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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/06/2013 14:45

Thank you Viva I will PM you my name in a minute just in case anyone gets in touch and I end up finding myself Grin

Muddling do you know something, in all the years I have been trying I have never once thought to try my Mothers name, I can't believe it didn't cross my mind before. I am going to get right on that this afternoon. I'm kicking myself that I didn't think of that.

clara I also didn't think to email the link to this thread, I will in future though, that would have been far more sensible than explaining that I am not some mad random spammer or con artist, which never goes down well on a first email (and is possibly the reason she hasn't emailed back yet)

Once again thank you for your messages and help and stories of finding your long lost relatives, this is just so amazing Flowers

Another quick update, a lady who does this type of research for tv programmes has just been in touch and is going to have a look, she has taken all my details and is going to see what she can do and call me back next week.

I'm also in touch with the lovely MissMarple (a much more fitting name) who has taken a lot of time and effort to help me, so hopefully M B might be a possibility as well. (Yet another huge THANK YOU to you)

I promise I'll keep you all updated. Flowers

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 01/06/2013 15:01

I'm not able to help, I am not very super-sleuthy like done of these wonderful MN'ers, and I live far too far away, but I am shamelessly place-marking to see if there is a resolution to this!

I think this thread shows MN at it's best. Grin

Good luck in your search, OP.

quietbatperson · 01/06/2013 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuddlingMackem · 01/06/2013 15:35

MissyMoo

I really hope that the electoral roll turns up something for you. Fingers crossed. :)

FruOla · 01/06/2013 15:38

"the sheltered housing places I emailed haven't been back in touch yet, and Bossy went past the sheltered housing place (thank you) but the warden was away home for the weekend."

One thought about this, Missy, is that even if you contact the Warden, she/he might not be able to give you any information because of Data Protection.

It might need a personal visit to the specific address from someone else; which, of course, needs very careful handling - not that I need to tell you that.

(I'm an adopted person, having not found either of my birth parents.)

lateSeptember1964 · 01/06/2013 15:40

I hope I haven't sent you on a wild goose chase with the J info. I do think though its worth exploring. Apologies in advance if it comes to nothing. Will keep reading the thread with fingers crossed. Was your father the first B in Lincoln. Did you say his father was Canadian in which case is there an RAF link?

MissMarplesBloomers · 01/06/2013 15:43

Hope the TV lady comes through for you MM, that would save a lot of chasing up dead ends.

Bit of a frustrating morning in Bassingham, although I was not really going to find someone going "Oh yes I know old Joe" on first attempt though was I?

However the local shopkeeper was expecting one of his regulars to pop in for his Saturday loaf. This chap has lived in Bassingham since god were a lad and is probably about same age as Joe, so again might know something & I have left my number.

I have put out lots of feelers & the jungle drums being what they are round here it will have a ripple effect.

Grin

Good point quietbat

Also t'internet is only as current as the people adding the info, if these contacts are old posts/websites folks might have moved on/changed contact details.

Poor MM is starting to think all Lincolnshire folk are incommunicative technophobes Wink

FruOla · 01/06/2013 15:46

Oh, yes, lateSeptember, clever thought.
Maybe 'Grandad' was Royal Canadian Air Force?

Tiggygirl · 01/06/2013 15:56

Loving this thread.

FruOla · 01/06/2013 15:57

RCAF www.rcaf-arc.forces.gc.ca/v2/index-eng.asp. If it helps?

Bassinghamborn · 01/06/2013 16:07

I think I have met your Dad! I also grew up in Bassingham and he used to come in the Bells (one of the local pubs) when I worked there.

I have emailed a friend who's Dad was friendly with him with a link to this thread. Hope that can help!

MissMarplesBloomers · 01/06/2013 16:11

Eeeeeekkkkkk!!!!!

FruOla · 01/06/2013 16:19

Interesting first post Bassinghamborn. I hope you're genuinely here to help the OP?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 01/06/2013 16:24

Wow! Cool thread.

Hope one of the leads turns up trumps for you!

BAssinghamborn, that seems too good to be true!

looseleaf · 01/06/2013 16:26

I feel a bit sceptical as not a very subtle choice of name Bassingborn?. Forgive me if cynical but not many other mumsnet names focus on where they were born do they?
OP there is so much goodwill for you here I hope you have a positive answer soon

looseleaf · 01/06/2013 16:27

(Sorry Bassinghamborn, I get I'm wrong and kind of you to help - I'll disappear as didnt mean to be rude! Hope I wasn't!)

VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2013 16:28

Maybe it's someone who's name changed as they don't want to out themselves?

MissMarplesBloomers · 01/06/2013 16:29

I did wonder FruOla

SweetBabyJebus · 01/06/2013 16:30

Maybe s/he is a namechanger, or was directed here by someone else? Why would you make it up?

Guess stranger things have happened though...

Bassinghamborn · 01/06/2013 16:31

It's a name change. I don't post very often but didn't want to completely out myself!

MissMarplesBloomers · 01/06/2013 16:33

Fair enough BB have PM'd you! Grin

QOD · 01/06/2013 16:37

Oh exciting!

Hoping you don't end up on Jeremey Kyle though!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/06/2013 16:55

Oh wow, I have PM'd you Bassingham

I hadn't thought about how 'Grandad' got across here before, so thank you for that. I will look into that tonight and have a proper scout around the electoral rolls too.

Also when I messaged the sheltered housing place I did say that I understand about data protection etc so gave them my number to pass on if they feel it was appropriate.

Late please don't apologise, even if it comes to nothing then it was well worth looking at, its conversations like that that may very well find some of my family that I could never find by googling so I really appreciate you telling me.

Oh and don't worry, the lady works for The One Show, not Jezza Kyle Grin

Thank you for all your messages and ideas and help you are all amazing Flowers

OP posts:
MissMarplesBloomers · 01/06/2013 16:55

FruOla I did wonder about the data protection thing too.....but I was going to explain the story to the warden & leave my name & number
hoping to appeal to their better nature?

Up to her/him if they pass it on - might add this link too!!

minimarshmallow81 · 01/06/2013 16:56

Oooh, 'citing! Just marking my place to see what you lovelies will turn up next.

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