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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 19:51

Thank you again everyone Grin

Its quite frustrating having phone numbers and not calling, but I don't want to force myself in anyones life if they don't want it for all the reasons Kitten stated. Although I am adorable so I can't see why they wouldn't haha.

Late the Jackie that I think is my Dads sister was born in '51, any chance she looks really good for her age? Grin can I PM you a link to the FB page of the person I think it is to see if you recognise her please?

Team MNFindMissy'sFamily has a certain ring to it doesn't it Grin

Thank you all again, this is amazing Flowers

OP posts:
lateSeptember1964 · 05/06/2013 19:58

Yes please do. I tried looking on Facebook earlier but drew a blank. No this one is definitely only mid 40s. Given that names keep recurring within the family I think she is still a possibility. Never been pm'ed before. Is it easy to open

lateSeptember1964 · 05/06/2013 20:01

Just found the inbox. Well never knew that was there!

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 05/06/2013 20:03

What a lovely thread full of kind, generous people.

My family have a few names that we've used again and again - this thread has made me happy that I've carried on with my DC.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 20:16

Right I've PM'd you late but given what you have said I don't think its her.

The inbox moved a couple of days ago (and confused me big time, I thought it had disappeared altogether).

Tea my children aren't names after anyone, I think I may change their names now just in case I fall out dh Grin naming sheep after your offspring is certainly novel, I really don't know whether to be delighted or offended. Grin

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 20:46

The FB lady isn't the lady late saw anyone is keeping track, but I have a description so I will go and have another look. Twas a bit of a long shot.

OP posts:
TeaMakesItAllPossible · 05/06/2013 20:50

Personally I'd be delighted. All that woolly love and jumper potential. I'd be hoping for the black sheep to be called after me Wink

lateSeptember1964 · 05/06/2013 20:59

Have trawled through Facebook and can't see her. Im going to do a bit more digging tomorrow. Will try my cousin who also used her and see if she can help

MarthasHarbour · 05/06/2013 22:05

its a shame Jackie/Jacqui didnt just email back and say 'its not me' but never mind.

This thread is amazing, i saw the thread about the Beckhams earlier and the DM bastards picked up on the very few catty comments and made an 'article' out of it. Named and shamed some posters too which was awful as their comments were taken out of context. Shame they dont stumble upon the nest of vipers swans we have on here Smile and print a story about the goodwill MN does

I know its a school night but here you go OP Wine and Flowers and here is to hopefully meeting your long lost family

Smile
MacMac123 · 05/06/2013 22:07

Just checking in! Exciting!!!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 22:08

I don't think I could shear a sheep named after me, I think I would be the black sheep too though Grin

I just PM'd you late, Jackie (who is utterly lovely) just got in touch and it was a weird coincidence. She has found the people she is looking for and they aren't members of my family.

Worth a try though, who knew it was so common to be searching for scattered family in lincoln. And thank you so much for telling me.

Still I'm getting closer, each time I rule someone out I'm getting somewhere.

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 22:14

Crossposts with Mac and Martha

I would email the DM with a link to this thread but I dread to think how they would twist it. They would probably do background checks on me and find out I got caught shoplifting a turkish delight when I was 12 and tell the world that MN are trying to put a criminal gang together haha.

OP posts:
clarabellabunting · 05/06/2013 22:14

Great to get an update and hear you are making progress!

Just a note - that site longjane linked to had a B on it not a B.

I kept coming across him when I was searching canadian records for you the other day and kept misreading B for B and getting excited, then realising.

Also, from the searching I did, there are quite a few native Canadian B's around in the records so I wouldn't jump to the confusion anyone is your granddad just yet.

Anyway, don't we already know the name of your grandad? It's B according to the BMD records - the father of 1946 B.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 05/06/2013 22:21

Oh no, am I jumping ahead of myself again?

I couldn't find any record of 1946 Rolands Dad. I'm going to recheck again. James would fit in with family names so that sounds about right.

I'm trying to get everything written down atm because I keep confusing myself so I'm keeping lists of what I found and where, I'll finish doing that before I go off on one again Grin thank you clara

OP posts:
clarabellabunting · 05/06/2013 22:24

I'll resend you the list of Ronald's siblings and parents from the BMD records by PM.

Don't worry - it's easy to get excited and jump to conclusions! Especially when you are so close after all these years.

clarabellabunting · 05/06/2013 22:30

Just incase B is anything to do with you, here is some info about him:
www.locategrave.org/l/6684415/B-Quebec

Looks like he was in the Navy and the conflict he served in was Vietnam.

clarabellabunting · 05/06/2013 22:33

Maybe he could be a younger brother of your Grandfather? Or cousin. There could still be a link. Kahnawake is the place that kept coming up when I was searching for the surname B amongst native Canadians.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 06/06/2013 11:26

Good morning all.

Thank you Clara I kept getting that place when I was looking into where the B's came from as well. I'm going to do some more research on that when I have finally tracked someone form my family down.

I just had to tell you all about a bizarre coincidence that has come up. I have tracked down 'Grannys' record and her middle name is my daughters first name and her first name is the same daughters middle name, and the day and month they were born is remakably similar.

Looks like I am keeping the old family tradition going without even realising it Grin

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 06/06/2013 11:32

Just had to post having read your update. DH and I named our son and his middle name is the same as someone I knows surname. Much much later we looked at his family tree and both names were well used going back 100's of years ago and we had no idea Smile

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 06/06/2013 11:38

How weird Miss there must be some genetic link to liking certain names Grin

OP posts:
hevak · 06/06/2013 11:55

I love this thread! I've been lurking and wishing you well and just saw your update about figuring out which year your Dad was born in - that will really help you! Best of luck for the search!

am very jealous of the possible Native Canadian ancestry Grin

MissStrawberry · 06/06/2013 12:01

It is true Is middle name but I wanted to name my child after this person and DH didn't like their first name. Coincidently his surname is also a first name Grin.

MissStrawberry · 06/06/2013 12:06

That should have been

It is true I like DS's middle name...

clarabellabunting · 06/06/2013 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

RedundantExpat · 06/06/2013 18:00

So excited for you Missy. I think you may need a spreadsheet to keep track of things ... Wink