This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

[MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel]

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

ooh crossposted with MM !

this thread is why I love the internet. So many awful stories in the news at the moment about people doing and looking at awful things online - you forget how wonderful it can be and how it can bring people together in a fabulous way.

Well said Fergoose

Shamelessly marking my place for good news! Best of luck in your search, Missy

marking place. excellent thread.

I bookmarked this thread earlier as I was dying to see how it was going.

My dad has five children and only my brother and I are in touch, my half siblings know who I am etc and speak to my dad, but we don't speak to each other. It's sad, I could contact these people, but we have no relationship and my dad never tried to forge one between us. It's really made me think, because we could so easily end up in the same situation as you.

Wishing you all the luck with your search

On a side note I never knew there were so many Lincoln/Lincolnshire mumsnetters. Why have we never had a meet up? One day we should organise this.

My grandfather left my grandmother and had a new family. I've never met him and he's been dead more than 20 years but getting a copy of my father's birth cert recently in order to get my first British passport and seeing his name on it made me start thinking about it. I've given up on my family because both sides are completely fucked up but I have a romantic notion of my half uncles and aunts being well adjusted and welcoming me into the fold.

British Library guide to tracing living people: page with link to pdf booklet here

There are also lots of commercial tracing services like this one and this one (I don't have any links with these businesses, I just found them with a Google search).

Obviously though it sounds as if you are off to a flying start with the help of Lincolnshire MNers, and on the ground enquiries can often be simplest. I am quite amused at how well networked everyone in Lincolnshire seems to be with each other though, and that there seems to be no part of Britain into which the tentacles of MN do not extend .

This is the nicest thread I've read in ages. Go Mumsnet, really hope it works out for you op.x

Just marking thread as I am quite excited on behalf of the OP!

YY to a Lincolnshire meet up.

I still haven't heard back from Jackie, its almost like she has a life that doesn't revolve around waiting for an email from me, the nerve of her

MissMarple has come up with a really good idea of someone local to contact and is very kindly going to see her on Monday.

I'm off to start searching these records and things now and I'll let you all know if I find anything.

Thank you all again for your messages and stories and links and help, I am so overwhelmed with the kindness that everyone has shown and I promise I will keep you updated

Yet again, MN proves to the world, just how big a nest of vipers it is!

I can't help in any way, what so ever, but I wish you lots of luck in your incredible quest. Seems to me, that whatever the outcome, one thing you will have found, is new friendships.

marking place. what a lovely thread

hope it works out for you op

have often wondered about starting my own thread to find my dad but im a bit scared and dont know much at all

InLove MN could help you & hold your hand!

Just popping in to gawp at the wonderfulness of MumsNet.

And to congratulate MissMarplesBloomers on a really lovely and inspired name change :o

Whenever people point to the Internet destroying personal connections and community and blame computers for everything wrong in the world, we can just point at this thread and say 'You are wrong'

Good luck missy

marking a place.. sorry.. yes as I am fascinated by the story I hope it works out well for you

Norks credit where it is due......

Just read this thread Missy it's wonderful all the people offering help, I really hope you get somewhere.

Without meaning to hijack, I thought you might have been talking about my bio father in your op but as you have more info I realised it wasn't the same man.

Similar circs though, haven't seen him since I was 6 months old, I have brothers and sisters I haven't met and he was also last known to live in Lincoln. Never quite managed to track him down.

Good luck with your search.

Also being a nosey cow and marking place. Really hope it works out for you op!

Really hope you get some answers, Mumsnet at its best!

Just read this thread and I'm not surprised that you have had so much assistance, wish I could do more than just post but marking my place for now.

missmarple maybe one day soon i will take the plunge. i honestly have no idea where to begin

I have a new and very exciting update (well it is for me anyway) a lovely MNer (thank you very, very much) has found a record of my someone getting married in the 60s with my dads last name who had daughters called S, who died the same year, M and J, and his name is R B one of my brothers middle names is R so it must be my Dad. All these years I have been looking for a B and I should have been looking for a R (although he was known as B). I am so angry my Mother never told me, she must have known.

Oh my goodness I can't believe this.

Thank you all (especially the MNer who messaged me that information) so very much

InLove please look how far I have got in a couple of days thanks to all the brilliant help I have got on here you should give it a go.