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Original poster

What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

489 replies

Berts · 30/01/2013 12:19

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

OP posts:
ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath · 30/01/2013 17:51

MrsMalinky, you have well and truly tested my bladder control, that is priceless!

lljkk · 30/01/2013 18:24

We had Health & Safety Gorn Mad mom.
She wanted to lock the doors to the toddler group. Had to be gently pointed out to her... that might be a fire risk?
She was very upset about hard floors, hot drinks present anywhere, loads of other stuff I forget.

Very ironic that this was at a group that is already ultra-high uptight about following PLA safety guidelines, everything is regimented if it has the slightest health & safety implications. Written policies, CRB checks, Huge First Aid kit, big warning signs up everywhere, etc. Luckily the group organiser took pity on her & pulled her aside to try to learn her to mellow out a bit.

H&SGM woman went to another local toddler group where they are (normal) laid back and her toddler ran into the kitchen whilst there; H&SGMW was angry that someone removed her child from the kitchen , she didn't seem to realise she was supposed to keep an eye on her child.

There was another mom I had a stand up row with at the Laid back group after she repeatedly & loudly referred to DS as "That horrid little boy". People gasp when I say that because I am so diffident IRL. After that, Other Mum systematically fell out with people everywhere she went locally, schools, toddler groups, etc. Keeping tabs on her was like Car Crash TV.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 30/01/2013 18:36

Oh hell. I forgot about the new weirdo at current toddler group.

Last week we were treated to a 10 minute rant about how ginger babies are 'evil bastards' according to her dp, her referring to her SN brother as 'slow, thick and not right in the head' and her monopolising every conversation with her boring loud stories. At one point the crazy cow pinched me hard enough to leave a mark ... I mean what's the etiquette if another mother pinches you? I went for stunned silence and jaw hitting the floor unfortunately, kind of wish I'd pinched her back!

By the end of the group myself and another woman had turned so far away in the effort to avoid eye contact we were sitting with our backs to her! The other 2 women there kept trying to change the conversation topic and she just steamrollered all over them

BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems · 30/01/2013 19:04

I went to a toddlers group on a Monday morning at 9.30 in a vair posh town in a local church.
One of the mums got a huge bottle of vodka out of her Cath Kidston bag and started drinking it. She passed it round to the other mums and they all had some. Neat.

richardsimmonstanktop · 30/01/2013 19:12

BiteTheTops Shock

NeverQuiteSure · 30/01/2013 19:15

I co-run a parent & toddler group which seems very dull after this thread!
Incidentally, our CMs and Nannies are always first to jump in and help out.

Back when my youngest was a baby and we lived in an urban area I would sometimes drop into a surestart group in the 'dodgy' part of town and found... lots of lovely mums and dads admittedly nearly all single and half my age and a calm, welcoming group.

I have even attended some very naice music type groups and, to my great sadness, have yet to witness so much as one child counting to 10 in Mandarin Sad

My life is so dull.

I was also laughing very audibly at the image of the carseat tortoise.

NeverQuiteSure · 30/01/2013 19:17

Ah ha - I missed BiteTheTops's post. There's my answer then...

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 30/01/2013 19:24

Great thread.

At DS's first swimming lessons (4 months old, so basically being moved about by the parent), was "overtaken" by a competative mum. She sort of smirked as she passed.

I wasn't going slowly, just keeping in the formation of the rest of the parents. Was just so Shock about her behaviour!

CelticPromise · 30/01/2013 19:26

weegiemum what for??

Purplehonesty · 30/01/2013 19:30

Forever sunny I am crying tears of laughter imagining the robotic black tortoise.

whatatwat · 30/01/2013 19:36

we went to a toddler group in a church hall, one time dh came with me, a mum started to breast feed in the room and shouted across the hall that dh had to leave the room cause she didnt want ''some weird bloke'' seeing her.
neither of us had noticed her even feeding until she shouted.

wearingpurple · 30/01/2013 19:37

I was at my local breastfeeding support group, nice and informal, groups of us chatting away and feeding our babies, when some bloke strode in and, without further ado, starting evangelising about Elimination Communication.

In our confusion at the suddenness of it, we thought he was some kind of 'expert' speaking by invitation of the group leaders. But no. He was the partner of one of the mums who just thought he'd turn up for a spot of Friday morning mansplaining.

BeerTricksPotter · 30/01/2013 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 30/01/2013 19:59

I have now wet myself laughing about the naked panpipe dancing elf mom..

infact so much so that I feel a name change coming on...

rhondajean · 30/01/2013 20:01

Some of these are so funny!

I've worked in a lot of community centres over the years and my touchstone for bonkers is years back when the chair of the current parents and toddler group came sailing into my office to bawl me out complain loudly that some other group must have been using their teaspoons.

She knew this apparently because the barrel ? Cup? Bit the sugar goes in haha of the spoons were scratched and when she had polished them and put them away in their locked cupboard after the last session they were not scratched.

I found it somewhat hard to remain sympathetic, especially as she interrupted me in the middle of dealing with a potentially difficult staffing/child protection issue!

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 30/01/2013 20:08

I took youngest charge to a new playgroup, everyone seemed very nice and we where all chatting, one mum made me a cup of tea...then I mentioned I was her nanny...everyone stopped talkingtto me and the mum who'd made my tea strolled over and took it off the side and poured the rest away...nosingle parent spoke to me after that
It was so weird

Pan pipes is epic!

MrsMushroom · 30/01/2013 20:11

Went to a Steiner based playgroup WHEN dd was 2...DD was Shock when offered a bowl of knitted gnomes with no faces. Then the leader said "well come and play in the sensory corner" and took DD to a basket of wood...you know like what you put on the fire? Well a big basket of that...full of splinters.

Then it was time to bake bread for lunch and the kids were allowed to run riot...some older boys were playing cricket in the yard with a lump of wood and a ball and whacking one another with the wood.

The woman gave us a piece of some herb to carry in with us which I now know was to cleanse the area of any negative energy we might carry in!

bumhead · 30/01/2013 20:20

I'm loving these stories!
I never went to any groups as such because I had chronic PND and couldn't cope with them at the time.
After reading some of these stories I really wish I had

DameFanny · 30/01/2013 20:24

Pan pipes! Pan pipes!

Crying laughing.

Pan pipes!

BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems · 30/01/2013 20:28

I go to another one now. Even there recently 2 mums who disiked each other started and argument which ended in fighting. It was horrible. They were pulling hair and shouting whilst the children around them just carried on driving around in little tykes cars.
I just sat there with a Shock and a biscuit as they shouted sweary words at each other.
It was more like bare knuckle fight club than mum and baby club.

Youcanringmybell · 30/01/2013 20:28

I think I can safely guess that pan pipes lady may have been named
Mrs Rumplestiltskin......

FreePeaceSweet · 30/01/2013 20:35

Might out myself with this but hey...

First of all there was the mum who invited me and another lady back to hers for tea. Cue the phone call to her dh asking him to get dressed, clear the couch and tidy up a bit. Also to wipe the cum up off the dining table if he already hadn't. I'm not kidding. She didn't know we could hear her. I'm ashamed to say I faked a headache and went home. I was worried about what would be waiting when we arrived.

Another one. I was new to the area and one of my friends who moved here before me invited me to "Rhyme Time" with dd1 in the hope of getting to know new people. Everything was fine and no one was being weird. Her new friends seemed really nice too. She sits next to me and says "A few of us are meeting up on Friday and taking the babies to that pub that's just been refurbed. We'll probably have lunch and then take them to the park..." "Ooh, that sounds lovely!" I say enthusiastically. "So, I'll meet you by the library about 2.30 then? We'll be done by then I think." Erm yeah. Cheers for that. Hmm Our friendship slowly fizzled out after that.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 30/01/2013 20:38

I went to three baby and toddler groups regularly for seven years, and then went on to help at one for another three years after that. I also took one or another of the DCs to parent & infant swimming sessions for years. Nothing weird ever happened! I'm a bit disappointed now, especially after reading about panpipe lady.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 30/01/2013 20:41

I've remembered something!

When we took the DTs swimming, both DH and I had to get in the water with them until they were about three. One of the dads from swimming (who also came to Toddler group) is a newsreader / reporter for the BBC. Every time this man read the evening news, DH felt the need to point out that he'd seen his winky in the changing rooms.

akaemmafrost · 30/01/2013 20:43

A fully chicken poxed two year old child marauding into the baby fit where she fell on top of my 8 month old dd who came down with it about a week later. Angry I was.

Oh and then there was the cow boy with long hair and a Stetson on who came with his childminder wife to "help" with her mindees. He stunk of fags and booze and told us all about his gun collection Shock disarmed, apparently but still.........I couldn't fathom who could meet this man and decided that this was the CM for them! But they always had mindees.