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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
womma · 05/06/2013 11:26

Another lurker here, who has been rooting for you!

Just coming on to say the very best of luck finding everyone, this has warmed the cockles of my heart!

Fingers, eyes, legs, everything crossed for you Missy!!!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 13:04

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I didn't get on yesterday, real life got in the way of my search for my family, I have decided to lock dh in a cupboard for the duration of my search now so thats one less thing to worry about Grin

Right nothing much to update, I think there is a possibility that J may be my Auntie rather than a sister, longjane sent me a list of names of the siblings of 1946 B and there was a J listed there (there are 7 of them altogether so its not unreasonableto think they may have all lost touch too). If he is the 1946 B then that would also tie in with the whole air force thing.

I have emailed the lovely bloke at the Canadian air force with the link that longjane put up there with a B from the Mohawk First Nation(?), J is also a family middle name so that could be something, and the J in my Dads name might be J, if I manage to get the dates from them and it ties in then that could be my Grandad which means I have the tribe (is it a tribe?) name and that would give me a huge idea of my history.

Still no word back from any of the emails I have sent to my possible brother, to Jackie, the WI or the paper. Is there some sort of massive power cut in Lincolnshire Grin

I have asked MNHQ to move this to off the beaten track but that only works for threads that were started there, so I will just leave it here as it will disappear, unless I do contact some family and they want me to remove it in which case I'll start another thread and get this deleted.

Thank you all again for all your messages, PMs, help and support, I am so close to getting some solid information about my family now and I couldn't have got this far without you all, I have a free afternoon so I am going to sack the housework (any excuse) and catch up from yesterday.

Thanks to every one of you lovely vipers.

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 05/06/2013 13:08

oo thanks for the update - i kept checking yesterday Smile

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 13:54

Another update.

I'll have to be a bit vague here but I put it into a site that I had previously only put 1936 into and its confirmed that my Dad is 1946 Roland, repeat, my Dad is 1946 Roland. Grin

I have no doubt at all now which makes life a shedload easier.

Yay, that means he is 10 years younger than I thought, which means there is a bigger possibility of him being alive and it means I can save myself some money by ordering the right certificates and it also means that the guy on the site longjane posted is quite probably 'Grandad'.

Woohoo, yet another step forward Grin Grin Grin

OP posts:
GoofyIsACow · 05/06/2013 13:58

Wow Missy, that's great news!

Now to find him! Good luck :)

garlicgrump · 05/06/2013 13:59

Grin You are doing well! Wishing you continued good luck.

msrisotto · 05/06/2013 14:25

Aw fantastic! I'm so pleased for you! :)

nobeer · 05/06/2013 14:35

Smile great news. good luck with future family hunting.

FruOla · 05/06/2013 15:05

Gosh, that's interesting Missy. Given that your dad may be 10 years younger than you thought he was, some of the women you thought were your sisters could possibly be your aunts?

Still wishing you luck!

Anjou · 05/06/2013 15:29

So pleased that you're making real progress, Missy!

WingDefence · 05/06/2013 15:47

Wow I've only just seen this thread - amazing progress Missy!

QueenStromba · 05/06/2013 16:14

I suppose it makes sense that everything you're mum told you was a lie if she is that keen to stop you finding him.

LulaPalooza · 05/06/2013 16:19

Best.Thread.Ever!

I have read this with increasing excitement and actually let out a "squeee!" sort of noise at your last post, MissyMoo

Luckily I am on my own in our open plan office as everyone else has gone for the day.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 05/06/2013 16:35

Fantastic news!!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 17:17

Just another boring update really.......

Y'know just the usual, made a cuppa, had my lunch, picked the kids up, found my sister on Genes Reunited......... Grin Grin Grin

Still cautiously excited as she could have been on it years ago and it could be under an old email address but again its one step closer.

Fru I do now think Jackie is my Auntie (if anything) rather than my sister, I haven't got a clue of the names of most of them and it could get confusing if my Aunties and Uncles are all looking for each other as well as me and siblings but it should be easy enough to work out (maybe).

Queen I did start off being very, very angry about the lies, but I have so much information now and I am getting so far that it doesn't really bother me any more. Being angry about the past won't change it so I just need to move forward (with maybe the occassional glare backwards, I'm not perfect Grin ).

Thank you for all the good wishes and funny noises (thank goodness you were on your own) and help and suppport. I am so so so so close now, and certainly a damn sight closer than I was a few days ago and I really would never have got this far without you all. I can't thank you enough Flowers

OP posts:
Rosa · 05/06/2013 17:20

Wonderful stuff. Hooe you keep finding your family!

MissMarplesBloomers · 05/06/2013 17:26

SO glad to hear your updates -you clearly have been getting much further with the paper trail than I have with talking to folks in RL !!

Looking forw ard to the next installment!!

Squeeeeeee indeed!! Grin

cakesonatrain · 05/06/2013 17:47

Wow, brilliant progress!

AntoinetteCosway · 05/06/2013 17:50

Aw this thread is getting me all choked up. You're doing brilliantly-I so hope you find your dad!

KittenofDoom · 05/06/2013 17:59

I think you're very wise to try contact by letter first rather than phone. There are so many nuisance calls and scams these days that people are often very wary about phone calls. Also a letter gives people a chance to consider things rather than being caught on the hop. Thinking time increases the chances of people remembering stuff. Finally, it may not be a good time in someone's life because of illness, bereavement or other of life's traumas, so a letter is better as it doesn't require immediate response.

I would add that being on GenesReunited doesn't necessarily mean that all subscribers are looking for lost family as such. It's a very useful tool for tracing your ancestors and a lot of people are there to build family trees.

sadlovedgirl · 05/06/2013 18:32

Just read the whole of this thread and am now de-lurking to wish you all the best for the rest of your search OP

MinnieBar · 05/06/2013 18:41

Wow! Excellent progress Team MNFindMissy'sFamily!

possibly the name might need some work

BellaVita · 05/06/2013 18:58

How fabulous all of this is Grin

lateSeptember1964 · 05/06/2013 19:08

I would say Jacqui would be born mid sixties. Does that sit anywhere near the birth year that you have. I think your right its totally conceivable that they are all looking for one another?

MissMarplesBloomers · 05/06/2013 19:23

Grin Minnie !