... can you get it moved, pleaseandthanks?

No!

In chat the evidence is destroyed.

DS asked me about 'erections' recently. He's young and I was a bit but hey, it's my duty, right? He'd got muddled up (he's developmentally delayed) and was talking about his Lego tower because he'd heard something about erecting something or other on TV. It was the end moment when I saw him gaping and staring, like it was a whole new hell, and then kind of feeling it filter through. He now runs away if I start explaining something

It's awful isn't it. You can see the trapped look in their eyes but your mouth can't stop .

It's like they want to escape. But they can't. So they have to stay and your mouth blabbers on and you want the ground to swallow you up. And then you finish and there's silence as it sinks in what just happened.

Ooh, classics!

YAY!!

(Sorry honey )

@RoastedCouchPotatoes

DS asked me about 'erections' recently. He's young and I was a bit but hey, it's my duty, right? He'd got muddled up (he's developmentally delayed) and was talking about his Lego tower because he'd heard something about erecting something or other on TV. It was the end moment when I saw him gaping and staring, like it was a whole new hell, and then kind of feeling it filter through. He now runs away if I start explaining something

I have just literally LOLLed like a cackling barmaid at this post and my 5 y/o DS called from the other room "what's so funny, Mummy?"
Nothing darling.

Slightly different, but Dd (5.8) asked what a funeral director was. I was driving at the time, my Mum beside me, and Ds (15yo) sitting with Dd in the back (of course!)...Ok, how to explain it 5yo style.
"It's someone that looks after you when you die" says me. Now, it was dark and I couldn't see Dd's face, so not sure what that was doing, but Ds suddenly says to her "No! not Jesus!!!" we all cracked up, but you might have had to be there!