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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
AuntPepita · 02/06/2013 00:03

Wow! Keep us posted!

MuddlingMackem · 02/06/2013 00:07

Wow! That's great news. :)

garlicgrump · 02/06/2013 00:11

omgomgomgomgomg!!!

Grin

Not that I'm excited for you or anything Flowers

Having a full name will speed things up no end, won't it, especially with the Mumsnet Viper-Sleuths on the case.

I did notice where you said he seemed to have a 'reputation' locally, so you're not nursing unrealistic fantasies. It will just be so amazing to fill in more of the picture! Good luck!

notapizzaeater · 02/06/2013 00:11

That's brilliant news Grin

moonblues · 02/06/2013 00:14

That's amazing news MM. Good luck with the rest of your search.

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 00:23

FAB news will update all my contacts tomorrow after discussing battle plans with MM ....Grin

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 00:37

I can't even start looking yet I am so happy and excited I am literally shaking, I need a few minutes to calm down first.

I'm under no illusions he has been rescuing orphaned kittens or knitting rainbows all these years garlic he has somewhere in the region of 16 children by lots of women and if he is the same man bassingham met many years ago then he had a reputation as a womaniser in the pub he drank in, and he was 'known' around the area for getting into fights and whatnot (which is why I tried the police) so, although I'm not really expecting to find him alive (he was born in 1936 according to the message I got from the lady who found my Dads name) if I do I am prepared for the fact he might not be a nice bloke.

Poor MissMarple keeps getting really incoherant excited messages from me every time I find out something new Grin

Thank you all (again) for your messages and help and support Flowers

OP posts:
TotallyBursar · 02/06/2013 00:56

Amazing news.
Jeez, so close - exciting, nerve wracking, you must have a lot of feelings to try and wrangle into shape.
Amazing work.
Hanging on for more updates even though I'm no use, I'm virtually (and literally Blush ) cheering you on. Thanks Wine

BistoBear · 02/06/2013 01:07

Exciting news! Good luck :)

crazydrunkevilhamster · 02/06/2013 01:13

Good luck marking place

LongNeckedDancers · 02/06/2013 01:18

:)

scaredycat12 · 02/06/2013 01:21

There is a B listed on 192.com as living in Grantham NG31. I don't have an account to get any further details from the site.

Good Luck!

brdgrl · 02/06/2013 01:23

So exciting! I'm really pleased you've gotten this far and I hope you are able to meet at least some of your family.

Lovely thread.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 01:40

I've just had a look on Genes Reunited and there is someone on there with him listed as a relative so I have just sent them a message to see what relation they are to my Dad.

Thank you scaredy I have had a quick look on there and I'm going to sort out a membership tomorrow so I can see the details, there are another 10 Bs living in the area as well (lets hope some of them pick up their phones). In other news I have been looking and looking and I can't find any record of death anywhere for him. Its almost too much to hope for that he may be alive.

There is absolutely no chance I am getting any sleep tonight Grin

OP posts:
BergholtStuttleyJohnson · 02/06/2013 01:43

Good luck op! This thread is lovely and made me well up a bit. I really hope you find your dad and siblings.

Paddlinglikehell · 02/06/2013 01:48

Just read the whole thread, very excited for you, it does sound like you are getting nearer.

Best of luck

Anjou · 02/06/2013 03:06

Just read your story OP. I'm so sorry for your losses, but I'm thrilled by how far your search has leapt forward in such a short time! Well done to all those that have helped. Hope that this latest lead brings you closer to finding your family. Smile

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 03:27

Thank you, I am searching friends reunited and facebook to see if I can find M or J at the moment. I still can't find any records of my Dad dying although I'm trying not to get my hopes up about finding him alive.

I have calmed down a tiny bit now and realised that my sisters are only about 10 years older than me, but the photo my mother gave me was (supposedly) of me as a baby with 2 women who were around 20, so its either not me, or its not them. I'm really not sure what to make of that tbh.

I have also sent an email to the Canadian air Force to see if they can help me at all, its a bit of a long shot but you just never know, I really didn't think I'd get this far.

I still haven't heard back from Jackie so I'm going to leave it until midweek then message the person I think it is on FB, if I don't hear back from her after that I will just leave it, I don't want to harrass or upset her.

I did email the other therapist on that road as well but I don't think I'll hear back from many people until Monday now.

I'm also tryng to track down the person who listed my Dad as a relative on Genes Reunited on FB but there are a few of them and I have no idea of the area so I'll leave it a few days to see if I get an email back before I start messaging around them.

I can't believe how far I have come in a couple of days thanks to the lovely people on MN and I am so grateful for all the support you lovely lot have shown.

You will be the first people to know of any more updates, of which I hope there will be many now I have my Dads real, full name.

OP posts:
TheRealFellatio · 02/06/2013 03:39

You see, I said B might be a nickname or a middle name! I bet that B in B is the pesky culprit. so glad you are making such great progress - how exciting!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 03:52

You were 100% right TheReal Grin there is no way I would ever have been able to hazard a guess as to what it was though.

I can't help wondering what the E stands for in his name as well.

It seems that my sister has her Mums first name as a middle name, I have my sisters names as my middle names, one of my brothers middle names is my Dads first name, but come to think of it there are 3 more middle names of my brothers that I know haven't got anything to do with my Mothers family, I wonder if they could be the names of some more of his children.

OP posts:
mirai · 02/06/2013 03:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 03:58

Haha mirai just a little bit, I'm usually a terrible sleeper anyway but I have given up on the whole idea of it tonight. My dc will start getting up in a couple of hours so there is no point even trying now Grin

OP posts:
MissTweed · 02/06/2013 04:33

If you know the names of some if your siblings could you look up the names of their children (via birth certificates) as they are more likely to be on Facebook (and more frequently)

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/06/2013 04:51

Oh my goodness! Fingers crossed for you.

What a bunch of amazing women MNers sre

FruOla · 02/06/2013 05:12

OMG, things have moved on apace - what fantastic news. Hopefully you will not only find your father, but also some of your siblings.

(I know I have older siblings, as my BF was already married with a family when he had an affair with my BM - and she may have gone on to have more children after me. So I'm vicariously excited for you!)