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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
Geordieminx · 01/06/2013 09:25

Sorry I can't be if any practical help but just wanted to wish you the best if luck.

You have all made me cry you nest of vipers you!

SisterMatic · 01/06/2013 09:25

Really hoping for a happy ending
This is Mumsnet at its finest.
Please keep us updated OP xx

VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2013 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aitch66 · 01/06/2013 09:54

Hi. I grew up in Bassingham, and now live nearby. It is not that big - but from the time when you seem to be talking it was really small, and everyone knew everyone! People here will know of your father, we just need to connect you with the right people.
The Witham Staple is definitely a good approach, it is free and delivered to all the houses in Bassingham and the surrounding villages. The editor is called Paul - [email protected]. Deadline for the July edition is 15.6.13 according to the current one.
If you want to message his name directly I will ask my parents and a few others - who are of that age.
Good Luck!

milkymocha · 01/06/2013 09:56

Please update OP, iam so excited reading this thread!!

curlyLJ · 01/06/2013 10:04

Good luck OP, I really hope one or some of the leads you have from this thread will come to something. I have never met my dad and have never really tried looking for him as I have so little to go on, but this had made me think anything is possible Smile

Keep us updated and good luck!

Limelight · 01/06/2013 10:23

Wow! The power of MN Grin

Good luck OP!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/06/2013 10:29

Oh wow thank you all so much for replying I haven't heard back from J yet but her business is open on Saturdays so hopefully she will check her emails or her FB today at some point. You lot will be the first people I tell when she emails me back.

MacMac I know they were called B at one point, they were in their 20s when I was a baby so I would think they probably aren't called by that name now, there is M, J and S (who I think died).

Viva if you could ask that group that would be brilliant, thank you.

Aitch thank you, I'll email him just now, I contacted the Echo so hopefully I will hear from them next week. My Dads name is B.

Hullmum thank you for your concern, I would imagine she did have her reasons and the fact he has had so many children by so many women makes me think he probably isn't/wasn't the greatest bloke on the earth, but he is still my Dad and I really want to know my family history, and my siblings. I have thought about all the possibilities and am ready in case any of them are true.

I will just go and check out the other therapist and R B just now and try these B numbers I was given too and get emailing and checking the Archives.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to help me and support me with this. You are all bloody amazing. Flowers

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDog · 01/06/2013 10:31

Good luck !!

picklepepper · 01/06/2013 11:19

Good Luck Missy, I'm really rooting for you. this thread has really warmed my heart!

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 11:26

oh this is amazing. rooting for you OP Smile

anyone else thinking we should get this moved from chat im desperate to see how this works out and don't want it to disappear forever after 30 days if there's no luck before then.

VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2013 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FruOla · 01/06/2013 11:34

It will stay here for 90 days, ALovely.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 01/06/2013 11:36

Sorry, but I am blatantly marking place :)

OP, I reckon you are going to find your dad as you have all these lovely MNers helping you....

claraschu · 01/06/2013 11:43

What an amazing thread-

Missy, if you find any potential siblings, you could include a link to this thread to this thread in your email, and you would certainly not look dodgy to them then, I think.

TidyDancer · 01/06/2013 11:48

This thread is why I love mumsnet. :)

Best of luck OP. I did something similar a few years ago looking for my dad's side of the family. He was very poorly at the time (sadly he didn't pull through) and I really wanted to trace them all (there were loads of them!). He lost touch with people due to being ambivalent about staying in touch, but regretted it later.

Well I did it! I have now met cousins and second cousins etc etc and we now all meet up twice a year and are close. We missed out on many years, but are making up for it now.

Nest of vipers, eh? Wink

MinnieBar · 01/06/2013 11:51

Really hope you find some of your family OP - if not your dad, then some siblings who should understand your situation Smile

LindyHemming · 01/06/2013 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComradeJing · 01/06/2013 12:18

Good luck OP!

MuddlingMackem · 01/06/2013 12:19

Just thought. The suggestions for searching the electoral roll? Shouldn't you be searching for your mum for the years before you moved to Scotland? That would then give you the address and you would be able to see who was in the same house with her? Which would presumably give you possibilities for your dad's full real name. If they opted out of the searchable one though you may have to look it up at where the archives are held. Or it may be too long ago to be searchable online anyway.

MissMarplesBloomers · 01/06/2013 12:23

'Tis I the nosy cah woman formerly known as Bossybritches!

Quite like my new NN thanks Norks

Ok to business. Have had a message from a friend via the FB appeal post I did last night, she went to school with a M B......long shot but we're persuing it.

Off to spread the word in Bassingham.

anothershittynickname · 01/06/2013 12:30

Oh wow MissMarples - fingers crossed xx

Muddling - that's a REALLY good idea, however, I think they should all be searchable from the time her parents were together as I'm fairly sure that the opt out option is pretty recent xx

MuddlingMackem · 01/06/2013 12:49

another

good news if the opt-out option is recent, might make it possible then.

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 01/06/2013 13:29

This is so wonderful! Really hope you get some answers OP! (Ponders what on earth we'd do without 'tinternet)

wannabedomesticgoddess · 01/06/2013 13:51

This is amazing. Really hope you get somewhere with it OP.

The power of mumsnet....